26 October 2007

losing battles

Insomnia. I battle if often. Yuck. But, it's vacation! That means I have a week to sort out my sleep (I like to sleep 2 am-10 am which was perfect when I was acting but not-so-perfect when I'm teaching) and get myself back to myself.

I'm flattered by how quickly some of you read my ramblings. Some of you read that I had an e-mail from sw2. I was pretty taken aback by some of her wording. And, while I wanted to leap in and defend myself, I didn't. I decided that a gloating sw was a better visitor than an angry one and that I'd have to lose this battle. I sought some wise council and the counselor concurred. So, I said nothing about my priorities (which were called into question) or my uncertainties about sw2.5. I did not vindicate myself or insist that I get my way.

SW2 offered a compromise and I leapt to accept. Too much public disclosure is not a good thing, but, suffice it to say that 2.5 will be coming to visit.

I felt like I'd lost. I hadn't gotten exactly what I wanted out of this. I didn't get to say what I wanted to say. I didn't have the sw I wanted coming. But. But, when I thought about d2b it became no contest. Of course I'd rather "lose" the battle of the homevisit and win the war of bringing her home. How could I ever explain to her that I didn't bring her home because I was too prideful and too stubborn? I couldn't. I won't. I will smile and chat and be nice. I will catch my flies with honey. I may even bake muffins.

So, 2.5 is coming...as soon as I can get a response to an e-mail. My hs will be finished, I will get my I-171H renewed (at no cost, thank you very much), and d2b will come home. I just keep praying it's soon.


Debi said...

I am on my hands and knees with you in prayer...

ferenge mama said...

good for you! The battle v. the war is sometimes a really hard distinction to make, but you are doing it.

And you are so smart to focus on the goal of this whole rigamarole, rather than the immediate task.

I'm keeping you in my prayers, too.

Anonymous said...

Bravo for you for figuring out the "battle versus the war" issue. I think you are spot on the money.

We had to do that with a situation gone sour with our social worker last adoption about the time it wound up. Man, are we ever glad we chose to turn the other cheek and "lose the battle" as we need her now that we've started our second adoption--adopting our DD's best friend, God willing. And yeah, what could we ever have thought about ourselves had we lost the chance to adopt her due to not having a social worker in our camp?!

Lisa said...

Seems like it's always something, huh? Sounds like you made the right decision.

Glad you're getting your I-171H renewed for free! I had to pay for mine TWICE. Not happy about that, but in the grand scheme of things... really not important.

Hope you have a great weekend and vacation!

Tami said...

You've got your priorities straight. It takes someone who is confident of herself and her mission to be able 'allow' herself to lose the battle in order to win the war. Good going!
BTW - I too have often wondered if the little girl on my blog would look like Maddie! :) The funny thing is...she looks just like I did at that age! :)

Jackie said...

Sending lots of good thoughts your way so that things keep moving forward and your dream becomes a reality :)

Anonymous said...

Perfect choice, dear friend! We like to refer to that approach as "heaping burning coals" as per Proverbs 25:21-22.

Anonymous said...

Praying all goes well with the visit and your daughter can come home soon.