02 January 2007


Usually I love my computer. I can spend hours wandering around cyberspace, looking things up, e-mailing, visiting blogs and adoption forums, browsing through virtual shops and generally wasting time. Living overseas is SO much easier with internet access. I can keep up with friends and family, order things from Amazon, eBay or Target.com... It's a good thing. I think I'd feel very isolated without it.

But, sometimes I approach my computer with dread. I avoid opening my e-mail. My stomach sinks and I just want to shut down. I'm so tired of receiving bad news in an accusatory manner.

Usually it's not as bad as I anticipate. And, I've learned the key is to wait before replying to an e-mail that upsets me. You know the HALT rule: Don't make important decisions when you're hungry, angry, lonely or tired. (I think I first heard that about going shopping...but it's applicable to a lot.) I've added an Olde English spelling to the acronym so that it's HALTE--hungry, angry, lonely, tired or when you've received a disappointing e-mail.

I think once my paperwork is filed, my aversion will disappear. I think I'll look forward to opening e-mails that have the address that causes me to tense up right now. Someone tell me I'm right...

Just wondering if anyone else has this aversion to their computer. Anyone else having a love-hate relationship with technology these days?


Maggie said...

Your paperwork process is certainly more difficult than mine was. I never had that dread. But I do remember hoping, hoping, hoping, for something from my agency. An email from Irina was always exciting because at least it was news.

Elle said...

After March 13, 2006 I began dreading my email, but obsessively checked it every day. We've been home with the boy 3 1/2 months and I still jump every time I see an email from our adoption coordinator. She tells me not to and that she is less dangerous now.

Calico Sky said...

Oh Kate, I'm sorry for your dread, it must be so very very hard. I am not yet at the point where I dread adoption emails, but I do get the love hate with technology. I wish I had read your post before I checked my email, as I sent an email in haste and did it all wrong (for my new employer!) sigh!
I wish you were here, so you wouldn't be alone, heck I wish you were here so I wouldn't be so alone. Just know that so many people are thinking about you and wondering how you are, and hoping and praying this year is the year for you and your future daughter to be!!!!
p.s. how do you order from target.com, I try and they always tell me they dont deliver internationally!!!

mommyto5 said...

Oh yes Kate, I felt the same way, one day told my agency "the next email I want to see in the subject COURT DATE"! It did eventually happen and now we have been home almost a month I can't believe it. Keep the faith and what you are feeling is completely normal, you are in my prayers that this New Year unites you with your forever daughter.