attachment preamble

I am not an attachment expert.

I've read a lot of experts and talked to many in-the-trenches experts. I guess now it's my turn to share my view from the trenches.

I've tried to write this post several times, but it's just too big. So, dear viewers (as one of my second grade bloggers was wont to say), there's a whole lot of attachment and coping stuff coming. A whole series, I think. Which seems presumptuous. I mean, who am I to be writing a post on this, much less "a series"? (Although you already know I'm wordy, so the fact that it takes more than one post to manage this shouldn't be too shocking--unless you've only been reading since Lexi came home. Many of those posts have been...brief.) But many people have asked--especially those waiting for an "older" child.

So...here goes. There is a lot that is out of one's control as far as attachment goes. But here's what I've done, single mom adopting this particular six-year-old, that, hopefully, has helped.

It's been six weeks and things are going remarkably well. Really, it's amazing. Ann Marie is going to chime in on the comments and straighten this quote out. Basically, she was seeing signs of attachment in Lexi and I (attachment is a two-way street) after two weeks that she wasn't seeing in Alexander for months. (I'll fix that when you tell me what it really way, AM. I was too tired to remember. Hey--you can even have a guest post!)

I prayed for three-and-a-half years that my children's hearts would be prepared for me and my heart for them. And that's the biggest thing AM saw when we were in the US. Her quote, "Kate, she was just ready." And for that I am so grateful!

So, now that the preamble, disclaimers and celebrity endorsements are out of the way, here's my first gem:

If you can tell that it's going to be a hard day, and I can tell, because the state of the day depends mostly upon me and how tired I am, then put your child in your favorite outfit. It's much easier to attach to a clean, sweet-smelling, darling child.

Okay, none of the experts told me that. But I think it's true. It may not be as conventional as the other things I did, but I am sharing this with you first, so that you can skip the rest of the attachment stuff if you're sick of reading about it.