headed west

It's fall break! We're headed west. Back in a week or so.

tune in

Next week The Amazing Race is right in my backyard. ;>

(No, I didn't see them while they were here. I wish I had!)

(And, YEA! the mean girls are gone.)

trunk-or-treat!

it's starts off innocuously...

Last weekend, Lexi and I took one of our new teachers for a ride on the metro. He hadn't been. And, worried that he'd be stranded here over fall break and confined to activities within walking distance of his flat, we took it upon ourselves to broaden his public transportation experiences. (And you know how much Lexi loves the metro. LOVES it! Throw in a bus and a hot dog at IKEA and she was in heaven.)

Because of other commitments, we ended up leaving around 5:00 p.m. Now, 5:00 on a Saturday in St. Petersburg is more like...1:00 in the US. Busy.

People get up and started moving around noon. A few early birds are out then, with most people heading out much later. By 5:00 shoppers and revelers and people meeting friends are out in full force.

Which means the metro and the bus were crowded. Standing-in-the-aisles crowded. Even-Lexi-stood crowded.

This is not what struck me. What struck me was how UNstruck I was...if that makes sense. He is still in that I'm in Russia! adventure, when everything is new and your senses are assaulted by the novelty of it all. Six years later it's just Yep. I'm in Russia. for me. It's just...normal expected. I look at the crowded bus and know that we're going to have to cram ourselves on, protecting our shopping and our bags. I'm not filled with wonder that so many bodies can fit on the bus. I'm not cross that I'm standing under someone's armpit. I'm not anxious that Lexi will be trampled. (Okay, not much. It's a real danger.) I was just navigating the crowds I'd expected at this time of day. He was still enjoying the novelty of a bus that looked more than full stopping and letting on another busload of passengers. And trying to cram himself on the bottom step so that the door would close.

Here's where the blogging conundrum sets in. Because, instead of just blogging, I'm starting to wonder how people will comment and react. It's my oldest-child people-pleasing nature.

But, if I do that, then it's not my blog.

I don't want to be a blogger who says, "Only comment if you agree with me."

But, I also grow weary of the comments that tell me that my experience is invalid; that my life in Russia is not really life in Russia. That it's my fault that I find it difficult to live here. That the people I encounter are completely different than I see them and know them to be. That they love Russia and if they were here they would never stop walking around in joy and wonder. Maybe so. I doubt it.

I thought the same thing about England. Loved it. LOVED it! Visited over and over, for years. Spent the summer living there, studying with the RSC. Went to drama school there. Walked around, seeing the same things I'd seen many times before, and was filled with wonder and delight. Every trip held happy adventures.

And then lived there. And...it was just life. And while there were and are things that I love about being there; living there, living outside my culture--who knew England would be outside MY culture!?! I thought that was my culture; that the little things that made me see out of step would be what made me fit in across the pond--presented real challenges. The wonderful thing about America (Actually, that should be a whole post. Let me table it for now.)

Does it mean I think you shouldn't do it; shouldn't try living in another culture that you find fascinating; shouldn't come live in Russia? No, absolutely not. Be Dorothy. See if life over the rainbow is what you really want. If it is, if you love it, forget the balloon and stay in Oz.

But, GO to Oz. (J, we know you're trying! Keep chasing rainbows.) Stop telling me how wonderful it is from the porch of your Kansas homestead. Stop trying to convince me. You're not going to. *I* am the one living this life.

So much for people-pleasing. How did a nice little post end up in a rant? No clue.

And I was just about to apologize for it! But, I'm restraining myself. Mostly. I didn't intend to hurt anyone's feelings in this post, and worry that I have. Please know that was not my intent. It's just me trying to figure out the shape of this little blog...and I let the mind wandering come pouring out of my fingers.

sneak peek

at our trunk-or-treat outfit.

Trunk-or-treat was last Friday, and Lexi was beyond thrilled with her costume. Here is the sneak peek from last Thursday's final preparations.

Tricking out the treat bag.

Just beyond delighted at how she matches the book. She spent all night telling me how she was going to be in a book tomorrow. ;>

Ladybug Girl!

