at odds

I've been feeling at sixes and sevens lately. Last week I couldn't settle my mind to anything--reading, cooking, walking, cleaning, watching a movie. My mind just danced about and refused to be still. This week is better than last, but I still feel a little unsettled. I'm not sure exactly why.

I started packing last weekend. That makes it sound like I did a lot more than I actually did. I packed up d2b's hanging clothes and took down the poster and packed up the crib. It's a strange feeling to know that the room I'd prepared and little-girlified is never going to be d2b's room. I've napped there, prayed there...and now it's packed away. The bed is still made and there is more packing to do...but it's being dimantled. I actually think the new room will be better--bigger, lighter...but it's still strange.

I find that my waiting is much longer with new agency. Yes, I think they are more active. I have greater trust in them. But they don't always respond to e-mails. About 20% of my messages (and that's generous) will be acknowledged--even when they contain a dircect question or a request for a reply. Old agency had many flaws, but they did reply to every e-mail I sent. People at new agency go on vacation and I don't get a heads up or even receive an auto-response. And, because they don't all work on Fridays and I live here, that dreaded weekend silence that others have mentioned and blogged about stretches from Friday morning before school until Monday night (They get into the office around 6 pm Monday my time.). Maybe that's what has me unsettled.

I really am excited about my new agency, my new flat...but maybe it's too many "news" all at once. I'm not excited about my new region, and the added expense that travelling out of St. P will entail, but I am excited about how quickly things seem to move there.

I miss my friends. I have colleagues here, and we are friendly, but I miss my FRIENDS. I am very blessed to have wonderful friends that I've known for decades--friends made when I was in elementary school, in college, doing theatre, teaching school. I've collected kindred spirits along the way and hung on to them. I am loyal, as one of those long-time friends pointed out to me, and I keep my friends. I am much more of an introvert than people think. I don't reveal a lot of myself (contrary to this post!). So, the friends I have, the ones I've invested in and shared things with, I hang on to tightly. They know too much to be cut loose. ;> So, maybe missing them has me out of whack.

I don't know. I just hope I'm back in my own skin soon.