pre-court visit

The day before court, Sergei drove me to the orphanage for a visit. Because we left later and hit traffic, our time visiting was short. She seemed bigger when she walked in and saw me, but actually hadn't grown (I measured later). She's just taking up more space in the world--at least, when she's with me--and that makes me happy. She's had another haircut, but hair will grow. I don't have a single picture from this sunny day. But, I remember it well!

We had about ten minutes inside and then another ten minutes outside before lunch. Sergei thought I'd be able to eat with her, but this orphanage wouldn't allow that. She was sad and sniffly when she thought our visit was over, putting her arms up to be carried inside. We waited while she ate and then she got to come back outside for a little while--missing the beginning of her naptime.

This time we played on the swing. She still fits in that square, baby swing. While we were swinging I'd ask her (I'm still only speaking Russian to her, but won't bother you with it in both languages.), "Are you a bunny?" and she'd shout, "Nyet!" "Are you a kitty?" "Nyet!" and on and on through animals and nonsensical things until I'd say, "Are you a girl?" "Da!" "Are you my daughter?" "DA!" She laughed all through this.

I'd keep asking her things about her and things about me (mine, of course, ended with "Am I your mama?"). She was adamant that she was Sasha and not Shura, so that's one hurdle down. She did get a little confused about Sergei being there and commented about Mama and Papa...but we sorted that out. She knows now, and told me it was good, that in our family there are only two people; only a mama and a daughter.

When I'd stop, she'd shout, "Kто ето! Kто ето!" (Who is this?) and we'd start again. It was a great way to affirm that we are a family. It was during this game that I saw a glimpse of what was in store for us. She just doesn't have an off switch yet. She will continue playing and laughing past the point of exhaustion, verging on mania. She was having a great time, but just didn't know when to stop. She couldn't stop. And, I asked. I asked if she was tired, if she was finished, if she wanted to stop, if she wanted to play on the slide...and she didn't. When it was time to go, she immediately shut down--the laughter stopped and her eyes went blank. (That's really hard to see. I know it's how she copes in the orphanage, and that she won't have to "cope" much longer. But it still hurts my heart.) She was breathing hard and was obviously exhausted. She even said she was tired when I asked. But she doesn't yet know how to stop. I think this is partly because her day is so scheduled. She doesn't make decisions about when to start and stop an activity, so she doesn't know when she wants or needs to stop.

I think overstimulation and self-regulation may be a challenge for us in the beginning. What I learned from our time on the swing is that I need to not ask her if she wants to stop, but to help her notice the signs that she DOES want to stop, and then tell her it's time to stop. ("You're all out of breath. You're getting tired. We've been doing this a long time. Let's play something quiet/read a book/etc.")

It was a fun and educational visit!