She didn't like the scary costumes (and we had a lot of them. Halloween is an American holiday. While the other kids at our school are excited to dress up, they all think a scary costume--witch, vampire, etc.--is required. We say over and over that it's not...but they don't believe us.), it was cold (even snowed--bringing joy to this Colorado-girl's heart), and after one round of treats she decided to put on her coat and swing. All in all, an excellent introduction to Halloween.

(Frustrated with blogger's formatting gremlins, I took this post down quickly last week. Hopefully this looks better!)

bilateral agreement pending

Remember Torry Hansen--the woman who sent her son back to a Russia on a plane alone? (I wrote a post in response to that event here as part of a JCICS campaign.)

Unsurprisingly, that event had cataclysmic repercussions for Americans who were/are adopting. In many regions adoptions simply stopped. Yes, this happens often in Russian adoption. But it doesn't get any easier for waiting families.

Leaders from the US and Russia have met together four (I think) times since then to craft a bilateral agreement--an agreement that works both ways.

I'm the beneficiary of a different bilateral agreement. Remember my magic card that I show when I get stopped while driving? It says that Russia and the US have a bilateral agreement whereby diplomats will not pay fines on the spot. This works great for me--and when would a Russian diplomat be stopped and asked to pay a "fine" in the US?

But, this current adoption bilateral agreement makes me uneasy. There was talk of Russian officials being able to come into your homes to see your child at any time. (That may have been scrapped. It may have just been talk. I don't know.) There is also talk of allowing Russians to adopt American children. The part that sits most uncomfortably with me comes when you read things like this (Sarah, waiting out the delay with her husband, Chad, to bring home their son had this on her blog.):

MOSCOW. Oct 4 (Interfax) - A Russian-American child adoption agreement will be signed no later than January 2011, Russian children's rights commissioner Pavel Astakhov said.

The Russian Foreign Ministry has informed me that the talks are well under way and in their final state. The negotiations are over. I hope the agreement will be signed in December, or, at the latest, in January," Astakhov said at a news conference at the main Interfax office on Monday.

The "technical" signing procedure does not require the presence of the presidents, Astakhov said.

He also said that the bilateral agreement allows Russian citizens to adopt American children, as well."I think an American child must be adopted out of principle. A reward must be assigned by some public organizations to those who adopt an American child first," Astakhov said.

Under Secretary for Political Affairs William Burns told Interfax in mid-September that the United States and Russia are in the final stage of the talks on an agreement to regulate child adoption procedures between the two countries.

Both parties are confident that the agreement will serve the interests of the United States and Russia, most important, the interests of children, he said.

Did you catch that? Here it is again:

"I think an American child must be adopted out of principle. A reward must be assigned by some public organizations to those who adopt an American child first," Astakhov said.

Out of principle. Not in the best interests of the child. OUT OF PRINCIPLE. And there will be a reward for the first Russian family to do so.

It makes me feel a little sick. And knowing what happens to adopted children here when the incentives run out...makes me worry and pray for that unknown child. Would he get sent back to the US or end up in a Russian orphanage? Would the media attention be enough to keep him safe?

Who's got better more up-to-date information? I'd love to hear. I've been off the adoption boards and out of the loop since Lexi came home. Anyone able to read between the lines and know what's really going on here?

good reads

So glad that people are finding Arletta's blog helpful! If you want a good starting place, I'd start with the series Why Love Isn't Enough. It's an eight-part series that talks about prenatal drug/alcohol exposure, neglect, sexual abuse, physical abuse/domestic violence, the impact of trauma on the brain, abandonment/multiple moves and genetics.

And, in case you, like a fellow unnamed accidental blogger who has seen the error of her ways, have disregarded my repeated recommendations to read The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog by Bruce Perry, I'm recommending it AGAIN. This is the book I read and re-read. It's fascinating, a quick and easy read, and full of hope. To me, this book is much more helpful and hopeful than, really, anything else I've read. It's all about the impact on the brain that neglect and trauma have at different stages of development and how the brain can be re-wired. Really--it's fascinating.

stewing

Here's a bloggy stew for you--chunks of things that aren't a meal on their own but, thrown in with other chunks, might make a post.

*It's supposed to snow tonight. I guess, since we've been in long-sleeves since August, that's about right.

