12 October 2010


Here's a bloggy stew for you--chunks of things that aren't a meal on their own but, thrown in with other chunks, might make a post.

*It's supposed to snow tonight. I guess, since we've been in long-sleeves since August, that's about right.

*It's been a long month. When people talked about "anniversary behaviours" I thought they were talking about general acting out, rage, grief...that sort of thing. Then, my friend June posted about how around their anniversary her son regresses to behaviours that he had when he came home. BINGO! We have had a month, off and on, of behaviours that are reminiscent of this time last year. We've had lots of sleeping issues (I know, I know--you keep reminding me and I not getting that post on sleep written. I will.) and lots of needing to be a baby and some general dissociation. Not fun, but June's post helped it make sense.

*Do you read Arletta's blog? If you've adopted or are adopting, you should. She's amazing. She's our virtual therapist, answering questions and discussing issues. I find her insights invaluable. All this to say, she's considering doing a post on anniversaries. I just find the fact that the brain records this fascinating! It's not like we talked about it being a year when these started surfacing. They just...did.

*I am very glad that we haven't seen other anniversaries marked. I watched carefully around holidays, the time she left her first family, the time she entered the orphanage, the time we met...and didn't see anything last year. I wonder, now that I know better what I'm watching for, if I'll see them this year.

*We went to Germany. My sw thinks I should write a book. She thinks we're the answer (or could be AN answer) to the negative press on "older child" adoption.

*School for Lexi is MUCH better this year. We have two American teachers who bring that worldview with them and are doing all they can to accommodate Lexi. And, we have a reading teacher who has not only lived in the US for a long time, but also has adopted a child from Russia. She thinks Russia should be prosecuted for crimes against humanity for what its orphanages do to children. I'm so grateful for all three of them.

*We also have the director's wife advocating for us. Hooray! She's gotten us in with the OT who will visit the Moscow school. And, today I found out our principal is arranging for testing with the school psychologist in Moscow. This will be a nice supplement to our testing this summer.

*School for me is a little unsettled this year. There's a new wind blowing...and I can't tell from whence it cometh. Or what it's bringing. Or leaving in it's wake. (Can the wind have a wake or are wakes solely water-related? Not bothered enough to go check. THAT says a LOT.)

*I've been a-little-bit-sick for months. Bleh.

*I have to decide, quickly, what I'm doing next year. I will have to resign (I meant that as "sign again" but, actually, the homograph works both ways.)--or not--my contract next year. I have an idea about what we'll do...and am feeling nudged...but it's going to be another leap of faith for us to take.

*We have trunk-or-treat next week. (Cars on the school playground.) Lexi will be Ladybug Girl. It's perfect. I just have to make the red tutu. And find her a red shirt. And the antennae.

And that, for now, is all.


june said...

sorry you had to deal with the anniversary thing... but glad knowing about it helped.

Glad school is going better and Lexi's teachers are more suited to her! And I look forward to hearing where the "nudge" will take you. :)

Lindsay said...

I find the whole anniversary thing fascinating - like you say, what the brain records is just amazing. Hope you are both sailing in calmer waters now and you are feeling better.

And smiling for you to read Lexi is having a good time in school and has great teachers. It must be tremendous for both of you.

Hannah says, 'Dear Lexi what is your school like. You're my good friend. I love you. Bye bye.'

All the best with the decision making. I'd say come here, but I have no idea what the vacancy situation will be like next year. Still... come here!

Barb said...

Hmmm . . . anniversary . . . I think we have deeper issues here . .. I clicked over to the blog link you posted and was reading (out loud to Stefan) . . .so many things we are experiencing here . . . anyways, I have added it to my reading list . . lot's of good info there, so thanks for sharing that!

Tammy said...

There is definitely something to the anniversary thing. Just as there is something to certain time frames triggering trauma. For the longest time, Zachary cycled every 2 weeks - 2 good weeks, 2 horrible weeks - this went on for probably close to a year. When I stopped to think about it, there was good reason for the 2 week cycle, as he was moved every 2 weeks for a period of time. It's like every 2 weeks his "clock" reset, because that's what he was used to.

Now mind you, Zachary was a baby. He has no cognitive sense of time. But I could set my calender by his mood cycles. It was crazy.

The good news is that regressions usually lead to growth spurts. They can be a tool to heal, assuming you can weather through them, which I know you both will.

I am so glad to hear of all the advocates you have now and that the teachers are better. It is a horrible feeling sending your child to somewhere where you know she will be overwhelmed and struggle.

I am curious to see where the winds blow you. Wisconsin is always nice this time of year...and you are already used to bad winters. Compared to Russia, our winters are nothing! (And we don't have those crazy car troubles that Russia does LOL!)

Lindy D. said...

Interesting to read about the anniversary behavior. I would have thought it was related to reentering her home environment after traveling or going back to school. God bless sweet Lexi. I'm so glad you are her mother.

By all means write a book. You are so insightful and write so well. Maybe you can get a grant and take a year "off" to write it!

Tina in CT said...

I learned something from you as I did not know about the anniversary behavior.

Are you planning to return home to the US next year?

Hope your start feeling better.

I clicked on the link. I have not seen the ladybug girl books - adorable.

The trunk or treating is a great idea for US kids overseas.

Snow already!

Maura said...

We saw the anniversary behavior the first year - less the second. But we see behavior issues in our boy during big transitions like going back to school, ending school, being away for a chunk of time. Thankfully, they last for shorter periods each year, but I think he'll always have trouble with change. Routine is his friend.

So glad Lexie is having a better school year and getting better support. And LOVE the ladybug costume idea!

Good luck with your decisions as you determine what the wind is bringing.

Anonymous said...

thanks for the updates and it's nice to see you posting again!!

Debbie said...

THANK YOU for posting the link to the blog...Just a little reading through it has helped me process a few things and I KNOW it's going to help alot with others... The power of the internet and virtual friends... Thank you again!

julian said...

I would write a long post about how I would meet the needs of my students and parents, but it hurts my feeling too much! I know you understand.
Still bruised. Still hurting over the whole thing...

I don't want you to leave StP..You are my link. You have the only POV that I can relate to..And I lOVE a mixed pot of stew blog posts!!!!

Cathy said...

The anniversary thing does not necessarily get easier as time goes by...but at least you know when to look for signs and what to do to counter the negative effects. Hoping that you and Lexie find a safe, loving and fun place to land in the next year!

Lea said...

Wow, hard to believe it has already been one year. I had been wondering how school was going for you both this year. (I don't comment often these days but I am still a very regular reader and look forward to your updates...and very glad you decided to keep blogging:).

I'm so glad to hear things are better for Lexi at school this year. That is wonderful and must be a relief for you.

What a big decision you have to make. I hope you decide to leave Russia, as it just seems the world is so much more unstable these days and you never know when things might take a big turn for the worse.

I hope the anniversary behaviors disappear quickly.