17 July 2009

real

It's really going to happen.

Yesterday, I just felt so much lighter. I know much of that was my sw visit. I had been concerned about to going to court and swearing I lived where I didn't live...and getting caught in a lie...and having the judge deny my adoption...

With my rock star visit yesterday, all of that concern just vanished! (Agency has yet to acknowledge this good news, I suspect, because their mouths are full of crow.)

The other thing that makes this real, more real than the toys and dresses and things that have been accumulating for years now, arrived yesterday.

I remember shopping for a wedding dress with my friend Lara. She tried on beautiful dresses, including the dress that was just perfect for her. And she was fine--happy, but in a sort of impersonal way. Then they put a veil on her and happy tears came flooding out. The veil made it real.

Here's what's made things real:


I've had the privilege of buying dolls, first dolls, even, for my friends' children and my niece. I've been looking forward to doing the same for my daughter. But I refused to buy d2b's doll until I knew she was coming home. I wanted it to look like her. So I waited. Yesterday, her doll arrived! I even had time to place it in the cradle before the sw came.

Now, every time I pass by Sasha's door and see her doll sleeping in the cradle, I smile. It's real.

Yes, that's her sweet, dainty room--without being pink. Oh--the doll's blanket is pink (not unpacked in this photo) and there's a pink pillow on the green couch. I still need to sew that slipcover. Photographs don't do justice to this room. I love the arch in here! It keeps it feeling cozy. On either side of the arch, the ceiling soar. There are floaty, white cotton curtains on the window at the foot of the bed. The sill is more than wide enough to curl up on and watch the happenings in the courtyard. That's my beloved bed in there--one I shopped ages to find. It came with me from the US. But, I thought that when we do move from Russia, it might be comforting for Sasha to have the same bed in our new house, so I've given it to her. It's oak with a spoon-carved daisy. On the wall across from the dresser, where you can see them while you're lying in bed, are three large photos of the two of us from trip one. The six little pictures are Monet prints from a calendar and bits of pretty wrapping paper. Next to the dresser is a large, oak-colored wardrobe. Above the little couch is the big Noah's ark print that I love. This room could use some wall stickers, couldn't it? I wish I were able to paint.

I am trying to decide if Sasha's doll will come with up on our pick-up trip. If the orphanage will let Sasha bring her elephant with her, then I think the doll should wait at home. The elephant will be familiar (I hope) and smell like the orphanage. (Sasha's Elephant could be the sequel to Mishka: An Adoption Tale.) But, if the orphanage keeps the elephant, then I'd love to have her doll for the time in Moscow...and on the plane rides. Right now, I'm contemplating sacrificing valuable suitcase space for the doll and just keeping her hidden if the elephant makes it out of the orphanage. What fun things to ponder!

15 comments:

jen.weber said...

Finally a doll for your daughter! As the recipient of a doll from Kate, Emily will be so excited to hear this news. It is real indeed. Love, Nif

The Holmes Crew said...

Such a wonderful post! I just loved the "punchline" as to why it is real! Her room is adorable, and I think yes, it could use "something" but it might be nice to find out a little more of her personality first, and decide together! Just a thought!

Debbie B said...

I love the room. And the doll is so sweet. What I love more is to hear you talk in the future of having her and knowing it's all going to happen.

Fran said...

I'm so happy for you. I have a tear just reading your post, preparing Sasha's room is a real joy and making it very real for you. Can't wait till your court date.

Debbie said...

the room just sound so nice!!

Rachael said...

Her room is so sweet and homey.

I vote for taking the doll. Baby dolls don't weigh much.

Lindsay said...

Love the room and the bed. So excited for you that everything is coming together. BTW you don't need to be able to paint: 'borrow' a data projector from your work and project the image onto the wall and then stencil/paint it in :)

I wanted to bring Hannah's bed cover home with us (something familiar since they never gave her the transition object as they wanted to keep it nice!). So I gave them new bedding as a swap for her old stuff. Maybe you could swap a toy for the elephant?

beckyww said...

This is so exciting! Blog it all, Kate! Blog every bit.

Carrie said...

It IS real! And what's funny: right now you say, "it's real". And when she gets home, you'll say, "I can't believe it's real". LOL

Jim said...

My wife and I couldn't help but notice how much Sasha's room looks organized and imminent, the way our daughter's room was between trips. Everything is neatly placed and ready. It's real, alright. I can't help but smile knowing that it'll probably never look that neat again after she's home, and you won't mind a bit!

Signe said...

Sasha's room is beautiful...and big!!! I love the arch too! I agree with the above comment about how nice and tidy her room looks now-- don't get used to that!! I look at the pix of Varya's room from the photos for court and I hardly recognize it--but it's ok, there's a beautiful little girl who lives in that room now and she's left her mark all over it!! (unfortunately she's left it literally in some cases :) You will have a happy mess too and it will all be so wonderful!! Yea REAL!!!

votemom said...

it looks great kate!

but don't paint anything yet...

wait a while... and let sasha choose what she'd like added. there's lot of time.

i love you both!

kristin said...

Love the room with the arch! I too wish you could paint! On suggestion is to get a painters mat, paint it and hang it up as a large wall hanging. Just a suggestion. I know she will love the doll! Klaire's favorite thing is her American Girl doll Martha. I'm so happy for you!

Conethia and Jim Bob said...

I love the slide show! She is absolutely precious! You're on your way! I can't wait.

Jenni said...

The room looks great! And I love the idea of "Sasha's Elephant" as a sequel to "Mishka: An Adoption tale."