21 June 2009

hers and mine

Have you read the book, Two Little Girls? I read it ages ago and, quite frankly, can't remember if it was good or not. I do vividly remember thinking that I hoped her children, especially her second daughter, never read that book.

So, I'm cautious about sharing.

I've read so many stories, and have become vf's with families who've brought home little six- and seven-year-old girls from Russia. After a settling-in period, which seems to often include some very physical moments, these girls hit the ground running.

Their backgrounds, however, are quite different to my little bunny's. We're not going to be running any time soon. We're going to be having a nice leisurely walk. And it's a walk I'm so looking forward to taking! But, I'm not sure that it's one I'm going to be blogging. We'll see.

I'm going to be discreet from now until court. You'll just have to bear with me and know that it's all worth it. ;>

Let's see...

She is not at all what I expected.
We are perfect for each other.
  • I'm a teacher.
  • I was a psych major...until I realized all I could do was go to grad school...which would postpone my acting career even further.
  • I ended up with a psych minor.
  • My focus was on children--developmental psychology.
  • I've had an interest in, and done much research about, the challenges d2b has in front of her.
  • I've got lots of clothes in her size. ;>
Everyone who sees us--the examining doctor, my agency staff, the sw, the director of the orphanage thinks we're a good match, one that is more than good, one that is deep and strong and true. My child-charming skills, while not a surprise to me, were a source of amazement to many onlookers. The sw was very impressed that I was "a professional".

It wasn't until the second day that I knew. It was then that I realized that if I'd prayed for the right child to be referred to me first, then I'd best open my eyes to why this was the right child, instead of worrying about why I might not be the right Mama for her. It was that second morning, when I was walking to get a Coke before we left, that I realized I couldn't really put a limit on my obedience. I am adopting because I know it is what I'm supposed to do. So, who am I do say that I'll obey up to a point but no further? That actually made me laugh. I was much calmer going in the second day. And I knew when I saw her again that she was mine, and I was hers.

Even though I didn't know it at the time, I started being her Mama about five minutes after they brought her to me, a scared little bird, so worried about what to do and determined to do things correctly, and then proceeded to read her history out in front of her. I was livid!

She understands my Russian. She listens to me, and turns to me, instead of to the translator. (After my second translator's first day, which was the second day, I had to get her to back off and stop trying to push things. It isn't her job to bond with d2b or to run a dog-and-pony show. And, frankly, what she thought was important I didn't. I gave her the cameras to keep her busy. It helped...but she's not a great photographer.)

She is more agreeable than any child I've ever met. Ever. She does everything willingly and wholeheartedly.

She loves balloons and balls. She like puzzles and games and drawing. She likes hearts and stickers. We had so much fun playing with some wooden farm animals I found. (We made the goat a cow and then a dog. There was no dog. How can there not be a sabaka?)

She has never had a choice and doesn't really know how to make one. She will choose between two activities, but was very perplexed when we asked her what color shoes I should bring her. Several colors were suggested and she was still perplexed. When I told her, "Mama will choose?" I got a big grin (oh, those dimples), an emphatic nod and a big sigh of relief.

She's figured out what makes me smile (like her dramatic, tak, tak, tak --kind of like "so" and kind of just a thinking, tongue-clucking noise--while she's thinking or looking for an answer) and does it purposely. She mirrors the way I'm sitting. If my chin is in my hand, hers will be moments later.

She has scars over both eyebrows that look like injuries that should have been stitched and weren't.

She is a teeny-tiny little peanut. She's 111 cm tall and weighs...not nearly enough!

She is very precise in everything that she does. She is eager to please and to do things the. right. way. She looks into my eyes and just searches.

She has the sweetest voice, the deepest dimples, the most gorgeous eyes.

She cried every day when I left. This, her panic the first day, her inconsolablity the second, her determination the third and her melting into my hug on the last day broke my heart four different ways.

I left her a stuffed elephant (what else?) that I'd been sleeping with for weeks so that it would smell like me (the best connector to memory). Elephants never forget. They promised to let her sleep with it. My arms are so empty without that elephant.

She loved her photo book about her new life--home, cats, school, friends and family. She likes that she will have three uncles. She likes her toys and her dresses. She was excited about the circus. She said she will throw the mouse for Mia. (Mia is thrilled.) But her absolute favorite page, the one she poured over every time we looked at it, was a page with photos of the two of us. She was just amazed. We decorated the book with stickers. She was ready to go home on Thursday--and I was so ready to take her! They said they would read her book with her.

She is mine and I am hers.

