13 October 2007

for the adoption junkies...

Couldn't leave you hanging indefinitely without some sort of update...

I decided that I'd prefer my SW2 (J) to do my homevisit. Some of this was just an unsettled feeling about SW2.5 (N) and some was because I was wary of having three social workers on my very fat, very atypical homestudy. I sent this e-mail to both of them last Tuesday:

Dear N and J,

First, let me apologize. I am sorry that I did not think through things faster. This is very unlike me. However, I'm sure you can appreciate the attrition that occurs in Russian adoption. You've done more Russian adoptions than I have! So, when the opportunity to have a month shaved
off my time in-process, I leapt.

Perhaps N's delay was really a good thing. It caused me to consider the impact of having three social workers involved in my homestudies. I trust you both when you say that CIS wouldn't take issue. And, it's likely that Russia wouldn't either. But, there is the possibility that they would.I am my agency's first ex-pat adoption. And, as far as we've been able to gather, I'm the first ex-pat adoption by a resident of St. Petersburg from St. Petersburg. This has made my agency very cautious. They've had me appear before the committee of the ministry of education twice
already--and my papers, as you know, are still not filed. This has given me both the advantage and the disadvantage of being known by the committee. As I'm sure you'll appreciate, being atypical in Russia is not usually a good thing. And, my case is far from "normal" in the eyes of the committee.

All this to say, I think it would be best to wait for J to do my homevisit. I've spoken with my
agency and they concur. I am sorry for any inconvenience this has caused. I appreciate the time and energy N contributed. J, after you've recovered from your holiday, I look forward to seeing you as soon as your schedule permits.

Many thanks to you both,

K


I thought this was a kind, respectful e-mail. I've not had a reply. I also e-mailed SW2 (J) about getting her visa--I'm thinking a year visa may be better since we'll hopefully have some ppr's to do in the next year as well as this homevisit. She is still on holiday. N says that they talk on the phone, so I'd think that this change in plans has been discussed between them. I've also gathered that they're very close friends. I am hoping that this doesn't impact my homestudy. J seems too sensible to let that happen, but...

I'm hoping to hear something when she returns from holiday at the end of the month. I've decided not to e-mail either of them again until then. (Unless they e-mail me, nach. I just won't instigate further contact.)

Comments? BTDT? Do you think I'm handling this correctly or should I send an e-mail to make sure they received that one? (Yahoo says it's been sent...) Was the letter too harsh? Really, I still think N is disappointed to be losing a paid trip to St. P and a paying gig. I just don't want that disappointment to come back and bite me...anywhere.


14 comments:

Rachael said...

It's a perfectly reasonable, polite letter. I hope you get the "right" response. Fingers crossed again, I guess.

Esther said...

It's perfectly acceptable, and preferable in my opinion, to do what you want in this process. There are so many facets that we have no choice or control over. With where we can choose, choose what you want.

Jim said...

Perfectly polite and acceptable letter. You're the one paying for the services. While you ARE setting up a relationship with the social worker(s) for the next few years, you also shouldn't feel guilty about asserting your concerns and driving the process. I'm glad you wrote the letter.

Sorry your Internet access is down again. Yet another Russian mystery?

Tami said...

Sounds like a well-written, well-thought-out, respectful, reasonable letter to me as well. You're doing what is best for your adoption process, and if they think about it, they'll realize it too.
Sorry about the internet access...hopefully you'll get the mystery solved soon. ;)

Lisa said...

Seems perfectly reasonable to me! Hopefully you will hear back from them soon.

ferenge mama said...

I think that was a great letter. You did them the courtesy of explaining your decision, and acknowledged the hassle factor it might cause.

Don't forget that you are a paying customer! They are providing a service to, and you get to call the shots.

Althought I know it often feels like we are just at their mercy...

votemom said...

great letter.

you are loved.

Anonymous said...

Excellent letter. I am keeping you in my prayers!!!!!

Don't forget you are paying the SW's for you - so don't let them make you feel bad...you have to do what's best for you...besides you are adopting a CHILD - that's a little more important than SW 2.5 sightseeing!

Lea said...

I think it was a very appropriate, professional response. I would be a bit frustrated from not receiving any sort of response, although they most likely received it. I would probably wait until SW2 is back from vacation and, if you don't hear from her then, contact her.

Heidi said...

A fine letter! Don't even think about them, think about YOU! It sounds as if you're doing the right thing by you and there ya go, good job!
I'll be in Russia next week...
Heidi
purplefolderadventure.wordpress.com

Anonymous said...

It's all about YOU and YOUR needs for this adoption. Your beautifully written letter should get the point across!

Miss you!!!

votemom said...

ok i am REALLY missing you having daily access to your computer.

i feel like i am going thru withdrawl.

you've been on my mind a LOT the past few days.... praying.

votemom said...

still thinking of you a LOT. may you acutely sense HIM today.

Anonymous said...

I'm with votemom!!!! going through withdrawal and wondering how you are doing!!! Hope you are keeping busy and doing something fun in the meantime. and of course keeping you in my prayers!