*It's been a long month. When people talked about "anniversary behaviours" I thought they were talking about general acting out, rage, grief...that sort of thing. Then, my friend June posted about how around their anniversary her son regresses to behaviours that he had when he came home. BINGO! We have had a month, off and on, of behaviours that are reminiscent of this time last year. We've had lots of sleeping issues (I know, I know--you keep reminding me and I not getting that post on sleep written. I will.) and lots of needing to be a baby and some general dissociation. Not fun, but June's post helped it make sense.

*Do you read Arletta's blog? If you've adopted or are adopting, you should. She's amazing. She's our virtual therapist, answering questions and discussing issues. I find her insights invaluable. All this to say, she's considering doing a post on anniversaries. I just find the fact that the brain records this fascinating! It's not like we talked about it being a year when these started surfacing. They just...did.

*I am very glad that we haven't seen other anniversaries marked. I watched carefully around holidays, the time she left her first family, the time she entered the orphanage, the time we met...and didn't see anything last year. I wonder, now that I know better what I'm watching for, if I'll see them this year.

*We went to Germany. My sw thinks I should write a book. She thinks we're the answer (or could be AN answer) to the negative press on "older child" adoption.

*School for Lexi is MUCH better this year. We have two American teachers who bring that worldview with them and are doing all they can to accommodate Lexi. And, we have a reading teacher who has not only lived in the US for a long time, but also has adopted a child from Russia. She thinks Russia should be prosecuted for crimes against humanity for what its orphanages do to children. I'm so grateful for all three of them.

*We also have the director's wife advocating for us. Hooray! She's gotten us in with the OT who will visit the Moscow school. And, today I found out our principal is arranging for testing with the school psychologist in Moscow. This will be a nice supplement to our testing this summer.

*School for me is a little unsettled this year. There's a new wind blowing...and I can't tell from whence it cometh. Or what it's bringing. Or leaving in it's wake. (Can the wind have a wake or are wakes solely water-related? Not bothered enough to go check. THAT says a LOT.)

*I've been a-little-bit-sick for months. Bleh.

*I have to decide, quickly, what I'm doing next year. I will have to resign (I meant that as "sign again" but, actually, the homograph works both ways.)--or not--my contract next year. I have an idea about what we'll do...and am feeling nudged...but it's going to be another leap of faith for us to take.

*We have trunk-or-treat next week. (Cars on the school playground.) Lexi will be Ladybug Girl. It's perfect. I just have to make the red tutu. And find her a red shirt. And the antennae.

And that, for now, is all.

do you blog?

Really, I used to post.

The posts were often well-written. Go troll through the archives and have a look. There's good stuff in there!

Recently, we had a visit from my Russian sw. She says that Lexi and I now look alike. Actually, we hear that often from Russian friends. They seem very relieved.

Tomorrow we head to Frankfurt to see our American sw. Fortunately, she has scheduled our visit at a series of swimming pools/water slides/saunas. Fun! We'll either take in the zoo or do some shopping Friday and then come back.

I'll see what I can manage to post that is mildly entertaining or informative but not too revealing. That's a tough line to walk!

(For the car fans out there: I have invested an absurd amount of money in a parking space nearby. So far, so good.)

Thanks for sticking around!

Happy Family Day!

ONE YEAR
as a happy family

Then:

(Looking at the gate, trying to understand everything and then...oh, that picture in the car of my brave, BRAVE little girl just breaks my heart. Can you imagine leaving everything you know to set out with a stranger--even if it seems like a kind one--yet again? The last one is the glimpse we got of Lexi--before all the overstimulation caught up with her. I love that one. And then her patience as we waited and waited amazed me.)

height and weight were both at 10%

That night she chose to eat watermelon and cheese.

and now:

Yes, the weather is worse, but just look at how much happier and more comfortable she is! (This is the only photo where the photographer didn't move.)

height 118.5 cm
weight 45.5 lbs.
(both just over the 25%)

Tonight she chose chicken pie (okay, she might have wanted fish...but I wanted us to eat the same thing, so chicken it was) and bulochka (little poppy seed sweetrolls--these were chocolate-covered) and some of her favorite chocolate bar.

I am so grateful for the gift of this amazing child. More photos this weekend!

