just.plain.wrong

I've been rather disengaged from the blogoshpere...and life in general...lately. My apologies. It's been a tough time for me. This last week has been particularly difficult. I guess after 2+ years waiting, I was due.

Last Monday's visit hit me hard. Every visit with the girls is more precious as I see more and more of who the girls really are--Children's Home: Uncensored. I know them better and enjoy them more. But, it's also harder to leave. Knowing who these little people are that I drive away from, covered with hugs and kisses and good wishes, just makes it that much harder to leave them behind.

I visited the girls in the orphanage to celebrate K and Ka's birthdays. Ka was happy with her requested present of a hairdryer. K had asked for shower gel. (LUSH fans, I gave her a giant bottle of Happy Hippy.) I also put some lotion and body spray I'd been given, a hairbrush, some funky soap, a shower puff and some ponytail holders into a pink gift bag.

K looked through the bag, smelling the gel and spraying the body spray. She didn't know what the lotion was. She asked me if it was for her teeth. She is 12.

This just shattered me. This is an amazing little girl that I love. And it's not the fact that she didn't know what lotion was that hurts my heart. It is all the simple love and care that lotioning represents that she's missed out on in her life. She has never been lifted, warm from the bath, and cuddled in a towel and been lotioned from head to toe. No one has seen her winter-day hands or windburnt cheeks and smoothed lotion on them to stop the itching. Her painful, sunburnt legs have never been eased with lotion.

I explained it was cream for after her shower. She, very seriously, in my exact words, explained it to the caretaker later. I didn't cry then. But, every time I think of this, I cry. I am not a cry-er.

My next plan for the girls is a manicure/pedicure session. I've already bought the foot soak, scrub and cream. I've got everything needed to put on and take off nail polish. But, it doesn't really ease my heart. It's a very small drop in a very large bucket. I'm literally sick about what K's missed. I've had a week of headaches and spontaneous teary outbursts. This is very, very unlike me.

Please, my praying friends, pray for my girls in room 3.10.