monstrous

Remember that I said to HALT! and not do anything major when you're hungry, angry, lonely or tired? Yeah...kinda blew that one today.

This morning I had two e-mails from my facilitators. The first said that because they'd just received my (third) homestudy and hadn't yet received the agency agreement, they didn't think that my papers would be filed before accreditation expires. It ended with "We will see".

The e-mail just following that was from them as well--telling me a family had posted that they wanted to adopt from St. P and were looking for an agency.

I sent back a shocked reply to the second that simply said, "Are you asking me for a recommendation?" and sat on the first.

This was not the most auspicious start to my day. I felt gobsmacked. It was the first time I'd really felt like we might not make the deadline. I just expected it to all work out. Then, after the e-mail, I felt the the wind had been knocked out of me. I must've looked awful because my friend Kat, after good morning-ing me, immediately asked, "What's wrong?" in that voice of doom which means you're bleeding profusely and they'll probably have to amputate.

Then, I spent all day eating cookies. I tend to educate very environmentally-aware students. Call it tree-hugging if you like. I call it exercising dominion. One of my students this year wanted to take action. She, with her mom's full support, organized a cookie sale today to raise money to help endangered animals. So, starting last night, I ate cookies--both cooked and uncooked. My car is STILL not starting (where are my brothers?!??) so there's not a lot of food in the flat. There's neither bread nor milk. So breakfast was cookies (they were oatmeal...) and tea. All day we nibbled--chocolate chip, oatmeal and little fudgy hedgehogs.

When I got home I was tired, hungry for real food but on a nauseous cookie-hangover, and angry with my agency. Three out of four. Not good. Stop now, Kate. HALT!

I e-mailed my agency (not the facilitators) and told them I was very frustrated. I said that I felt I'd been treated more like an inconvenience than a paying client. I acknowledged that my living sich made things more difficult, but pointed out that they knew that up front. And, I said that I was frustrated by the fact that we were going to miss the deadline because of two documents--one of which the facilitators had for five months before asking for changes and the other of which the agency mailed seven months after I'd asked them to mail it.

I asked that they do everything in their power to get the paperwork here to Russia in time--paying extra fees, using couriers, etc. And, I told them I'd sent an electronic copy of my hs to the translator so he could get started. (The audacity of me taking initiative like this could prove irredeemable.)

This is either a very good move and will get results. Or, it's a bad, bad, BAD idea and they'll now throw my file in the bin and let it sit there. I feel worse. I think I may have been an idiot.

So, that advice to HALT--do as I say, not as I do.

Great. As I typed this I burnt the pasta sauce I made with my last box of chopped tomatoes. Any Avenue Q fans want to guess what song I'm thinking of right now?

-from your very own Kate-monster

Edited to add: Yes, it was a mistake. Now everyone's upset with me and protesting their good efforts made on my behalf.