from the 2nd grade blog

Anna wrote:
Yesterday we started to learn about Antarctica. We even riten facts about Antarctica.

We saw two man on the roof. One was choping of the iceicles we called him Mr.Ice Man and the other man was shufuling the snow off the roof we called him Mr.Snow Man. And when Mr.Ice Man choped off the last iceicle... We shouted all together... " Good job Mr.Ice Man!!!"

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

From Russia, with love

In international teaching, most schools require teachers to declare their intentions for the following school year in November. Last November, Lexi had been home a month and I wasn't ready to think about where we'd go next, so I signed on for this year. But, even then, I knew that this would be my last year in Russia. Six years in Russia is a L-O-N-G time.

Shortly thereafter I started thinking about where we'd go next. My friends were leaving and, as they looked at new schools, I mentally tried them on to see if they'd fit us.

I put it in the back of my mind for our big summer trip, even though it tried to force its way to the front on more than one occasion.

Back in Russia in August I wanted to wait until the year was started to think about this. When September came, I was debating and debating. I didn't have a clear sense of leading. I just went round and round the possibilities and crossed them off one by one.

-Our school would mean keeping many friend, our home, our car and everything that has become familiar and homey to Lexi. It would mean changing grades for me. (I don't think having Lexi in class is a good thing. She gets LESS of me because I'm worried that it will look like she's getting more. Not fair. But, changing grades can be managed.) It's a small, supportive community of students and parents which is nice. They've seen her come home and grow. There is little to be explained here about her background, and she is accepted at school. However, it's a small school and it's in Russia, which rules out so. much. that she needs. Few resources. No recreation. (You either train for the Olympics/Bolshoi/etc. from the time you're three or don't bother taking lessons in anything. You can't just learn how to do a cartwheel here. And, the shame-based educational system is NOT to my liking.)

-Our Moscow school is big, has more resources, and has *some* recreation opportunities. Life is easier and teachers are more "taken care of" than we are. I would keep my salary. (This is big as most international schools only allow you to enter the pay scale with a max of +/-8 years of experience.) It's a big school and I think she'd get lost in it. And, the commute is extreme in the afternoons. Most teachers consider it an early night if they're home by 6:00. For us, 6:00 is the beginning of dinner-bath-bed. I'd miss out on all our after school time together.

-There are many Eastern European schools that are reputable and in cities I'd like to explore. But...many were small and seemed like they'd offer about what our school does, but without the consistency that remaining here afforded. Or, they were big and very similar to Moscow but wouldn't let me keep my salary. And, after visiting Slovakia, I'm not sure that "Russia light" in the Baltics would be enough of a change for me.

-Singapore, Shanghai, New Delhi, the Hague...all are good schools. They're big, so they've got many resources. But they'd be NEW. I'd have a new curriculum. We'd both have a whole new world. And I was afraid Lexi would feel lost.

I was talking over these options with a friend (okay, I was probably whinging to her about them, if we're honest) when, if I remember correctly, I said I thought I'd apply to them all and see. But, I hoped no one would hire me and we could come home to the US and live off savings for a year and homeschool.

Friend (oh wise, wise friend) asked why I didn't just do that.

And I was stumped. Why didn't I?

And so, that is what we are going to do. In June we will leave Russia and come home. I'm not sure where yet...but it will be near a friend and have low cost-of-living.

I'm REALLY excited. I know this will be best for Lexi. It gives us time to work on academics in a place she feels safe, take all sorts of music and dance and gymnastics and swimming lessons, and work on all sorts of things.

I am living proof of the value of a sabbatical. I taught seven years before going to Oxford and hitting the boards full time. Now, I've been back in the classroom seven more. I'm ready for a year off. Or four. (Yeah right--if only I could afford THAT!)

Of course, I'll still be teaching next year. I'll even still be teaching second grade. I'll just have a very small class!

I highly recommend international teaching. I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to live and teach in both England and Russia. It's so different from going on a vacation! I like experiencing different cultures--not just in my host-country but also through the families in the school. International teaching has enabled me to save enough money to stay home for a year--or maybe even two. Yes, this was earmarked for us to use to buy and furnish a house. But, I think that this year off together is more important than a house. It's still being spent on our family. And really--it's just money.

