If you read the comments other people leave, you'll remember that Allison referenced Oh, The Places You'll Go recently in her elephant-spotting. In that book, Dr. Seuss describes The Waiting Place as "a most useless place".
...for people just waiting
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come or a plane to go
or the mail to come or the rain to go
or the phone to ring or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow...
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come or a plane to go
or the mail to come or the rain to go
or the phone to ring or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow...
Dr. Seuss always has a knack for summing things up, doesn't he? (Aside: I'm directing/choreographing Seussical at school this fall.)
I'm trying to be useful while I wait, or at the very least gracious.
I received an e-mail yesterday that said my dossier was on its way to Russia for translation (2-4 weeks--I'm hoping it's on the shorter end, since some of it actually is in Russian already) and will then be registered in region. I am so looking forward to registration. That will be the mark that I'm further in my journey with new agency than I was with my first agency. We're close.
The e-mail went on to say that I should tentatively expect a referral 6-8 months after registration.
**For those who are unfamiliar with Russian adoption, my dossier (all my papers that prove who I am and how parent-worthy I am) will be registered with the Ministry of Education in my region. Then, in my mind, it goes into a pile with those who had the same specifications regarding age, gender and health that I did. I picture a desk filled with piles of folders--wobbly piles with the folders not quite lined up straight. There are pieces of paper with a few notes scrawled on them--Ж 4-6-- rubber banded to the folders to remind the ministry of the specifications in that pile. In my mind, these piles often get shuffled around, blown off the desk, shoved into a drawer, have coffee spilled on them...and the new ones often get put on the top of the piles so that the people who were the first ones in the pile actually end up waiting longer and longer as the top dossiers keep getting referrals. (A referral is when a child who matches a person's specifications becomes available. The child is then referred to the family for consideration.) But, that's just kateish whimsy.
This 6-8 months wait is a different projection than I was given earlier. Earlier it was anticipated that I'd have a referral this fall. I guess we just keep waiting. But, as Allison also pointed out, the page after The Waiting Place says
NO!
That's not for you!
Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
That's not for you!
Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
and then the following page is filled with contented purple elephants carrying pink banners. I don't mind waiting, today, at least, because I know that this wait is important. I don't know why or how, but it just isn't time. As long as I'm able to trustingly wait and look forward and not become apathetic or despondent, I think I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.
But, I'll sure be glad when I get to turn the page.
18 comments:
And I'll be glad for you when you get to turn that page!
Your road to adoption must be setting a record for waiting. Let's hope the wait is shortened for you and d2b. The smocked dresses are waiting for your daughter/daughters.
I was also just imagining "tuning in" to your blog to see the latest lost tooth/funny face made by Kate's d2b. I promise, you will be there. And then the wait will seem a faint memory.
(and Oooooh, how I hated when people said that to me the 2.5 yrs it took to get my kids. I am sorry. I should be shot. But, ALAS, (alas??) it is true. The page will turn. )
And when you get to turn the page, all becomes clear.
~ hugs ~
The waiting place is the worst. And when you do turn the page you think, "hmm, that wasn't so bad." Funny how that works. And as a former long waiter I hated hearing that. So I get it.
I think you own both useful and gracious.
Here's hoping YOURS is the one that gets pulled off the top of the pile and not the one that gets coffee spilled on it or shuffled to the bottom. Actually, maybe if the coffee gets spilled on it, they pull it out to dry and then say, "oh look, a match -- let's take this one!" In that case, let the coffee spill.
The waiting stinks, but the page WILL turn. Sounds like your new agency is being realistic for you and that's better than wishful thinking, although it makes for a longer wait. We can't wait to see the content purple elephants toting pink banners for you!
As a process person at work (and home), I found the wait and the "unknown" about how this all worked the hardest. Waiting between Trips #1 and #2 were easy compared to the waiting for a referral!
This is how I thought it worked:
Agency has a "war room" with waiting parents pictures on wall and general specs for referral preference. Coordinator in region calls in after going to orphanage and seeing adorable child (and clears with director of orphanage and MOE that child is available). General(s) in war room picks up child's picture and looks for match based on specs and appearance. Calls contact in America and lets them know of match. Agency calls you.
From what I gather, in our case, it was completely random. Rita was available for anyone Frank dealt with. We happened to say "yes" first (I think two other families considered her).
Hang in there! Your time WILL come. It IS right around the corner and I guarantee at some point in the next few years, this horrible waiting will just be a distant memory. In the meantime, maybe we should all take up speed reading? That would help us turn pages a lot quicker, wouldn't it?
maybe they would rather give you a longer estimate and have you be pleasantly surprised than to give you a shorter one and be disappointed.
heavy, heavy sigh.
(grabbing a newspaper and taking a seat at your bustop)
Want to go get a coke?
You write about things so beautifully. Isn't it interesting - maybe because you are in Russia... I never, ever imagined where our dossier would be. Didn't think about it at all...but I must say, I did spend hours on the database looking at photos; staring at photos; trying to eek magical bits of information from staring at those photos. Here's a frightening thing; I still do.
I have heard of several people lately who were told several months and then were happily surprised (stunned) at a much earlier referral (perhaps their folder was at the top?) In any case.... you never know.
I am shocked that you will be further along with this agency than the previous one. That is very encouraging.
Love, Nif
That's wonderful news that you're almost registered. What a super feeling. Are you going to do something special to celebrate this long awaited day or will you just be breathing a huge sigh of relief that you finally made it??
I'll be praying for the shorter range on both registration and referral.
Thinking good thoughts for you. Hopefully they are giving you the usual canned response on the wait time - and forgetting that you have a higher age range than most.
Wishing you the best!
Seussical is fun show. Our community theatre did that production last year and my stepdad was Horton. Lots of fun.
When I picture the "wait list" I pictured yellow notebook paper on a clipboard, the namely written hurridly on them. You can see those who have accepted referrals with their names crossed off. I mentioned this to my swer once and she just laughed. Apparently with my agency, they have computer print outs given to them every week or every other week or something like that, which list everyone's criteria and which list we belong on. Still seems kind of haphazard to me though.
Fingers crossed for you. I am so glad you switched agencies. Honestly...seems like things are moving.
Lots of people want as young as possible. I think your willingness to adopt an older child will help move things along for you.
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