She needs to come home. Now.


Unknown said...

My heart is twice its normal size. I am so excited for you and for her. You share what you want to share. I am sure I overshare about some things (funny, embarrassing family stories) now that they are home, but not at all that stuff that they read out to you (us too...why????) when you are in country. So so so so happy for you. Here's to time flying for Trip 2...

Anonymous said...

Wow! What a wonderful story! It is amazing, and it sounds like you and she are perfect for one another!

Rachael said...

It gives me happy chills and goose-bumps to read this!

Will you be able to visit her while waiting for court?

Maggie said...

I'm so happy for you.

Lakeshore Cottage Living said...

I loved every word of this post. I hope you are reunited soon.


InventingLiz said...

So very happy for you! You sound like a perfect match for each other, and I hope she will be with you forever very soon!

Tami said...

SO incredibly happy for both of you. What an amazing four days you must have had. She sounds like the perfect little peanut for you...and you for her. Is there any chance of you getting to visit her during the waiting period or is it too far away?
Praying for a QUICK court appointment. ((hugs))

A Room to Grow said...

Yes, sounds like a perfect match. I'm very happy that she has turned out to be a perfect match. I am amazed how it always seems to turn out that way.

One thing in your post I could really connect with. Rita was the same way about making choices. Or to talk about the way she FEELS about something. She is getting much better but it look 6-9 months for her to have her own true opinions about things. I always found that hard to describe to other people.

Rachael said...

Kate and Tricia -- my Katya was the total opposite: she had an opinion on EVERYTHING. She was so self-sufficient, it was like she'd been her own little mama and papa for 7 years and our big problem was teaching her that kids DO need parents. It is so interesting to me how kids deal with trauma differently.

P.S. Just reread your post. Still gives me happy chills for you BOTH.

Maggie Vink said...

p.s. Love that the bus is in your header now.

Anonymous said...

Kate, I'm soooo pleased for you.

Lea said...

God is so awesome. He never lets us down. He alone knew which child would be perfect for you and you for her. Good for you for recognizing that and being obedient. Praise the Lord:).

Suz said...

Kate, I've been blog MIA and have yet to read all about your experience. I just want to right away tell you that I've been praying for you and D2B every day, since before you left to go meet her.

Now, I'll go read all about it!

Suz said...

Ok, I've read and I am so excited for you both. Now I'm going to start praying that the time until court is VERY SHORT!

Anonymous said...

Oh my God. I am breathless. So beyond thrilled for you - and you sounds just so... at peace. And excited at the same time. I just know she is holding tight to that elephant and dreaming of her new mama.

Annie said...

Now...I am shivering with those memories of bonding with my dear ones. You described it so beautifully, and so well that all of us adoptive moms are jellies reading it. I feel sick to MY stomach that you had to leave her - and hope, oh, so strongly, that she can keep the elephant.

And....this is being a mama. Knowing that maybe this child isn't perfect - but you are perfect together. Then that begins to change because your idea of perfect changes....to look JUST LIKE your dear sweetie. You wouldn't want anything else. Anyone else.

Matt and Carla Morgan said...

Huge, huge smiles reading this post, friend. A leisurly walk sounds good, indeed. This is not a race. Getting her home is a race! Now sounds nice :)

hugs, cm

votemom said...

tears running down my face.
Dear Lord, please Please PLEASE let her come home soon!

Holly said...

I have tears streaking my face, too. She does need to come home and you're right: some things should remain private.

I'm so happy for you, and I know that your daughter will see what a wonderful mom she has in you, and that she will come to know that life is full of bright moments and countless possibilities.

Denyse said...

Tears of happiness fill my eyes as I write to tell you how happy and excited I am for you and d2b. I hope trip 2 is right around the corner! Your descriptions of her and your meetings were fabulous. I know that she is now happily thinking of her future. That must be one of the best things for you someone is now waiting for you too...and you know her and you know soon you will be together forever. Praying that forever comes soon.

Anonymous said...

I am so pleased, Kate. A beautiful beginning.


Andrea said...

I just want to take the both of you and put you in your home together RIGHT NOW! Like a little set of Kate and d2b dolls, or something.

Hugs to you both, Kate, and so - much - joy!

Melissa said...

tears in my eyes. so sweet. I hope you go back within the month

Lauri said...

Big Hugs...

share what you feel comfy sharing.. just know that we are here for you and so happy that it is finally your turn

and I know with all my heart... what ever comes your way.. you Can handle it.

Maura said...

Kate, this is the best. post. ever.