I know that there will be people who think this is crazy; that this is not the economic climate to do this; that I'm being irresponsible. But, I think this is right and good. It's a big leap. But, I've leapt many times before and always, always been caught. I think I said a while back I was feeling nudged about that to do next year. This is the nudge I felt. So I'm leaping.

I'm very excited about our next adventure!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am very thankful for my little turkey. ;>

here's another

While we were in France, Kristina's mama and I were talking about what to do after the beach. I mentioned Lexi's fondness for ice cream. She was telling me that she knew just where we should go. They had ice cream, crepes, waffles...

Waffles? instantly piped up a little voice beside me. That's on the list.

out of the mouths

I was standing in front of my open wardrobe desperately looking for something to wear with my brown trousers that wouldn't look dark, depressing and muddy (told you my clothing sich was serious) when a snowsuit-clad munchkin came in and asked what I was doing. I told her I just needed a shirt and then we'd go.

Honey, she said to me full of gentle persuasion and compassion, but in all earnestness and brooking no nonsense, we don't have time for a shirt. We're late for school.

france

In Lexi's mind,

• Finland is where the waterpark with the snake slide is
• Slovakia is where Hannah and her mama live and we went to Trampolino
• Austria is where we had lunch at the zoo with Hannah and it was so cold she had to wear my poncho
• Hungary is where we went swimming in the rain (actually, she forgets this was in Hungary sometimes and puts it in Slovakia--same trip, you see)
• Frankfurt (because Germany is where Tyotya Kakleen lives, and we didn't see her on the Frankfurt trip) was where we ate hot dogs and bought her boots and sports shoes
  
• and America and Russia are big blurs that need to be broken down in to cities or states to elicit an answer.
  

Give her a map and she's a whiz at naming who lives where.

France is easy. France is where Kristina lives.


We went to France solely to see Kristina. I think it was good for us to go--particularly for Kristina. Kristina has been home six months and Lexi has been home thirteen. I hoped that this was long enough for the visit not to be traumatic and soon enough that they'd still remember each, might even be able to summon up some Russian so they could talk to each other. I wanted them to see, to know, that they are both safe and happy in their families.

The slide show might make it look more idyllic than it was. It was fine. But, neither of the girls speaks Russian any more. Both girls are developmentally young from their years in the orphanage and don't really play with other children. They are still in that parallel play stage. And, I'm not sure that the survival-of-the-fittest atmosphere of the orphanage left them with many warm-fuzzy moments to recall.

But, they SAW each other. There were hugs and kisses when we left. Lexi told me this was her BEST friend.

I know we were good for Kristina. The change in a few days was marked.

I learned more about the orphanage from Kristina and her mom. It was not pleasant, but I was glad to know it. And, if I had any qualms about calling Lexi "Lexi", (I don't) they would have been quashed. She was called neither Sasha nor Shura in the orphanage. It made me mad all over again that they wouldn't tell me her name, even.

It was great to sit and talk and share with someone whose child is not only adopted, not only adopted from Russia, but adopted from the same orphanage. We could see many ways that the orphanage shaped them even though they are very different people with very different experiences of orphanage life.

This trip left me feeling humbled and grateful that the tenderhearted nature of my little girl was preserved through her time in the orphanage. I know, I saw, how she was just run over while she was there. How her sweet, tender spirit was protected is nothing short of a miracle. I know it made life harder for her in orphanage, and that both saddens and enrages me. But, for how it makes our lives now, I'm so grateful.

Thank you, God, for showing me how you cherished this little sparrow until I could come and cherish her, too; that no one and nothing--neither height nor depth nor principalities, things present nor things to come...nor years in a Russian orphanage--was allowed to take that away how wonderfully she was knit together. (I know those verses are only semi-quoted and all mixed together. But, it's how my heart sings this song.)

So, it was good. We have new friends with whom we'll stay in touch. We have a link to her life before. We have someone who can help to fill in the blanks. And that is a precious gift that I'm able to give my daughter.

oh, the glamour

Let's dispel any lingering illusion of glamour that may be hiding in the corners of this blog.

The big news around here is...the pink grocery store, used-to-be-Parnas, has now had, consistently, Green Giant green beans AND peas AND corn. Ho, ho, ho. That's big. That used to be at least two different stores, about an hour apart.

