33 and counting

33 more school days.

Chicken pox has broken out in kindergarten. Although I'm told that Lexi has had them, I'm still hoping she comes down with a mild case.

Yes--horrible mother here. But it's a bonding opportunity. Okay, okay. We could both use another week off about now.

And I did say MILD.

She has no recollection of having chicken pox. How could you have chicken pox and not remember? I guess it could just be all blocked out.

She has no chicken pox scars. I wonder how it's possible to have chicken pox in the orphanage and not have any scars. How would they keep you from scratching? And then, I don't really want to know the answer to that.

There is no Aveeno oatmeal bath here. So maybe even a mild case is too much.

Only 33 more school days...

seven months

Just a quickie:

height: 115 cm
(She grew a centimeter last month. Again.)

weight: 42.5 lbs., 19.3 kg

twang

Here is your laugh for the day:

*video removed*

Well, it makes me laugh every time I watch this. I tried to catch her when she was teaching a music class, but that wasn't happening. I love her initial sparkly enjoyment, her gentle "rocking out", her dismay when things went wrong, being told to listen to the twang...and her quite obvious frustration that her abc song was crazier than expected.

(Can you believe she needs her hair cut again?)

our truth

Pretend it's 15 April.

I don't need to extend the tax deadline. I need to post about our adoption as part of JCICS's campaign to show the quietly successful side of adoption that often gets overlooked in the media. And, on 15 April I'd just arrived home. I could've slapped a post together, but this seemed too important to treat it in a slapdash way.

I adopted Lexi, who is a year younger than Artyem Saviliev, the boy we've all be reading about incredulously, six-and-a-half months ago. Both children were adopted from Russia in September 2009.

I don't know what sort of information Torry Hansen was given, but I was given very little--and much of that was conflicting. And yet, I stood before a judge and promised, vowed, to love and cherish this little girl, to do everything in my power to make sure she grew and was loved and happy. You'll remember that it was not a decision I took lightly. But, I knew that no matter happened, no matter what we were called to face together, she was my daughter. She was mine and I was hers.

We have been extremely blessed. Our adjustment has been so much easier than I thought it would be. She didn't show the physical aggression that I expected. She didn't rage. She didn't test. Aside from some sleep issues and feeling the need to clean her plate...and other little things that are normal for pi children, we really didn't have any issues to deal with. Maybe that's the key--I knew what was normal for a pi child.

I don't know what Torry Hansen did while she was waiting, but I spent that time getting ready. I wasn't just buying darling clothes and picking out bed linens. (Yes, I did that, too--but it didn't take long.) I read. I read everything I could on post-institutionalized children, children with histories of trauma and neglect, children with FAS, children who were home from Russia for mere days, for months, for years. I became a part of the amazing online community of international adopters. I talked to other parents who had and were adopting internationally. I educated myself. I made plans and alternate plans. I was prepared for the worst, and truly got the very best.

I love my daughter fiercely.

Really, there is no one I'd rather spend my time with. Seeing the world open in front of her is enchanting. It doesn't have to be trips to other countries that delight her. She's more amazed at the process of dying Easter eggs or the laundry becoming clean. She loves the smell of clean sheets and cheers when I get a stain out of her clothes. She is funny and entertaining. Watching her dance fills me with joy. Seeing what a little PERSON she is, watching her preferences and opinions emerge, just fills me up.

Older child adoption, says my friend Becky, is more like a marriage than giving birth. (Not having done either, I'll rely on her wisdom. ;> ) You choose each other. You are both people with pasts--and baggage--and you must find a way to fit all that baggage in one closet. Zip suitcases inside one another and take them out when you need to get to them. Choose to get rid of some of your baggage to make room for hers. (Asking her to get rid of hers so you can keep yours is not only unrealistic, it's selfish.) Or, get a bigger closet.

A high school student was taking pictures for the yearbook of the audience at the school play about a week ago. He wanted a picture of Lexi and I. So, I stood there talking to her, waiting for him to get his "candid" shot. His comment (as she shared her cookie with me) was, "You look like a newlywed couple." "Well," I told him, Becky's post rattling around in my head, "that's essentially what we are."

We are two people who have been brought together to make a family.

