03 December 2006

grumbling

Warning: post is about church and written by an unhappy bunny.

I am so homesick for my church in Tennessee. I think it is especially hard to be in unfamiliar churches at Christmas and Easter when I'm longing for familiar hymns and readings. I can put up with the unfamiliar the rest of the year, singing and reading on my own, but the holidays are different. And, as advent begins, I'm feeling low.

What would I love? A vital, warm, alive Reformed Presbyterian church with lots of hymns sung loudly and joyfully by the congregation. Here are my choices of churches in St. Petersburg that have services in English:

Church 1 is a Charismatic Church with a congregation of about eight. My little Presbyterian self was not exactly comfortable and I sat with hands down and nary an "amen" crossing my lips. And, in a congregation of eight, I felt very conspicuous. The people were nice, but this was not the right church for me.

Church 2 is a Calvary Chapel Church (I don't know exactly what denomination they are...are they a denomination unto themselves?). It's a 45 minute walk from home. The service is in Russian with the sermon translated into English. There are no hymns--only unfamiliar praise songs sung in Russian. It's a very alive church. It's also a very student-oriented church. I like this church, but long for the chance to sing!

Church 3 is an Anglican Church. It's a ten-minute walk from my house. I'm not Anglican--I don't like reading church. But, the service, after two years in England, is somewhat familiar. It's a rather...staid church.

That's it. (Makes you look spoiled for choice back in the US, eh? Count your blessings!) I go to both church 2 & 3. This year, feeling I needed to just make a choice and attend one church, I've been at the Anglican Church most. I get frustrated, though, and am so homesick each Sunday for my church. You'd think that my years in Enland and my year and a half at the C of E Church here would have made the C of E service...comfortable, but this is not the case.

Besides my dislike of "reading church", the hymns are a source of constant frustration for me. No offense, my C of E friends, but I think the hymns are mournful and unmelodic. AND the hymnals (newly purchased) have only lyrics and NO music!! How does this help? Every once and awhile (today included--Come, Thou Long Expected Jesus) a familiar hymn will get my hopes up, only to have them dashed yet again as the familiar words are set to unfamiliar...music. (I can't really call them melodies or tunes.)

I also have lyric issues. I know that Jesus was sent to Earth to pay for our sins. I know that. I know that even as He was born, his death--for me and my sins--was pre-ordained. I know that. I believe that. But, I don't really want to sing about it at Christmas. Maybe I'm frivolous or shallow, but at Christmas I want to revel in the magic and the mystery. I want to be Mary holding an amazing miracle in my arms. I want to be a shepherd worshiping in awe and simple belief. I want to be in the party of the Wise Men present my best gifts and misleading Herod. I want to sing and rejoice and revel.

Check out this verse from one of today's hymns:

"Men scorn thy sacred name, and wolves devour thy fold,
By many deeds of shame, we learn that love grows cold."

That was from a song about why we need Christ. I agree. But, as is the case with many C of E hymns I've sung, the whole hymn is about the terrible state of the world and never gets to the joy.

But, even though I didn't return with a light and joyful heart, I went to church. I was obedient. I took communion and knew that my I was in communion with members of my church back home and believers worldwide. I just wish I were home singing along with you.

7 comments:

Calico Sky said...

Kate
Finding a Church is hard, especially in a new country. When I moved here I found an Anglican (well C of E) Church not too far away, but back home my Anglican Church was high Anglican - robes, serious etc this one here - well its pretty Evangelical, I don't see how it could be C of E at all, but it is and it is a small friendly place. They sing about worms wiggling, birds singing and everything inbetween. I am adjusting to no robes, no priest colour and calling the vicar just by his first name.

Before I found this Church I had a really hard time. I was attending another one about 30 min away, but it was a very shallow place. People were very very unwelcoming, never prayed for anyone but themselves, the women's group I joined was awful - I felt very down, unwelcome and different.

This new Church may be totally different to what I am used to, but, it is welcoming and I have met some great people.

I'll be praying you get to sing some good Christmas songs soon, and that you find the 'right' Church. Are 2 and 3 open to hymn suggestions??

Anonymous said...

Oh I feel for you. When I lived in Hamburg I just gave up altogether.

Jamie and I have finally settled into the local Episcopalian church. I love the liturgy, robes, etc. I like "reading church" as you so aptly put it, because even if the sermon is a dud, there is so much content in the liturgy. I love confessing on my knees and taking communion on my knees. I love the New Testament readings being read in the middle of the congregation (as Christ came into the midst of us). I love the reverance and Holiness.

Guess who else love it? My children. They love love love church. Thanks be to God.

Jennefer said...

It sounds like you get very homesick during this time of year. However, you are making the best of what is available. I am surprised. I thought Christmas was bigger there, but I guess not. The music sounds quite depressing. Do you have music you can play at home? Perhaps you should order some good old-fashioned American Christmas hymns for yourself and play them really loud!

kate said...

Suzanne, your church sounds a lot like my church at home. We had so much in the rest of the service, so much history and communal praise, that you're right--the quality of the sermon had been compensated for. (And I love kneeling for communion, too.)

I hope my d2b loves church as much as your kiddos!

kate said...

Jenn, I have been playing my Christmas carols at home, and it does help. Christmas is not celebrated very much at all here. The communists effectively changed the celebration to new year's. Hmmm....maybe that's another post...

Anonymous said...

Kate,
Have you ever heard of the CMA church? - Christian Missionary and Alliance. We have friends who have planted a CMA church in Moscow and I believe there is one in St. Petersburg also. When we were in Russia in October to bring our daughter home we heard all about their church and how great it is. You can look on the CMA website to find the church in St. Petersburg (I just looked it up myself). Steve and Cricket Volstad are our friends in Moscow that have planted a church there. I would love to hear from you about it if you decide to try it out. Oh, and my brother-in-law is a CMA pastor here in Indiana! Kris

Anonymous said...

Kate,

I couldn't log in for some reason - my email is schneider725@yahoo.com if you want to contact me!
Kris