06 February 2011

wanted: one tower

I'm directing our school musical right now. We're doing Into the Woods. I love this show. It's just. so. clever.

And, this year I'm finding a whole new well of empathy for the witch. Always before I'd been firmly in Rapunzel's camp. "I am no longer a child. I want to see the world!"

This year, it's the witch who is striking a chord within me:

Don't you know what's out there in the woods?
Someone has to shield you from the woods.

Princes wait there in the woods, it's true.

Princes, yes, but wolves and humans, too.

Stay at home

I am home
Who out there could love you more than I?

What out there that I could not supply?
Stay with me.

Stay with me, the world is dark and wild.

Stay a child while you can be a child.

Before we go any further, let me assure you, in case there is the merest shadow of a doubt, that my child is perfect. PERFECT.

She has had some horrible cards dealt her--early neglect, life in a Russian orphanage--and those cards have left their mark. But is does not diminish her perfection in my eyes. It just causes me to marvel at the preservation of her tender heart and her willing spirit. She has a bright, inquisitive nature and a contagious joy.

Because of those early "cards", Lexi has PTSD. Post-traumatic stress disorder. When she is back in an institutional setting, and school is an institution, she dissociates, she regresses. Everything regresses--her coping skills, even her handwriting. School is a difficult place for Lexi to be.

And, she almost doesn't know it. She has an innocence that comes with her developmental age. She is much younger than her seven years.

And all I want to do is to protect her. To let her take her time. To let her make up for all the years she lost at her own pace--and not to rush her to "catch up" with her agemates. To just let her be who she is.

I'm afraid this post is unfinished. And, there is new brain fodder churning around that will make it take even longer to finish. So for now. I'll leave it as it is. But that, perhaps, explains a little more about our decision to come home--and stay home. I'm hoping my planned year home can stretch to two...or to forever. ;> Keep your ears open for a great stay-at-home job for me. I'm thinking about the possibility of other parents wanting me to "homeschool" their children...or the possibility of working for some homeschool co-ops. Or, even better, let me know if you've got contacts you're willing to share in the world of children's publishing.

Okay. We'll stop here.

(And, I'll let you know that we have our car back. This time it needed new "tubes" in the transmission and transmission fluid. $750. Two different friends called to check on the progress and got two different stories. One was told that is has no back brakes. The other was told that the electrical box is in danger of exploding. When she said that we weren't interested in the car lasting more than six months, they said it should be fine as long as I let the car warm up before driving it. (???) The opinion of why the back brakes are bad--I don't drive it enough. Sigh. Looking forward to a new car in the US. I'm thinking a previously-leased CRV. )


Holly said...

I would love to stay home and homeschool, but as a single mom, I just can't figure out how. I'm planning a move in 2012, back to NV, where I hope to open a small home business (or two) which will, at the very least, allow me to create my own schedule.

Dog grooming actually pays better than teaching, so be it. My teaching license has expired, anyway. :(

I wish you much luck. If you have an abundance of job suggestions for stay-at-home-single-moms, send 'em my way! I'm open to ideas. I'm considering becoming a public notary, too, with a small home office.

Much luck to you and Lexi and whatever decision you decide on. :)

ALPAL said...

You can homeschool mine. An hour long conference with his teacher on Friday has me convinced that children in American today are pushed way too hard. And we wonder why they grow up so fast. My child is not ready for this and now he is scared to start 1st grade because he fears it will be too hard. School shouldn't be like that when you are 5, 6, 7, 8...Come the south, please!

beckyww said...

Not a big fan of homeschooling, but I can sure understand why you want Lexi to have some "decompress" time academically. Hard, hard choices for you. Have you thought about maybe teaching in a smaller, Christian school as opposed to a larger, less personal public school? Would that be any easier on Lexi? Or still too institutional?

I know there are home school associations like this one - http://www.thsc.org/HomeTHSC.aspx?Id=HOME There were several families at our church that were part of a co-op with various members teaching different curriculum.

You've got to be able to make enough money on which to live. That is worrisome. Be good if you had a ready-made roomie to split bills.

I'm going to keep my thinking cap on.


Lindsay said...

I'm so sorry Lexi has to struggle because of these early cards. She is such a beautiful - inside and out - child. So loving, so kind. I've never forgotten how wondeful she was with Hannah (and neither has H) and what a lovely infectious giggle she has. You are an inspiring mom and I wish you both the most absolutely beautiful future together.