Being an American who lives in Russia, I am extremely aware of the picture Lexi and I present. I know that we are being watched and measured. We are closely observed and our interactions, our behavior, and Lexi's behavior, is noted and commented upon. It's a little unnerving, being the posterfamily for international adoption over here. I feel a little like a lab rat sometimes. But, I can't imagine a better ambassador for older-child adoption than my little girl. Her courage astounds me. And her sunny disposition, her zest for life, and those dimples charm everyone around her. I know that people who see us NOW think that I "got one of the good ones". If they could have heard the things that were said of her before, how little was thought of her chances for success, I don't know how they'd fit that information into their worldview, how they'd reconcile it with the delightful child that she is. They would want to dismiss is as untrue or a mistake. And yet, they wouldn't want to admit that there could be a mistake in their system.

But there clearly was a mistake, as her success exemplifies.

The truth is, she is simply amazing. She is tenderhearted, kind, gentle, sparkly, creative and just. She tries her best at everything every single day. I am so grateful to be her mother and am looking forward to every day of our lives together. That's the truth of adoption as we live it.

Last week in Vienna.

'ja miss us?

eta: photos removed

We were running around the Tiergarten Schönbrunn in Vienna...

...and visiting the animals there.

We were jumping on trampolines at Trampolino in Bratislava,

visiting a spa full of warm mineral pools (no bathing suit pix of either of us--shocker), and exploring the nearby city centre as we searched for ice cream in a little village in Hungary. I don't think I ever knew what it was named.

And we still had time for playing with friends, face-painting...

...and shopping...

before heading home.

The pink acoustic guitar was going to be carried on by me and presented on her birthday (it was her most frequent request after cake) but she discovered it early. So, it's already filling our flat with music. (Term used loosely.)

Big thanks to our friends in Bratislava for playing host, driver, tour guide and chef! We had a great trip.

options

Can you believe Dior still hasn't called us?

I'm wondering if we should give Old Navy a heads up instead...

*photos deleted*

I need to watermark my photos with, "This is my gorgeous daughter--hands off!" or something.

(Rach, the boots are still a little big, but this new-to-us Elephant and Piggie book has a cowboy...so we had to pull them out! Noticing the heel on them, which my boots have and her other boots do not, she told me, "Oh, I wanted click-clack boots!")

summer hosting?

Anyone have an in with a hosting program?

The hosting program said they will not accept the girls because they are in the Leningrad Region and not in St. Petersburg city.

This roller coaster ride is feeling vaguely familiar.

Trixie Belden

I found the sisters!

Okay, *I* didn't actually find them. But I found the phone number for the lovely woman who is an assistant director at their former orphanage. (Remember that all my visits are not technically allowed...so it's trickier than it sounds to manage this.) My friend called her a couple of times and was able to find out (strictly off the record) where they are, the name of the director there, and get a phone number!

I also found out that their wonderful former caretaker is still calling them. That eases my heart the tiniest bit.

It's good to have friends.

Another friend in the US has joined my crusade to find these girls a family and is doing everything she can to advocate for them. We are hoping they can be a part of a hosting program this summer.

Oh, I hope.

Two down, one to go.

need experienced shepherd

I would make a very poor shepherd. I'm much more like Bo Peep when it comes to keeping "my" lambs together.

I still haven't found Kristina's family.

My two dearest girls from 3.10 have been moved to a new orphanage. I don't know where they are.

The thing is, the advice Bo Peep is given is rubbish. I can't just leave them alone to come home. I'm going out searching.

Anyone got a torch?

things YOU probably know

Food coloring works brilliantly for dying eggs.

We started out using the Russian P@z-equivalent of egg dying tablets. And our eggs turned out like this:


Now, don't go all Sting on me, but I wasn't sure this was the safest of egg dyes. (One box we bought was actual paint. That made me skeptical, too.) And we had some cracked-while-boiling eggs to color. So I pitched that dye, reached for my imported-by-me food coloring...and it even said on the box that it could be used to dye eggs. Who knew? Oh, yeah--you probably did. I didn't. I followed the directions and the eggs came out like this:


(Crafty friends may be interested in these eggs I bought at Ashan. They'd make a nice Easter tree decoration alternated with blown and painted eggs, I think. But, only thought.)

You can make confectioner's sugar in a blender.

