20 April 2007

a call (not THE call)

I'm sitting here waiting for Agency #3 (not my third agency, the third option of the three I've been mentioning) to call.

I've got a cuppa made in my favourite cup sitting on my desk. I also have water, a notebook and various writing utensils. The phone is here charged and to hand.

I've opened an old e-mail with fee information, a copy of their webpage, a list of agency questions I tweaked from the LAST agency quest and the document they e-mailed about their various regions on the mac.

I've rubbed massage cream into my tense shoulders, run the dishwasher (I like the sound of appliances working), and have been taking long slow breaths.

Soo...now we just wait for the call. It's already 8:40 p.m. here. If she doesn't call by 9:00 p.m. I'll e-mail or call there. I also won't be best pleased.

[I know my friend Lara (no, she still hasn't e-mailed) is shouting Meyers-Briggs letters at her computer screen as she reads this...]

I'll update!

I had an e-mail saying that the St. P phones were up to their usual tricks. So, I called her. The head of the Russia program with #3 was helpful...sort of. She didn't really have good news to share. She is going to ask some more questions of her Moscow team to see if they could work with me, but didn't sound terribly hopeful. She thinks (as did I at the beginning of this process) that an adoption from St. P would be in the best interests of d2b--allowing many visits b/t "trips".

She also said that if I wanted to take advantage of their waiting child program, it would be wise to extend my age range to 9. Nine sounds much older than seven... We talked a little bit about the issues a nine-year-old would have as opposed to the children in my current range. A nine-year-old is much more likely to be available for adoption b/c parental rights have been terminated. This could mean a history of severe neglect or abuse. She has seen very easy, successful adoptions in this age range and some that really had to struggle.

She also thinks the whole situation with my current agency and their sub-contracted US facilitators is nuts. AND she said there was no way I could've known beforehand what they were really like.

She gave me a list of agencies that work in St. P. Many of them I talked to in round one of the agency quest. More than a few have a reputation in the adoption world for being either crooked or just plain bad.

This isn't quite the update I hoped I'd post. Let's face it--it's not even close. But, I did appreciate her honesty and her knowledge--and her willingness to investigate something for me. She's really just trying to help! That's amazing to me at this point in my journey. An agency rep who HELPS--just helps without any personal gain. Wow. Impressive.

Edited again to answer some comments:

I was VERY happy to have someone give me the straight scoop. Believe me--I'd rather hear the truth than a pretty lie. I thought I'd made that clear in my post, but guess I didn't. While I was disappointed that this agency didn't seem to be the answer I thought it would, I was very thankful for their honest, up-front approach.

I am willing to adopt from ANY region. I originally thought St. P would be easier, but that's been proven wrong. In my opinion, the travel benefits are outweighed by the added bureaucracy that seems to characterize adoptions here. I am very ready to travel wherever I need to (and actually thought this agency would send me to Vladivostok). It was the agency rep who suggested I stay in St. P. I'm exploring every option--in every region--I can.


Holly said...

Hope you hear from them soon!

Rachael said...

Well, at least you got to talk to her. Hopefully, you will have some clarity soon and I hope everything works out. Your d2b or ds2b (plural :)) are out there somewhere!

Anonymous said...

Well at least you have someone else to give you some perspective. And she is right you couldn't have known how the facilitators were beforehand - because they didn't used to be like that or I never would have recommended them to you! It still blows my mind...

are you in touch with any other waiting parents with the same agency? maybe you could share info with each other and that might help the wait a little.
I wish there was an easy answer for you!

6blessings said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Maggie said...

Whether it's what I want to hear or not, I'd always rather have an honest, balanced statement than sunshine and roses or flat-out lies like my first agency told. I hope your agency research leads you to a new "open window." (That takes one heck of a lot less time to get through than my open window did!)

Jenni said...

I agree with Maggie - even though you may not get the news you want to hear, honesty is always best. I really hope you can find an agency with a good reputation, who can help you find D2B.

Have you tried looking in other regions in Western Russia? Murmansk (where we adopted from) is not too far north from St. P, and they were an excellent region to adopt from. There may be other regions with some good agencies working out of them to help you find your daughter too. Of course, it wouldn't be as convenient as St. P, but it may be worth it in the end. Just an idea...

U.N. Mama said...

Adopting in St. Pete would have its advantages as we were able to visit with our daughter when we lived there. That part is definitely nice, although emotionally, it can be draining on a whole other level!!!! Praying for you as you make some decisions!

Unknown said...

Some things you said make me think you may have spoken to my agency. Was it Jamie that you spoke to? Just curious. If it turns out to be the same I will be glad to e-mail you about our agency experience - which has been really good by the way. - despite the horrible situation we have had to deal with, the agency itself has been great.

Anonymous said...

I was actually shouting "K-A-T-E" since you defy description, dear one.