5 w's

who: my car (not strictly a who, but the subject nonetheless. think personification.)
what: towed
when: saturday afternoon, apparently
where: (this is new) to a police impound lot that costs 600r/day
why: just to provide me with blog fodder, i guess

we have to find the lot, go and get my papers out of the car and get a paper from the lot-keeper, go to the central police station, find the person who signed off on the tow of my car (stop laughing), calculate the fine--and pay it, i think, go back to the lot and get my car.

in the rain.

with a rotten cold.

and a tired seven-year-old.

and the invaluable and always cheerful help of my dear friend, marina.

seriously--without her and my red plates, i don't think i'd drive here.

this time last year

A year ago today this post graced the www:

This is Kate's friend Kat. Kate does not have a phone or laptop in Moscow however she wants everyone to know that court was a HUGE SUCCESS!!!

She is the proud mother of Alexandra Eleanor.

LEXI is coming home soon!!!!!

I enjoyed my time in court. The full court story didn't get published until two days later when I was back home with internet and phone access. I don't count this as our family day, as the decision wasn't final yet, but it is an important, special day.

i'll try

Your comments and e-mails were so kind and encouraging. Some of the most powerful ones come from the people who e-mail telling us that we've made a difference to them--people who have adopted, who are adopting, who are thinking about adopting an older child...

I'll work on it.

And, there are always car stories, right?

We haven't had our car since we got back. Its registration expired. My kartooshka expired. When they went to renew my kartooshka, which had to be done before they renewed my registration, they discovered that when they last renewed my visa (only until 1 April--but we don't know why. I suspect it was a handwriting problem and was supposed to be 1 August. ) they didn't register me. So I had to be registered, my kartooshka had to be renewed and my car needed to be re-registered. And the battery died while this was happening, stranding it at the consulate. Add in the fact that the ever-helpful consulate motor pool staff is now not supposed to provide support for foreign-hires at the school (I don't know why), and it has been a long process.

Big surprise.

Today was our school's welcome picnic. We were eating scrambled egg sandwiches (yum) under the awning as it insistently drizzled when Lexi said, "Mama, there's our car." Without looking up I said, "It probably looks like our..." and looked at it.

Of course, I still don't know our new license number, since we've barely had the car since it got re-plated, so that didn't help. And it was cleaner than our car usually is...but we washed ours on one of our last days here..

"It IS our car! Good eye, Lex!"

Yes, we have a car again. Lexi scrambled into her carseat and sighed, "Oh, it's so nice to have our car again." And it started. And we drove it home.

Lexi is sitting in the window right now telling me, almost incredulously, "Mama, that's our car parked right outside!"

Simple joys.

I plan to have it vacuumed tomorrow on the way to pre-church shopping and to find out how to disconnect the battery (it's hidden). I'll just do that every time we park it.

undecided

i'm not sure what will happen with this blog.

if it's about life in russia, i'm failing. i don't see much of russia these days. and, really, who wants to hear more about the car sagas and paperwork sagas and dealing with the consulate? it's all old news.

will we be in russia next year? it's possible. will be be overseas? it's probable.

i don't really think i'm mommy-blogger material. a friend said about f@cebook, "what ever happened to privacy?" it made me think about this whole blogging thing. because, it's not just my story anymore. it's hers. and i don't know what parts of it she wants shared.

i do treasure the blogger-friends i've made, though. many of them are now irl friends who just started in bloggerdom.

and, actually, i get quite nice e-mails from people that touch my heart and make me want to keep being an encouragement.

so...we'll see. right now we're recovering from the start of school. i'll be back--either blogging myself or just commenting away. (that sort of feels like cheating, though. and, goodness knows my comments are often as long as your posts as it is! without a blog i might be one of THOSE commenters--not a fate i relish.

in brief

Monday: Went to Pavlosk. Had a lovely day. "I am just so happy to be feeding ducks." Did take photos...will post. (I know I posted photos of the last time I went..but can't find that post.)

Today: Went to amusement park. Decided rides in the park are only amusing if you have physiological "fear" reaction while knowing you are really safe. When you think you might not be safe, it's not amusing.

Tomorrow: School for me.

for Christmas...

We're going to Lapland!







We'll fly in and spend the first day playing in the snow and/or shopping. That evening there is a snowmobile trip to see the Northern Lights and have a campfire.










The next day we will go for a dogsled ride.







The following day we will go to a reindeer farm, drive across the Arctic Circle in a reindeer-drawn sleigh and visit Santa Claus in his village.