We made a carrot cake on Saturday (we did so. much. on Saturday--grocery shopped, colored eggs, made the cake, gave Lexi a haircut, sewed a skirt without a pattern...) and it really needed cream cheese frosting. Because, really, isn't frosting the point of cake?

I couldn't find a recipe online that didn't use confectioner's or powdered sugar. I do have a box of powdered sugar...but Lexi's birthday is written on that. So, ignoring all the online "wisdom" about it not working to powder your sugar in a blender...I put some sugar in the blender. It worked quite well!

WE enjoyed our carrot cake. And frosting. (So maybe the lesson here is that Lexi and I have lower standards for sugar powdering than the internets. Or maybe we just like frosting more.)



Our Easter was nice. The bunny came and left a basket with a new nightgown, bubbles, a baby chicken in a see-through egg, a chicken that had some chocolate eggs in them, and two egg-sized hollow chocolate eggs that had rings inside them! (Yeah, no pix of them, either.) I should have trusted that was plenty, but I added a stuffed lamb, too. There is not a stuffed bunny to be found anywhere!

We found all our eggs in the living room, enjoyed church (Lexi scored two Cadbury eggs--and has forgotten about them...), and had a slow, lazy day at home. We made cream cheese frosting, ate curried chicken and broccoli (used one of my last cans of cream of chicken soup for that...so it's more "special" than it might sound to those of you who have that readily available!), and just relaxed.

Hope you had a happy, peaceful Easter, too.

Happy Easter!

photo removed

earworm

a portion of a song or other music that repeats compulsively within one's mind

Our friend Porter forgot to mention that when the gorgeous ANTME sang this...

*video removed*

that it was earwormy. (Why is the egg "shaky"? No clue. But we usually take the opportunity to shake. Or, I do and Lexi laughs at me.)

We find it a versatile song.

You can know a ______________ that _____________ a _____________. It can be _______________ ________________. A sort of Mad-libby song.

The only compulsory lyrics are Oh, my goodness! which are preferably shouted and not sung.

Thanks, Porter. Really. Thanks SO much.

got an in?

If you've got an in with any of the following agencies, would you please e-mail me? (My address is in my profile.) Or, leave your e-mail in the comments and I'll e-mail you. THANKS!

• ABC Adoption/ Carolina Adoption (CAS)
• Dove International
• IAG
• Wide Horizons
• EAC (though I still don't think they work in Moscow REGION)

perchance to dream

Day one of daylight savings/summer time:

1 tired girl combined with
adherence to bedtime routine
and a dash of melatonin

equaled bedtime on time--despite the
midnight sun peering through the window.

I realize this is only the first day, and that sleep deprivation season hasn't really begun in earnest, but at least we're off to a good start!

question

Are there non-latex band-aids? 'Cause we have baaaad reactions to band-aids (various brands) over here. I'm guessing it's the latex...

Fridays

Lexi loves Fridays...although she doesn't know what Friday is.

To her, it's ICE CREAM DAY! After school on Fridays we stop at one of the little shops near us and buy her an ice cream cone. As she told me on the way home today, "I think I like best ice cream." Her current favorite is maple walnut. (It is good--even I think so and I'm not really an ice cream person.)

So, we hereby invite everyone to grab a scoop and join us.

searching for kristina

Thank you all for your kind words on the last post. I didn't want to overshadow our joyful milestone with this, so I've held off on posting.

This is a post I wasn't sure I'd write. It's on the long side, even for me, so be sure you've got some time.

Lexi came home six months ago, in late September. You may remember when I made her the album of photos of her groupmates. What I didn't mention then was the joy she had over seeing her friend Kristina. She exclaimed, "This is my friend! My Kristina! How beautiful!" She was more excited about seeing Kristina's picture than she was in seeing the picture of the little boy her caretaker told us was the only person who would play with her. (That was in June. I'm guessing the girls made friends later. Or the caretaker didn't know.)

When she was playing with my hair in those early days, she would take two handfuls and make pigtails. Then she'd sigh, "Kristina" filled with homesickness for her friend. The longing, the missing, the melancholy in that one word just made me ache for her. Then her eyes would twinkle and she'd make one ponytail and pronounce me "Daniel!" Her other little friend had the rat's tail that is so popular over here. She still does this today.