They do not, however, stock our milk.

Stockmann's opened and they might have Campbell's tomato soup. There are days when $8 for a can of soup seems entirely reasonable. Campbell's soup has started showing up in bags on store shelves...but only weird flavours. Stockmann's, at least until proven otherwise, is the the hope fluttering in many an ex-pat's heart. They have vanilla, too. Probably.

I have a battle waging with my third toe on my left foot. It's testing me to see how short I'll cut the nail to avoid it in-growing.

It's raining. Still. And the puddles are all the color of pollution. And so are the hems of our pants, our boots, the car windows and any nasal discharge (either our own--sneakily peeked at in a tissue to see if a sinus infection is lurking--or others' discharged onto the street). Yes. Disgusting Glamorous.

The other morning someone parked so close to me and at such an angle that it took five minutes, easily, to unpark. Which made me late. And not best pleased.

Today I went to do a voiceover for a film. I was practically giddy over the opportunity to ACT --even for a couple of lines. I'd talked a friend into coming too, because they needed two American women and a little American girl. Turns out, they really only needed one woman. The second (me, because her daughter was dubbing, too, and so they went in together first) was just in case the first bombed. They didn't tell me that part. She didn't bomb. I uttered nary a word...in English. I uttered a few disgruntled ones in Russian.

My parmesan cheese molded and had to be thrown out. Cheese is ridiculously expensive here.

My cat is now so overweight that she cannot properly wash herself and needs baby-wiping and bathing of her back end. (Nope. Not overfed. I suspect depressed and bullied.)

Let's not even talk about my weight.

I don't think I have enough otc prescription-strength deodorant to last through the year and combat the toxic sweat. Go ahead and blog-search that one. It's been blogged about for a looooong time.

The cashier at the pie restaurant downstairs tried to cheat me out of 200 r. The charge was 280, I gave her 500, she asked for 30, I gave it to her, she gave me 50. And started helping the next customer. I picked up the receipt, showed her it and loudly told her she only gave me 50 r. She just looked sullen. I got the hostile "you're an American" look because I didn't let her pocket my 200r. I am so sick of cashiers doing this! The last time it was at a BANK. I do know how to count, thank you very much. Give me my correct change.

I can never spell restaurant without thinking. And second guessing. And spell checking.

Light bulbs last about four days. (This time frame might be slightly exaggerated.) And they're too tall for me to reach, even on our ladder. So the landlord has to send someone with a tall ladder to do it. But, they don't come every four days. So...it's a little dark.

It's a little dark. The sun comes up after we're in school and goes down shortly after we get home. And it's still November.

The drains in our bathroom often are odorous. It is not my fault. Neither is anything effective in eliminating this problem.

I gave away so many clothes last spring that now I've got SERIOUS wardrobe problems. Serious. And France was way too expensive for me to shop.

The drunks at the produkti below us are shouting at each other outside my window.

And that's just the beginning of the glamour. ;>

world traveler

In twelve months Lexi traveled to:

• The USA (twice)
• Finland
• Slovakia
• Austria
• Hungary
• Germany
• (I guess Russia counts, too)

and, month thirteen found us in...

...France!

I leave you, the tired mama of a tired world traveler (we got up at 3:30 a.m. to make our flight), with the most perfect fall photo EVER. Thanks, Bordeaux.

headed west

It's fall break! We're headed west. Back in a week or so.

tune in

Next week The Amazing Race is right in my backyard. ;>

(No, I didn't see them while they were here. I wish I had!)

(And, YEA! the mean girls are gone.)

trunk-or-treat!

it's starts off innocuously...

Last weekend, Lexi and I took one of our new teachers for a ride on the metro. He hadn't been. And, worried that he'd be stranded here over fall break and confined to activities within walking distance of his flat, we took it upon ourselves to broaden his public transportation experiences. (And you know how much Lexi loves the metro. LOVES it! Throw in a bus and a hot dog at IKEA and she was in heaven.)

Because of other commitments, we ended up leaving around 5:00 p.m. Now, 5:00 on a Saturday in St. Petersburg is more like...1:00 in the US. Busy.

People get up and started moving around noon. A few early birds are out then, with most people heading out much later. By 5:00 shoppers and revelers and people meeting friends are out in full force.