Your descriptions of you and your d2b during your meetings bring tears to my eyes. There is warmth, love and protectiveness there already - welcome to motherhood! And clearly she wants to be with her mama.

I so hope court comes quickly so you two can begin your life together.

Jen said...

Kate, your daughter is so very loved already. I can see how much she is already in your heart... and you hers, through your words.

I'm so happy that you two have found each other!! God really does know what he is doing ;-)

Tina in CT said...

Thank you for posting for all of us readers.

So glad that the visit went so well and hope that you get a court date very soon so your D2B can go home with you.

Great idea to make the photo album of you, the two of you, the cats and your home. I'm sure she will look at it time and time again each day wishing to see you again.

Great that the clothes you have will fit her too.

Wonderful idea about the stuffed elephant. You have thought of everything to the smallest detail.

J. said...

So, so, so happy for you both! Can't wait til the time is fitting to find out more!

Allison B said...

I wish NOW were possible. She needs to come home to her mama! Any idea how long until trip 2?

Jackie said...

Oh Kate...your words are so genuine and touching. I hope the wait to bring d2b home is quick, and I can't wait to see pictures of you together.


Debbie said...

sooo HAPPY for you!!! Yes, she needs to be home NOW!

Tammy said...

I was so excited when I saw the bus at the top of your page!! I too am very much about symbolism.

It sounds like you two "fit" already. You comment on the way she watches your every move - you were doing the exact same thing!! I wish I could be a fly on the wall and watch the two of your together. It sounds poetic and beautiful.

And yes, you tell us only what you feel comfortable with. I felt the same thing when I was matched with my last failed adoption. There were things I shared but also things I didn't, especially some of the negative things about the birth mom. Private family business is just that - private.

I too wish I could speed up the days until she comes home to you. I ache for you both!

Anonymous said...

Beautiful. Love, Nif

Amy...who wanted 4. said...

Has anyone told you that you are an awesome writer??? LOL
That was so vivid, I felt like I was there.
So happy for you both!

Anonymous said...

You are the most amazing writer..I feel like I was right there with you..hearing her precious voice, watching her expressions, feeling the feelings of such a defining moment in both of your lives.
When I read your post, my eyes filled with tears..when i think of the hope for the future..hope that she could not imagine a week ago..wow God is so very good!! And blessings to you for your patience and determination..how BLESSED this little girl will be to have you as her Mama!!!!!
I keeping singing "When Love Takes You In" by Steven Curtis Chapman..

Anonymous said...

I am covered in goosebumps and my eyes are brimmed with tears. I am SO happy you have found each other.

Holly said...

Whoa. Holy brown & pastel new graphics, Batman!

Calico Sky said...

Oh Kate, I'm so happy for you. This post was just beautiful. I love the point about obedience, so so important and so true.

I'm praying for that elephant to remain by her side until you take her home.


Deb said...

Sounds like a perfect match. God knows what He is doing I'm thinking.
It really sounds like you both already started a wonderful bond. Praying for that court date to come sooner then possible.

Joanie, Alan, Kirsten & Elisabeth said...

More than cool... I am starting to love her myself!
So So glad for you, Kate!

McMary said...

Kate--Your wonderful story brought tears to my eyes and I am so happy for you--the right child did come to you and you are meant to be.

Jenni said...

Oh Kate, you had such a wonderful visit with d2b! I loved reading this post. Here's hoping that the paperwork is completed quickly and the time until your court date flies by! You'll be a Mama in your day-to-day life (because I know you are already one in your heart) before you know it!

Susan said...

love, Love, LOVE this post! Nobody, child or adult, is perfect...but it sounds like you're WONDERFUL together!

RAH said...

Oh wow K8!
I know it has taken forever, and it has been a mere 3 years since we have seen you which is nearly a lifetime in many ways.
I am so glad you have a d2b now.
You have a wonderful way of describing her and my heart breaks for you both until the final day when we can rejoice with gladness over this wonderful adoption. I am so happy for you both! Vera has been "home" for 3 years a week from Sat. Somehow it makes July 4 extra special. And she has done well, and has settled into our family nicely.
We love you and we cherish your heart.

Anonymous said...

I know this was written a long time ago and I don't know where you end up since I've just started reading in chronological order... the bit about her never having choices before and the bit about her being panicked, then inconsolable and eventually, melting into your hug! I'm crying so much. All the best, Alex

Anonymous said...

I don't know where you end up since I just started reading in chronological order, but I'm crying so much. When you said about her not having choices before, and how she panicked the first day you left and eventually melted into your hug on the fourth! Wow!