two years later

Were you beginning to wonder if you'd ever get an adoption post again?

After months of trying to make things work with my agency (long phone calls, explicit e-mails, much head banging, etc.) and contacting any agencies that work in either St. Petersburg or Leningradskaya Oblast to facilitate an ex-pat adoption it looks like...

I'll be changing both agencies and regions. Nearly two years to the day from my first adoption announcement, I'm starting over again.

I'm quietly optimistic but not jumping for joy. I am happy to be moving forward but heartsore to know that there are children here in St. Petersburg--special, amazing, wonderful children--whom I thought might be mine but aren't. Now. I've got ten names added to my constant and fervent prayers. I am trusting these little sparrows to His care. But I still miss them. I still can't erase the pictures I have of them playing on my living room floor. And I feel a little guilty about leaving them behind.

I really love my city. I love its glorious past--rising from the marshes, home to the tsars, the window on the West. I love wandering its gardens and streets. I love its beauty and crumbling grace. I was looking forward to bringing home d2b from the home of the Romanovs. (Ann Marie will tell you, this city is unparalleled in Russia.)

But, what matters is getting d2b home, not where she is before she is home. Besides, she'll be a St. Petersburg devochka very soon!

That's all for now. I don't want to rehash all the craziness of the last weeks. My current (soon to be ex?) agency knows I'm looking for other representation but doesn't know I think I've found it. Please, those who know them, keep this quiet for now.