grumbling

Warning: post is about church and written by an unhappy bunny.

I am so homesick for my church in Tennessee. I think it is especially hard to be in unfamiliar churches at Christmas and Easter when I'm longing for familiar hymns and readings. I can put up with the unfamiliar the rest of the year, singing and reading on my own, but the holidays are different. And, as advent begins, I'm feeling low.

What would I love? A vital, warm, alive Reformed Presbyterian church with lots of hymns sung loudly and joyfully by the congregation. Here are my choices of churches in St. Petersburg that have services in English:

Church 1 is a Charismatic Church with a congregation of about eight. My little Presbyterian self was not exactly comfortable and I sat with hands down and nary an "amen" crossing my lips. And, in a congregation of eight, I felt very conspicuous. The people were nice, but this was not the right church for me.

Church 2 is a Calvary Chapel Church (I don't know exactly what denomination they are...are they a denomination unto themselves?). It's a 45 minute walk from home. The service is in Russian with the sermon translated into English. There are no hymns--only unfamiliar praise songs sung in Russian. It's a very alive church. It's also a very student-oriented church. I like this church, but long for the chance to sing!

Church 3 is an Anglican Church. It's a ten-minute walk from my house. I'm not Anglican--I don't like reading church. But, the service, after two years in England, is somewhat familiar. It's a rather...staid church.

That's it. (Makes you look spoiled for choice back in the US, eh? Count your blessings!) I go to both church 2 & 3. This year, feeling I needed to just make a choice and attend one church, I've been at the Anglican Church most. I get frustrated, though, and am so homesick each Sunday for my church. You'd think that my years in Enland and my year and a half at the C of E Church here would have made the C of E service...comfortable, but this is not the case.

Besides my dislike of "reading church", the hymns are a source of constant frustration for me. No offense, my C of E friends, but I think the hymns are mournful and unmelodic. AND the hymnals (newly purchased) have only lyrics and NO music!! How does this help? Every once and awhile (today included--Come, Thou Long Expected Jesus) a familiar hymn will get my hopes up, only to have them dashed yet again as the familiar words are set to unfamiliar...music. (I can't really call them melodies or tunes.)

I also have lyric issues. I know that Jesus was sent to Earth to pay for our sins. I know that. I know that even as He was born, his death--for me and my sins--was pre-ordained. I know that. I believe that. But, I don't really want to sing about it at Christmas. Maybe I'm frivolous or shallow, but at Christmas I want to revel in the magic and the mystery. I want to be Mary holding an amazing miracle in my arms. I want to be a shepherd worshiping in awe and simple belief. I want to be in the party of the Wise Men present my best gifts and misleading Herod. I want to sing and rejoice and revel.

Check out this verse from one of today's hymns:

"Men scorn thy sacred name, and wolves devour thy fold,
By many deeds of shame, we learn that love grows cold."

That was from a song about why we need Christ. I agree. But, as is the case with many C of E hymns I've sung, the whole hymn is about the terrible state of the world and never gets to the joy.

But, even though I didn't return with a light and joyful heart, I went to church. I was obedient. I took communion and knew that my I was in communion with members of my church back home and believers worldwide. I just wish I were home singing along with you.