placating the paper beast

We have everything. Everything! Everything the judge asked for is ready.

Just to remind you that crazy bureaucracy is not limited to Russia:

The judge asked for a local criminal clearance. S/he said that if I had diplomatic immunity (I don't think I do--no diplomatic passport but some dip privileges) I could get a letter from the consulate instead.

Since I've inquired previously about getting a local police clearance and gotten the run around (I am not registered at an address like all Russian residents and most visitors. I am simply registered with the consulate. So, because I don't have a registered address, I don't have an official police station.) I decided to bypass that and just get the letter from the consulate. I mean, that should be easy.

At a reception with the consul general, my principal asked her about it. Instead of the expected instant affirmative, she told us whom to contact. Contacted that person who told me to get an FBI check. Told her I had that and needed this. She replied with a downwardly-inflected, "We've never done that before." That is very different from an upwardly-inflected, "We've never done that before..." which implies "..but we should be able to. No problem. It'll be fun!" Downward inflection implies skepticism and doom.

Fortunately, it got handed over to (handed off? forced upon as a penance?) to the only non-crazy Ira I know in all of Russia. She's great! She co-ordinates all my travel permissions and takes care of the ex-pats at school. (She just finished renewing my kartooshka or dip card as my "travelling spouse" friend says. She probably knows.) She asked me for some specifics about to whom it was to be addressed. I asked the agency (got one answer) and, on a bcc, my translator (got another). I sent Ira the answer with an example "Kate has been an employee of the US Consulate in St. Petersburg since August 2005. She has no criminal history while living here." that was approved by agency and translator.

Easy, right? Surely you know better by now.

I was hired to teach in Moscow and then was moved to the St. P school. SO, when I arrived, I flew into Moscow. They took my passport to register me. I took the train to St. P. Then it took a month for them to de-register me in Moscow and re-register me in St. P. That means, the consulate only has me living here since September 2005--which won't match my homestudy.

We spent days offering solutions, possible re-wordings, etc. They called the embassy to find out if they had the letter I carried around for weeks while they change my registration. The embassy said just shredded all their old letters this summer.

Finally, this afternoon, I got the news that my letter and my new kartooshka are ready! (Now that the kartooshka is ready, my car can get re-registered and insured and I'll be able to drive again. Yea!)

A week from today I'll be arriving in region for court!

August 27

Do you know what date I wrote on the board for my (very lovely) second graders yesterday?

August 19, 2009

The day before I wrote August 18. I put our "first day of school" calendar marker on August 17. I put "Homework for the week of 18-21 August" on the homework sheet and sent it home to parents on Tuesday.

Last night I realized--I'd lost a week. I thought I had an extra week before court; an extra week to get my new class feeling confident and running smoothly. I thought I had an extra week to convince the consulate to write the letter of criminal clearance that the judge is requiring for me.

But I don't. Two weeks until court!

(And, yes--the second graders got an apology and an opportunity to learn very early in the year that sometimes even teachers make mistakes.)

moika flat

As promised long ago...

Here's my new flat! I love it. Two blog readers have actually lived in this flat, which add to the hominess.

You walk in, and the room immediately to the right is a large living room that also has a dining table. Yes, you walk in and see the back of the couch. Yes, it's a huge, teal, ugly couch. But, it's also THE most comfortable couch on which you've ever sat. Really--it's a struggle to stay awake when you sit on this. And my feet don't reach the floor when I'm sitting here.

This is the kitchen. There is a large, open tiled space, sort of a central hub, off of which the bedrooms, bath and kitchen come. The door to (previously pictured) d2b's room is just to the right of the little table. Next to that is a little closet--housing my stacked US washer/dryer, then the bathroom, then another storage closet, and then my room.

And, here's my bedroom--with a little sitting area around a traditional (non-working) traditional fireplace. It's a cat magnet. Next to this room is the living room.

a rose by any other name

I don't think d2b is going to be called Sasha. Maybe. But I'm leaning towards no.

Yes, she's still Alexandra.

When I was visiting her in July, I heard the director refer to her not as Sasha but as Shura (that's the closest I can get in English...it doesn't really transliterate well). Shura is another nickname for Alexandra-- with more "old-fashioned" and "sweeter" connotations according to different friends.

I like it, but it won't work in an English-speaking world. It just can't be properly pronounced.

I asked if she was called Shura or Sasha, and they shrugged and replied, "As you like." When I pressed, they said they called her both.

So, keeping Sasha as her name isn't really keeping her name. She sort of doesn't have a sweet name; which is incredibly sad to me. Names are important! Poor little bunny.

At school, all the Sashas are boys. We've got four of them in our tiny elementary school alone. It's very much like Alex--fine for either sex but certainly more masculine. There is a little boy named Sasha who will be in her class.

So I'm reserving final "calling" name until she's home. I have a pretty good idea what I'll call her, but I'll save posting it until I'm sure!

Just wanted to give you some time to wrap your heads around this. At home I'll continue to call her by the diminutives of both Sasha and Shura for a while. But, I've got another sweet name for Alexandra in mind for what she'll be officially called by the rest of the world.

Until, that is, she's a middle schooler and decides she wants to be called Xan. ;>

smiling

You are all more than kind to wish that Sasha and I fly into an airport near you. But, we're going to keep our trip to the US brief and functional. I'm looking for a short flight, an expedited passport for Sasha, and a quick return.