We leave the day after and come home for Christmas eve and day.

I am so excited! I think this is the perfect time to do this--we're geographically close and she's still full of wonder and belief. I've never taken a package holiday, but this seemed perfect for us.

Colorado pix

June, I have to start this with sad news for you. My camera battery died right before the singing cowboys came on stage. I do have pix of the fun beforehand, but until friends e-mail me their pix, there are no singing cowboys to be found here.

Now.

Here is my favorite cowgirl ready to leave Chattanooga and fly to Denver (via Dallas).

outside Casa Bonita in Denver--a gloriously cheesy Mexican restaurant
You don't go for the food.
But the cliff divers, pinatas, puppet shows and general atmosphere are priceless.

at Cheyenne Mountain Zoo
(Nif, Amy, let me know if you want this picture removed.)

This is America the Beautiful park. See why?
(That circle is a fountain.)

eating a just-picked apricot

The night of the singing cowboys!
Waiting for everyone to arrive at Flying W Ranch. I couldn't pick just one.

getting her face painted

watching a horse get shod

dancing with Sunshine Sweetwater

ready for the chuckwagon dinner and show

She loved the cowboys! She had been planning for weeks,as she told me often, that she would be on stage with them and sing a song--just one. I told her I wasn't sure that would happen. They did announce that she was visiting from Russia, so I popped her on top of the picnic table and everyone applauded. That was a happy moment. She ate some, made her usual multiple trips to the bathroom, danced a lot, and then fell asleep. All in all, an excellent night.

Ah, my glasses. Well, the eye doctor told her this time that she needed to wear her glasses all the time. So, I abandoned my contacts and got glasses, too. I know she's not wearing them here. But, she usually does. And I've decided bold frames like these replace make-up for me.

we didn't

* learn to swim
* learn to ride a bike
* get professional pictures taken
* get any pictures of the two of us, really
* buy a temporal thermometer

get to finish this post! Maybe later...for them all.

we brought back...

Everyone seems interested in what came back to Russia with us. Well, in addition to the clothes we brought over (also pictured) we brought supplies for a year:

All of that fit into this:


and cost $400 to bring with us. Most of that was because we flew on a domestic flight before we flew international. We had two 50 lb. bags and two 70 lb. bags.

What is all that? Well...
-clothes for Lexi for this winter and next spring, underwear to outerwear
-three pairs of shoes for Lexi in two sizes
-some clothes for me (but not nearly as much!)
-Christmas presents
-candy canes
-one of my dolls that L adores
-vitamins for us both
-cold meds for L (we're pretty stocked for me and on pain reliever for her)
-Advil
-tampons
-shampoo, but only a couple of bottles
-lotion for sensitive, exzema-prone skin
-deodorant
-warm vanilla sugar hand sanitizer
-ziploc bags
-chocolate chips (in the carry-on because they're HEAVY)
-syrup
-vanilla
-cupcake liners
-brown sugar
-books
-dvd's
-fabric for halloween costume, cotton jammies and a corduroy jumper
-notions
-gifts from friends
-velcro hanging strips and hooks
-notecards with envelopes
-wall stickers (and an extra set of the same so wherever her next room is will feel familiar)
-dress-up clothes. and tap shoes. in two sizes.
-alphabet stamps and non-toxic ink pads
-beads
-pencils with erasers, erasers for pencils
-a new backpack
-American flags we were given on the 4th
-a travel pillow and blanket that she didn't really have any interest in
(I think that's it.)

Some of these things they have here (medicine, tampons, shampoo) but I just prefer having medicine I know, tampons with applicators, and shampoo that I like when it's really dry in mid-winter. Most of the things we brought are either unavailable or ridiculously priced. Clothing here is poorly, cheaply made and costs an exorbitant amount.

I told my friend who shopped with me not to feel compelled to keep up--we're done shopping for the next year! She'll be back at T@rget as soon as the baby's born. ;>

It's a breeze

Ah, bliss.

My windows are thrown open wide and the fans are gently wafting cool, fresh (well, as fresh as it gets here) air back and forth from corner to corner. Things are cooler. Rain clouds are gathering and spitting. I slept last night.

Huh. I guess my excuses for non-productivity have evaporated. Best get busy!