16 October 2010

good reads

So glad that people are finding Arletta's blog helpful! If you want a good starting place, I'd start with the series Why Love Isn't Enough. It's an eight-part series that talks about prenatal drug/alcohol exposure, neglect, sexual abuse, physical abuse/domestic violence, the impact of trauma on the brain, abandonment/multiple moves and genetics.

And, in case you, like a fellow unnamed accidental blogger who has seen the error of her ways, have disregarded my repeated recommendations to read The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog by Bruce Perry, I'm recommending it AGAIN. This is the book I read and re-read. It's fascinating, a quick and easy read, and full of hope. To me, this book is much more helpful and hopeful than, really, anything else I've read. It's all about the impact on the brain that neglect and trauma have at different stages of development and how the brain can be re-wired. Really--it's fascinating.

9 comments:

Annie said...

It is interesting.... Some come from the "Love is Not Enough" point of view and others from the "Love Never Fails" point of view. (http://beyondconsequences.com/)

I think it boils down to what you mean by love. True, the sort of reciprocal, cuddly, love that people envision when they are expecting a baby (and don't always get even with a biological child for a host of reasons) is not true, self-sacrificing, Christian love. THAT kind of love, IS enough, in my view. And, as it is the kind we have to aim for anyway, I guess I feel like adopting my children was of enormous spiritual benefit. Undignified. Painful. Demanding. But - oh, so good for me.

EVERYONE recommends that book; so I suppose I have to find a way to obtain it.

Debbie said...

I had never heard of the book but I'm going to try and get it now... I think maybe that living through life now and trying to figure out "why" makes everything more compelling reading than it would have been 2-years ago. Then it was "We really feel prepared" and now it's "what can we do to make this better (easier? more understandable?) for everyone in the family".

Debbie said...

oh boy, this newest link seems like it will be great read also - for both my int'l and domestic adopted children... sort of interesting how things are playing out with the domestic adoption 10-years later in regards to brain development, etc...

Suzanne said...

So kind of you to remember me and think of me when I have been such a bad blogger of late. No posts. No comments. Very little reading. It was nice to be remembered.

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

Hmmmm.....

It's not that I was disregarding you, it's more that I procrastinate just about everything for months at a time! But I have learned! I was in error! I am here, listening/reading now! You were so right! What say you kate?

kate said...

I disagree, Annie. Because we are fallen, our love is imperfect. And our love, is not enough to heal. I think it's like having a child with a broken leg and not taking them to the hospital, thinking you can love them into being well.

For many, although I'd never say all, adopted children, there is something broken. Their brains' development was "broken" because of the trauma and neglect they faced both prior to and living in institutions.

Becky says, adoption always starts in horror. If children were not in a horrific situation, there would not be a need for adoption. And, thinking that good food and lots of love is enough to fix that, is, in my opinion, a bit naive.

Is God's love powerful and transforming? Can He miraculously heal? Can He use us to be a part of that healing? Of course!

I don't know much about beyond consequences. To me, a loving and logical approach is so, well, loving and logical, that I have never been tempted to go beyond. ;>

Am I doing all this because I love my daughter? Yes. Wholeheartedly, YES.

kate said...

Es, I was just teasing. I know you've devoured it. ;>

kate said...

And, "disregard" was way too harsh to be in the "tease". Sorry.

Matt and Carla Morgan said...

Excellent blog.
Excellent book.
Excellent mom to an
excellent kid.

Excellent!

cm