Which means the metro and the bus were crowded. Standing-in-the-aisles crowded. Even-Lexi-stood crowded.

This is not what struck me. What struck me was how UNstruck I was...if that makes sense. He is still in that I'm in Russia! adventure, when everything is new and your senses are assaulted by the novelty of it all. Six years later it's just Yep. I'm in Russia. for me. It's just...normal expected. I look at the crowded bus and know that we're going to have to cram ourselves on, protecting our shopping and our bags. I'm not filled with wonder that so many bodies can fit on the bus. I'm not cross that I'm standing under someone's armpit. I'm not anxious that Lexi will be trampled. (Okay, not much. It's a real danger.) I was just navigating the crowds I'd expected at this time of day. He was still enjoying the novelty of a bus that looked more than full stopping and letting on another busload of passengers. And trying to cram himself on the bottom step so that the door would close.

Here's where the blogging conundrum sets in. Because, instead of just blogging, I'm starting to wonder how people will comment and react. It's my oldest-child people-pleasing nature.

But, if I do that, then it's not my blog.

I don't want to be a blogger who says, "Only comment if you agree with me."

But, I also grow weary of the comments that tell me that my experience is invalid; that my life in Russia is not really life in Russia. That it's my fault that I find it difficult to live here. That the people I encounter are completely different than I see them and know them to be. That they love Russia and if they were here they would never stop walking around in joy and wonder. Maybe so. I doubt it.

I thought the same thing about England. Loved it. LOVED it! Visited over and over, for years. Spent the summer living there, studying with the RSC. Went to drama school there. Walked around, seeing the same things I'd seen many times before, and was filled with wonder and delight. Every trip held happy adventures.

And then lived there. And...it was just life. And while there were and are things that I love about being there; living there, living outside my culture--who knew England would be outside MY culture!?! I thought that was my culture; that the little things that made me see out of step would be what made me fit in across the pond--presented real challenges. The wonderful thing about America (Actually, that should be a whole post. Let me table it for now.)

Does it mean I think you shouldn't do it; shouldn't try living in another culture that you find fascinating; shouldn't come live in Russia? No, absolutely not. Be Dorothy. See if life over the rainbow is what you really want. If it is, if you love it, forget the balloon and stay in Oz.

But, GO to Oz. (J, we know you're trying! Keep chasing rainbows.) Stop telling me how wonderful it is from the porch of your Kansas homestead. Stop trying to convince me. You're not going to. *I* am the one living this life.

So much for people-pleasing. How did a nice little post end up in a rant? No clue.

And I was just about to apologize for it! But, I'm restraining myself. Mostly. I didn't intend to hurt anyone's feelings in this post, and worry that I have. Please know that was not my intent. It's just me trying to figure out the shape of this little blog...and I let the mind wandering come pouring out of my fingers.

sneak peek

at our trunk-or-treat outfit.

Trunk-or-treat was last Friday, and Lexi was beyond thrilled with her costume. Here is the sneak peek from last Thursday's final preparations.

Tricking out the treat bag.

Just beyond delighted at how she matches the book. She spent all night telling me how she was going to be in a book tomorrow. ;>

Ladybug Girl!

She didn't like the scary costumes (and we had a lot of them. Halloween is an American holiday. While the other kids at our school are excited to dress up, they all think a scary costume--witch, vampire, etc.--is required. We say over and over that it's not...but they don't believe us.), it was cold (even snowed--bringing joy to this Colorado-girl's heart), and after one round of treats she decided to put on her coat and swing. All in all, an excellent introduction to Halloween.

(Frustrated with blogger's formatting gremlins, I took this post down quickly last week. Hopefully this looks better!)

bilateral agreement pending

Remember Torry Hansen--the woman who sent her son back to a Russia on a plane alone? (I wrote a post in response to that event here as part of a JCICS campaign.)

Unsurprisingly, that event had cataclysmic repercussions for Americans who were/are adopting. In many regions adoptions simply stopped. Yes, this happens often in Russian adoption. But it doesn't get any easier for waiting families.

Leaders from the US and Russia have met together four (I think) times since then to craft a bilateral agreement--an agreement that works both ways.