I don't remember when I worked it out, because the photo of her on the database didn't look at all like the little girl I saw, but I met Kristina. She was one of the two little girls brought in to play with Lexi on my second visit. My rep took a picture of us all playing together. But, the director panicked, whisked the girls away, and had me erase it. Yes, this is the photo that I'll regret following rules about for the rest of my life. I remember her. She was soft and quiet. She was gentle. Her light brown hair was in a ponytail. She captured a bit of my heart that day--even as I tried to remind myself that it was Lexi I was there to see.

Lexi missed her friend, Kristina tremendously. She talked about her--and to her in imaginary phone calls--every day. Kristine is often along as an imaginary friend to this day.

After much thought and prayer, I decided to inquire about her availability for international adoption. I had wanted to adopt sisters, I thought d2b was plural, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity to keep children together who didn't share a biological bond, but were "sisters" in their group. My agency thought she'd be home by August.

No, I didn't post about it. This was one of those things that just needed to be mine, to be treasured up in my heart. It just wasn't for sharing.

Have you read The Waiting Child? It's the only Chinese adoption story I've read. It makes me weep. And I thought I would be able to write the Russian sequel.

I was told in December that Kristina was available for adoption and my heart soared! We began getting social workers lined up and inquiring about paperwork. Once the holidays were over and we were ready to proceed it was early February.

On that visit to the MOE my agency's representative was told that Kristina was not available for adoption.

I was devastated. I thought she was mine. I was ready. I was excited. My heart had already claimed her. She was mine. She was ours. I'm still heartsore. While I am delighted that Kristina is finding a home, I am so very disappointed it is not with us.

I have to thank my agency for doing the impossible. They were able to get information that they shouldn't have been able to get. Russian adoption is very private. Maybe it was my wild hopes that convinced our reps to pursue it or the MOE to share--I hoped that she'd been referred but not accepted. I hoped she was being adopted by a Russian family who would change their minds. I hoped that she was still mine.

My agency was told Kristina is being adopted by an American family, and that their paperwork is already in. And, I was given permission to take Lexi for a visit to say goodbye. This is amazing.

We booked our plane tickets and made arrangements with a driver. Then, we learned that the orphanage is quarantined with chickenpox. It's likely that Kristina will be gone before we can say goodbye.

Another blow. But this one was delivered so caringly by our agency rep--who e-mailed me in Russian. I was so touched by this gesture. Usually everything goes through translators and the agency. For him to e-mail me directly was another big thing. And for that, I'm very grateful.

So why am I posting this now? Truly, I'd rather not. I'd rather keep this all to myself. But, this blog has been used in amazing ways in the past. It's connected people in, frankly, miraculous ways. I'm hoping it will do that again.

I've put messages up on FRUA and adoption.com in an attempt to locate Kristina's family, but have gotten no response.

I've contacted the agencies that I know work in Moscow Region (ABC, CSS, Children's Hope International, Dove, Hand in Hand, IAG, MAPS, Nightlight, and Wide Horizons) to ask if they are representing this family. MAPS, Hand in Hand and CSS have replied, letting me know that Kristina is not going home with one of their families.

I've asked only that the agency will pass my contact details on to Kristina's new family in the hopes that they'll contact me. (If you were with one of the other agencies that hasn't responded and can tell them I'm not crazy, that might help. If you know of other agencies who work in Moscow Region that I don't have listed, please let me know.)

It is my hope that Lexi and Kristina would be able to maintain some sort of contact. Even just knowing where she was, that she was home and happy would be helpful to Lexi.

I've offered to share with the family things that I've learned about life in their orphanage that may be helpful with their initial adjustment. I wish I'd known.

My heart just breaks every time Lexi says, "Oh, hi, Kristine! We miss you." She takes pictures of me holding the imaginary Kristina. She helps her and tells her all sorts of things. She makes sure Kristina has something to eat and promised Mama will make her a pretty dress. Sunday she was taking care of her because she was sick. We both love Kristina and pray each night, thankful that Kristina has a new family. (Lexi is able to do that much more happily than I, if truth be told.)

If you know Kristina's family, would you share our story with them? If you are Kristina's new family, please will you let us know? I can verify her last name, database information, diagnoses... We won't stalk! We just would love to know where in the world Kristina is.

six months

Six months ago today, my little bunny left the orphanage.
That's forever and yesterday.

