07 June 2009

prepare yourselves

During our last field trip, I had nine of my twelve parents along for the fun. They all had their cameras and were clicking away--calling to their kidlings to "Look over here. Smile. Say 'kimchee.' Over here." I was busy trying to get pictures for our class and for the three moms who weren't there. Our tour was fast-paced and we were whisked from one activity to another.

I think it's great to have photos. I don't have nearly enough photographs from my childhood. There aren't everyday moments captured. I have friends that I've known for over thirty years and we have a handful of photos of us together. It was so normal for us to be together that it wasn't photo-worthy, I guess. There aren't yearly birthday and Christmas photos, marking growth and change. I want to have more photos of my child. I've been a good photographer of my friends' children for years. I'm looking forward to doing the same thing for d2b.

But.

You knew there was a but coming, didn't you?

I think that we've become spectators of our own lives--photographing and recording and commenting on them instead of just living them.

While I know you are all dying to hear and see what is happening, recording it in the moment is not my priority. This is a moment that I want to LIVE. I'll share some of it...but it may be after I'm back. (And, of course, photos have to wait until after custody is granted, as per Russian law and common sense.) I may have time to blog while I'm away, but I may not. I'm not even sure about internet availability.

I am so grateful for all the support I have both irl and in the blogpsphere. It's wonderful! But, this moment is mine. Is ours, mine and d2b's. And I think I may need to just treasure it up for a little while before I decide what to share with all of you. I just wanted you to be prepared. ;>

12 comments:

Mrs. Butler said...

I knew you would live it this way, Kate, and am grateful you are going to be that kind of mommy. We'll see you both soon enough! Praying for you extra now.

Jim said...

Glad to see you focusing on the right things. We can wait. But we'll be busy praying while we wait. Enjoy your moment.

Lindsay said...

The most important thing is for you to be able to focus on each other. It's not about documenting it for your blog, or anything like that. There will be many, many moments in the future where the camera will not be intrusive. One thing I did do was keep a diary for Hannah, and after that first meeting I wrote so much of what it had been like to meet her, and all that kind of stuff. I'm so very glad I kept it. It actually captured far more than a photo ever could.

Barb said...

I totally get that - I wasn't a blogger during our first trip (looking back, I wouldn't have had any time for it) and I didn't even journal until sitting on the train homebound (about 13 pages {okay, it was a small-er book:-)}). Just try to get somebody to take pictures for you. We asked a couple of times for individual shots, but should've said to somebody "take lots!". We ended up with not so many photos from the first trip, many of her alone (running), several out-of-focus and little to choose from when needed for court!

Liz said...

I think you're totally right - go and focus on d2b and don't worry about us! I have pretty much decided to do the same thing when it comes time for me to travel, the folks back home can wait to hear all about it when we're back!

Rachael said...

I know what you mean. I often feel this way with my kids: when we are busiest and happiest, I never have time to blog it (e.g. the "lost" - or maybe just pending - Moscow trip posts) and I have to just squelch the guilt, 'cause it's better to just sit back and enjoy it than to stress about remembering every last detail.

Also, for the same reasons, I rarely ever video my kids. I just can't stand to be stuck with my eye behind the camera -- I feel like I'm missing out. But, boy do I treasure the little bit of video I do have (and of course wish I could get back some of the moments I didn't record.)

Enjoy your trip. And maybe just toss us a morsel here and there to keep us vultures at bay. ;)

Kristine said...

I agree with you! I actually snuck off on the first trip and didn't even tell my blogger friends that I was leaving until I got back! Well, maybe one or two...

it was fun and then there wasn't any pressure...and boy were they surprised! I hadn't even told them I had a referral..things just moved so quickly.

I hope you have a wonderful trip!

Kristine

Debbie said...

I had a spiral bound notebook that I wrote everything in from all our trips...measurements, comments, day to day activities, everything... some I shared via blog, much not...but going back and reading it is so precious now. It is surprising how much of what you think you'll remember forever-you forget... Of course that final trip I blogged (most) everything :)

McMary said...

I totally agree with you regarding the blogging and living your life.
I used to be the photographer for our family and snapped pics while everyone else was having fun. I enjoyed it and have lots of great pics but I am in none of them. I have decided that a couple good pics are great but it is more fun to be a part of everything. Since then I have less photo books but many great memories of enjoyable days.
You have fun and we'll see you when you are ready to share.

Carrie said...

I get not blogging. Even during down time, I couldn't think well enough to sit and blog, anyway. Use that precious time to drink in every second, every memory.

My only (and best) piece of advice: have someone use your camera/video camera to record the moment you first meet you potential d2b. I have video of the second I first met Grace and it's something I will always treasure. It's not something I care to post to the web, either, it's just a little something I share with Grace. It's our moment.

Anonymous said...

Good idea. I would encourage you to keep a diary and get pics taken. You will be surprised at how many details you forget. I have a sribbly notebook where I wrote exchange rates, little impressions of things we saw, conversations and names an addresses. Some of the little things I wrote entirely slipped my mind.
PS: my journal abrupty ends the day I got custody. :-)
Serena

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

hey, you do it your way! It is your family, you make the decisions.

(but I will be clicking a few thousand times just to check if the spirit were to move you lol)