I'm the beneficiary of a different bilateral agreement. Remember my magic card that I show when I get stopped while driving? It says that Russia and the US have a bilateral agreement whereby diplomats will not pay fines on the spot. This works great for me--and when would a Russian diplomat be stopped and asked to pay a "fine" in the US?

But, this current adoption bilateral agreement makes me uneasy. There was talk of Russian officials being able to come into your homes to see your child at any time. (That may have been scrapped. It may have just been talk. I don't know.) There is also talk of allowing Russians to adopt American children. The part that sits most uncomfortably with me comes when you read things like this (Sarah, waiting out the delay with her husband, Chad, to bring home their son had this on her blog.):

MOSCOW. Oct 4 (Interfax) - A Russian-American child adoption agreement will be signed no later than January 2011, Russian children's rights commissioner Pavel Astakhov said.

The Russian Foreign Ministry has informed me that the talks are well under way and in their final state. The negotiations are over. I hope the agreement will be signed in December, or, at the latest, in January," Astakhov said at a news conference at the main Interfax office on Monday.

The "technical" signing procedure does not require the presence of the presidents, Astakhov said.

He also said that the bilateral agreement allows Russian citizens to adopt American children, as well."I think an American child must be adopted out of principle. A reward must be assigned by some public organizations to those who adopt an American child first," Astakhov said.

Under Secretary for Political Affairs William Burns told Interfax in mid-September that the United States and Russia are in the final stage of the talks on an agreement to regulate child adoption procedures between the two countries.

Both parties are confident that the agreement will serve the interests of the United States and Russia, most important, the interests of children, he said.

Did you catch that? Here it is again:

"I think an American child must be adopted out of principle. A reward must be assigned by some public organizations to those who adopt an American child first," Astakhov said.

Out of principle. Not in the best interests of the child. OUT OF PRINCIPLE. And there will be a reward for the first Russian family to do so.

It makes me feel a little sick. And knowing what happens to adopted children here when the incentives run out...makes me worry and pray for that unknown child. Would he get sent back to the US or end up in a Russian orphanage? Would the media attention be enough to keep him safe?

Who's got better more up-to-date information? I'd love to hear. I've been off the adoption boards and out of the loop since Lexi came home. Anyone able to read between the lines and know what's really going on here?

good reads

So glad that people are finding Arletta's blog helpful! If you want a good starting place, I'd start with the series Why Love Isn't Enough. It's an eight-part series that talks about prenatal drug/alcohol exposure, neglect, sexual abuse, physical abuse/domestic violence, the impact of trauma on the brain, abandonment/multiple moves and genetics.

And, in case you, like a fellow unnamed accidental blogger who has seen the error of her ways, have disregarded my repeated recommendations to read The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog by Bruce Perry, I'm recommending it AGAIN. This is the book I read and re-read. It's fascinating, a quick and easy read, and full of hope. To me, this book is much more helpful and hopeful than, really, anything else I've read. It's all about the impact on the brain that neglect and trauma have at different stages of development and how the brain can be re-wired. Really--it's fascinating.

stewing

Here's a bloggy stew for you--chunks of things that aren't a meal on their own but, thrown in with other chunks, might make a post.

*It's supposed to snow tonight. I guess, since we've been in long-sleeves since August, that's about right.

*It's been a long month. When people talked about "anniversary behaviours" I thought they were talking about general acting out, rage, grief...that sort of thing. Then, my friend June posted about how around their anniversary her son regresses to behaviours that he had when he came home. BINGO! We have had a month, off and on, of behaviours that are reminiscent of this time last year. We've had lots of sleeping issues (I know, I know--you keep reminding me and I not getting that post on sleep written. I will.) and lots of needing to be a baby and some general dissociation. Not fun, but June's post helped it make sense.

*Do you read Arletta's blog? If you've adopted or are adopting, you should. She's amazing. She's our virtual therapist, answering questions and discussing issues. I find her insights invaluable. All this to say, she's considering doing a post on anniversaries. I just find the fact that the brain records this fascinating! It's not like we talked about it being a year when these started surfacing. They just...did.

*I am very glad that we haven't seen other anniversaries marked. I watched carefully around holidays, the time she left her first family, the time she entered the orphanage, the time we met...and didn't see anything last year. I wonder, now that I know better what I'm watching for, if I'll see them this year.