We celebrated yesterday with cake. (It was a new recipe and turned out rather badly. In fact, we binned quite a bit of it. And, seriously--who throws away cake? Fortunately, the icing was good. And there were sprinkles. And candles.)

Stats:
114 cm/45" tall
weighing in at 19.2 kg/42 lbs.

Some very impressive coloring from earlier in the day.

(all photos and video removed)

A post telling you how amazing she is should be here. A clinical analysis of her progress with empirical data could be here. Instead, you get a few pictures. (Her baby, who is most definitely a girl, is named Baby George right now...like Peppa's little brother. I, however, remind myself that Nancy Drew had a friend-who-was-a-girl named George. And don't go messing that up for me.)

Maybe the posts will follow.

(Okay, I'm doubting I'll find the time to post something that is BIG enough to tell you how incredible this child of mine is. I can't do her justice. She's really doing amazingly well. While we still have issues from the orphanage and before, she's bravely conquering them. I've said before and I'll likely say it again--I'll take those issues over attachment issues any day. ANY day. And, by the grace of God, we are still sailing in smooth waters as far as attachment goes.

She loves dancing to Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, watching Peppa Pig and Sesame Street (although we could really use some new episodes), and reading ANYTHING. She loves to wear pretty dresses, take bubble baths, pretend and snuggle. She's rapidly learning her letters and is starting to put sounds with letters.

She's sleeping better and talking more. School is a challenge every. day. She is the bravest, cheerful-est, amazing-est person I know. I am humbled and blessed beyond measure to be her mama.)

a Russian school

Our school is currently in a little, tiny building. There are no hallways. To get from one place to another you walk through the classrooms. This actually is not as disruptive as it seems. We're quite used to people walking through. And, the second graders know that unless people stop to talk to us, we're to just keep on working. (If they do stop, then the greeter for the day gets up, shakes hands, and welcomes them to second grade.)

But, we've clearly outgrown our school. Classrooms have been divided in half. Temporary, folding walls have been put up between classrooms. And still there is no place to go for some quiet. There is no art room, no music room, no cafeteria, no gym. Everything takes place in the classroom except p.e. We rent a gym in the winter and use the playground when it's warmer.

We've finally been given a new building! Let me just say that the paperwork involved has been reminiscent of my adoption. The fact that we're a foreign school, sponsored by foreign governments, means that we cannot simply buy a new building. We can't just rent one on our own. All sorts of special permissions must be obtained.

Our new building is an old Russian school that is badly in need of repair. It will be very nice once it's finished (maybe in October) with big classrooms and wide hallways (they're loadbearing walls so we have choice but to keep the wide hallways). We won't have a playground, but we will have rooms for all of our specialists and a proper science lab for our MS/HS students.

On our last in-service day we were able to tour the building before demolition begins. It was a little like walking through Pompeii...or an empty history museum. There was writing still on the chalkboards, some books still on desks.

It was a little eerie.

The bottom floor two floors were just filled with trash. We almost didn't go up to the top floor, thinking that there would be nothing there, either. This is what we saw.

On the end were the survival classrooms. Our Russian staff, even the ones in their 20's, say that lessons in how to use gas masks were part of their curriculum. There was a whole closet full of them! And, right next door, under a stained glass window of a soldier with other war-like stained glass inside, was a room set up to look like...different room in which you might need to survive. There were wooden guns lying around. It was a strange feeling.

I asked if this school had any military affiliation and was told this was just a normal, soviet/Russian school.

There's a happier "All the Soviet Peoples" poster near the end. It was very noticeably different in theme from the other posters on that floor.

Blogger is being cantankerous, and I'm in no mood to wrestle the photo-loading into submission, so just take them as the come. You might notice in the last photo of the hallway that I brought a little bunny along with me. (Her babysitter for the day is in one of the other pictures-taking pictures of her own.)

i am SICK

Since Lexi's been home, she's been sick, I've been sick, we've been sick.

Now, I am SICK!

I have a fever that makes me want to carefully stack myself into bed with all the bones aligned and then just. not. move. I don't sleep, mind. I just hover on the edge of consciousness in a feverish haze.

Slowly getting better. Will post again. Just an explanation for the curious.