09 November 2008

не сказка

This was in my last (long) post:

...Yesterday I got there and found only two of my eight girls there. The others were home for the holdiay...and a few are home with grandparents for good! This is a fairy tale ending to their stories that left me overjoyed for them, a little worried that it wouldn't last, and heartbroken that I didn't get to say goodbye...

I was wrong. It isn't a fairy tale at all. Two sisters, L&P are being taken into the home of an older lady, but it isn't their grandmother. She has also started the paperwork to take one of my other sisters, N. N's older sister, Kl will not be staying with them as I'd originally been told. Something happened and I don't know what.

I am hoping to get to see N before she moves for good. She's back in the children's home today and will be there until her paperwork is processed. I am hoping that at age 10 she has to be consulted for a guardianship as she would for an international adoption. But, on the other hand, I hope she does not have to be the one who makes the final decision. I cannot imagine being ten years old and having to choose between remaining with my sister, the sister who took such good care of me in the children's home, the only family I have left, the only family I've known for the last few years and the opportunity to leave the children's home. She would be with good friends, but not with her sister. N is a meek, gentle, funny girl who needs to be in a home. I worry about what will happen to her if she stays in the orphanage. She isn't a fighter. But leaving her sister behind might be more than she can bear.

Oh, my sweet girls! What impossible portions have been put on your plates.


Annie said...

Do you have any idea how far the elderly lady's home is from the Children's Home? If it were close enough for back and forthing it might be nice.

I have heard such varying things about the homes childen are going to in this new "foster" program om Russia. I don't know why I'd expect them to be any better than foster homes in the US. Being a foster family I ought to think foster homes in the US are GREAT! But I am afraid we may not be typical (from the folks I've seen at the trainings). In fact, it is really a wildly mixed bag. Same thing in Russia, I expect.

One little girl I talked to who was adopted after being in a foster home in Russia told me that she thought that the only reason the woman took her in was to do her housework ["She was very old and could not move."]. And though she theoretically had a bed to herself (in the same room as the elderly lady), she actually ended up sharing it with the two younger children of the lady's alcoholic daughter who arrived shortly after she did. And, the way I ended up hearing this story, by the way, was that the little girl was at our house and saw the bed that our Nastya sleeps in - an antique "half bed", about as wide as a couch. It reminded her of those days and she wanted to show me how all three of them "fit" on that little bed.

I suppose the stories of poverty in this country would make us all furrow our eyebrows and wonder, too, but this all sounded just so miserable. Yet I suppose the stipend paid for taking this girl allowed the grandma and the grandchildren, as well as my little friend to eat.

kate said...

Annie, she is "very, very far" from the children's home.

Maggie said...

Ugh. Is it a patronat home? I know that when I hosted Vladimir and he was placed in a patronat home (as were most of the other 13 kids that were hosted) he didn't have a say because he was only 8. Out of 13 kids only 4 were adopted by their host families and its largely because they were over the age of 10. (Actually, one boy was nine, but the judge let his older brother speak on his behalf.)

It puts the children in a terrible situation.

I hope that she is in a good patronat home. Just like foster homes in the US, I'm sure there are good homes and not-so-good homes. I've heard that the home my Vladimir is in is very good and loving. I worry about him constantly, though.

kate said...

Maggie, I don't know. It's not an adoption, but I don't know which of the other two "guardianship" options available now this is. I *think* one is more independent than the other. One is more closely supervised and has the foster parent functioning as an employee of the children's home. It's confusing to me...and, for practical purposes, doesn't seem to be much different.

Melissa said...

praying for a good outcome

Tina in CT said...

Such red tape. Here you would love to adopt two sisters and they won't let you adopt from your city. Stupidity!

Holly said...

How heartbreaking. Makes all the things we squabble about seem pointless in the face of what these precious children face day to day.

votemom said...

there needs to be a new word. over the past 5 years (yes, it's been five years since that sunny afternoon in siberia when i met a little boy that changed everything), there is a word which escapes me.

what word describes one's heart, sinking like a stone?

what word describes a physical ache in one's stomach... and heart... simultaneously?

if you figure it out, please share it.

i'm sorry. and yet, i believe. well, you know what.

Matt and Carla Morgan said...

My heart is hurting for your sweet girls. It's an impossible decision for anyone - much less a 10 year old. Ugh. Praying.