getting rid

Okay, fair warning. This post is about a Bible verse that hit me over the head as I loaded my duvet cover into the tumble dryer.

It's Ephesians 4:31.

I was walking to school today thinking about how the anger and frustration I feel towards my agency is only hurting me. It's not making them accomplish things quicker. It's not doing anything to get my d2b home faster. At the rate I'm going, I'd snatch her/them from their hands after court with a very bitter heart. How can that be good? How can we start a new life with my heart in that state? I don't want to be a bitter, unforgiving Mom. What a rotten example that would be! I want my d2b to be warm, compassionate and loving. I need to work harder at being that way now.

I do regularly pray thankfully for all my "trials". It is the best way I've come up with so far for dealing with them. I give thanks for the extra time I have to prepare and save money. I am thankful for the deeper cultural understanding I have of the workers at the agency and the culture in which d2b is currently living. I pray for the people who are driving me crazy and for every hand that touches my paperwork. I pray for d2b and for the people who care for her/them. It helps. I just need to do more of it!

I did post some quotes a half hour ago (Elle caught them!) centering on the theme of "useless". Actually, they are quite funny and I may post them at a later date. But today, as I struggle to be gracious when dealing with an agency I feel is pretty useless, I didn't think I should fan my own flame.

So instead I'm posting the verse that just hit me. I was doing laundry this afternoon and this verse leapt to mind: Eph. 4:31a "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger..."

No, they haven't answered my questions about registering independently. Yes, they continue to be didactic and snarky and a bit power-mad. But, I can't change them. I can only change me. Taking care of myself is a big enough job for me to handle. (Hmmm..those bits of advice are ones I regularly hand out to my second graders...)