*We went to Germany. My sw thinks I should write a book. She thinks we're the answer (or could be AN answer) to the negative press on "older child" adoption.

*School for Lexi is MUCH better this year. We have two American teachers who bring that worldview with them and are doing all they can to accommodate Lexi. And, we have a reading teacher who has not only lived in the US for a long time, but also has adopted a child from Russia. She thinks Russia should be prosecuted for crimes against humanity for what its orphanages do to children. I'm so grateful for all three of them.

*We also have the director's wife advocating for us. Hooray! She's gotten us in with the OT who will visit the Moscow school. And, today I found out our principal is arranging for testing with the school psychologist in Moscow. This will be a nice supplement to our testing this summer.

*School for me is a little unsettled this year. There's a new wind blowing...and I can't tell from whence it cometh. Or what it's bringing. Or leaving in it's wake. (Can the wind have a wake or are wakes solely water-related? Not bothered enough to go check. THAT says a LOT.)

*I've been a-little-bit-sick for months. Bleh.

*I have to decide, quickly, what I'm doing next year. I will have to resign (I meant that as "sign again" but, actually, the homograph works both ways.)--or not--my contract next year. I have an idea about what we'll do...and am feeling nudged...but it's going to be another leap of faith for us to take.

*We have trunk-or-treat next week. (Cars on the school playground.) Lexi will be Ladybug Girl. It's perfect. I just have to make the red tutu. And find her a red shirt. And the antennae.

And that, for now, is all.

do you blog?

Really, I used to post.

The posts were often well-written. Go troll through the archives and have a look. There's good stuff in there!

Recently, we had a visit from my Russian sw. She says that Lexi and I now look alike. Actually, we hear that often from Russian friends. They seem very relieved.

Tomorrow we head to Frankfurt to see our American sw. Fortunately, she has scheduled our visit at a series of swimming pools/water slides/saunas. Fun! We'll either take in the zoo or do some shopping Friday and then come back.

I'll see what I can manage to post that is mildly entertaining or informative but not too revealing. That's a tough line to walk!

(For the car fans out there: I have invested an absurd amount of money in a parking space nearby. So far, so good.)

Thanks for sticking around!

Happy Family Day!

ONE YEAR
as a happy family

Then:

(Looking at the gate, trying to understand everything and then...oh, that picture in the car of my brave, BRAVE little girl just breaks my heart. Can you imagine leaving everything you know to set out with a stranger--even if it seems like a kind one--yet again? The last one is the glimpse we got of Lexi--before all the overstimulation caught up with her. I love that one. And then her patience as we waited and waited amazed me.)

height and weight were both at 10%

That night she chose to eat watermelon and cheese.

and now:

Yes, the weather is worse, but just look at how much happier and more comfortable she is! (This is the only photo where the photographer didn't move.)

height 118.5 cm
weight 45.5 lbs.
(both just over the 25%)

Tonight she chose chicken pie (okay, she might have wanted fish...but I wanted us to eat the same thing, so chicken it was) and bulochka (little poppy seed sweetrolls--these were chocolate-covered) and some of her favorite chocolate bar.

I am so grateful for the gift of this amazing child. More photos this weekend!

5 w's

who: my car (not strictly a who, but the subject nonetheless. think personification.)
what: towed
when: saturday afternoon, apparently
where: (this is new) to a police impound lot that costs 600r/day
why: just to provide me with blog fodder, i guess

we have to find the lot, go and get my papers out of the car and get a paper from the lot-keeper, go to the central police station, find the person who signed off on the tow of my car (stop laughing), calculate the fine--and pay it, i think, go back to the lot and get my car.

in the rain.

with a rotten cold.

and a tired seven-year-old.

and the invaluable and always cheerful help of my dear friend, marina.

seriously--without her and my red plates, i don't think i'd drive here.

this time last year

A year ago today this post graced the www:

This is Kate's friend Kat. Kate does not have a phone or laptop in Moscow however she wants everyone to know that court was a HUGE SUCCESS!!!

She is the proud mother of Alexandra Eleanor.

LEXI is coming home soon!!!!!

I enjoyed my time in court. The full court story didn't get published until two days later when I was back home with internet and phone access. I don't count this as our family day, as the decision wasn't final yet, but it is an important, special day.