And, all you adoption junkies know that while *I* might love to see all my friends and indulge in shopping and eating out, that's not what Sasha will need. We'll still be such a new family. And, she'll still be so easily overwhelmed and overstimulated. So, that's off the cards for this trip.

Next summer, though, we might be up for a cross-country tour.

I've booked my tickets to and from and to Moscow...

i heart jane

I am so tired of negotiating my way through the paperwork jungle. And, this current jungle is made of paper from my beloved country, the good ol' US of A.

E-mailed the embassy and got no helpful advice. I think government employees take a perverse pleasure in being inscrutable to the general public. I called USCIS and got an endlessly looping recorded message.

So, I called my social worker. I love my social worker. Love. her.

She said all of this is not a big deal. She said to fly and and get Sasha's expedited passport and come back to Russia. She told me to apply for the CoC with my Embassy address and everything should be fine. AND, she said the CoC wasn't really that important and could be applied for later if there's a problem. (I wonder if I could wait to apply for it until we have a new president in office to sign it. Hmmm....)

So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to fly to the US (not sure where--but not Hawaii)

(Digresssion: When I was in Finland I bought Sasha a swimsuit, thinking if I was prepared for Hawaii I wouldn't have to go. Genius! And the suit was under 5 euro. Thus the bikini rule: If you're contemplating a purchase of a possibly-needed item and it costs less than 5 euro, buy it. Barb and I invoked this rule often during the trip.)

and sort things out in as few days as possible. And then I'm flying back. And, on the way, I'm stopping in Frankfurt. To see my social worker.

quickie

School starts tomorrow! I'll be glad to go back. I really do like my school. They are very, very good to me.

I have a sub all lined up, too. I'm excited to talk to her and get our year planned.

I'll assign you blog readers some homework to help me get back in the swing of things:

• Please leave your favorite go-to recipe in the comments-- the one that you're known for, that sums you up, that you make when you can't think of what to make.

Looking for bonus points? Keep these in mind:

• I don't have a crock pot, and have not found one in Russia in four years. (US ones won't work here, either.)
• Recipes need to be from scratch--no Campbell's soup, mixes, etc. found here (drat!).
  
• I need recipes that include red meat! I don't eat it, but think Sasha needs it. Anything that includes beef or pork would be great. I don't think I can bear to cook lamb, even if I'm not eating it, so you can skip those.

court date!

September 10!

Finland, ho!

I'm headed to Finland for my last solo trip. From here on out, for a long time, I'll have a little sidekick. ;> Okay...my court trip will be solo, but that's not really a TRIP. That's a glorified errand.

I'll be meeting friend and enjoying some "Western" time, some great grilled fish (I hope), and an afternoon at a spa--I've got a massage and my first-ever facial scheduled. I also need to buy some make-up as I cannot find any shades light enough in Russia.

Be back Friday! (Attack cats and concierge are in place to protect the flat while I'm away.)

dress

Rachael asked...


It's pleated...

My first attempt at machine pleating went well. It's actually really easy.










...smocked...

There is something so gentle, so romantic about traveling in my favorite train seat (facing backwards by the window) and smocking as Russia flies past the window, bathed in twilight.








...and constructed!

Mostly. It still needs two buttons and a hem.

And then I need to make her doll a matching one. I think it will have the same pink ribbon but no smocking.

The dress is actually darker, a more saturated colour, than it appears in these photos.

hope for the others

There was a little boy from Sasha's group who came up to us while we waited for another groupmate to collect her (Your mama's here!). Like all the children, he was only wearing shorts on that hot day. He had dark blonde hair, freckles and crinkled up eyes. He turned his face up to us and asked, "Why does no one come to play with me?"

Olga, that warm, wonderful woman, replied, "Maybe someone will!" With a hopeful, surprised intake of breath (I hadn't thought of that! Maybe someone will!) he went off to play. And Olga and I were left standing with bruised hearts. We led Sasha away hoping that she hadn't offered false hopes.

Olga's already planning on me coming back to adopt a brother for Sasha.

I don't know if I have another adoption in me. If I do, it's far in the future.

So what can I do?

There's a saying that adopting a child doesn't change the world. But it does change the world for that child.

Somehow, that doesn't feel like enough.

So, what am I doing now?

I'm making inquiries on behalf of a friend about one of my "littles" that I visit. To think that this little one whom I've visited could be finding a family...that's amazing.

I'm making inquiries to see how I can get two of my sisters from 3.10 involved in a hosting program next summer. To not be able to see them because they were in a family that isn't mine would break my heart and fill me with joy.

I know I can't do these things. I am no match for the bureaucracy that surrounds these children, for all that binds them.

So I ask for your prayers on their behalf.

Maybe, just maybe... Maybe the mountains will move.

And, please. I'm not a "good person". I am just a person who has been put in a unique position and is willing and eager to use that and to be used.

Hoping hurts my heart. But hopelessness has to be worse. So let's hope!

one step back...

... and two steps forward.

That's good progress in this dance of attachment, if you ask me. I know attachment takes oodles of time. But I think this visit will make things that much easier when we finally come home. I said I would come back, and I did. That gives me some credibility.

I spent a lot of time this trip trying to help Sasha feel empowered, letting her lead our play. And, by the last visit she was certainly feeling in control. ;> Nary a tear was shed on this trip. And, we heard, "I don't want to." More steps forward.

Got four and a half minutes? Tissues not required.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

I know there were a million bubble pictures. But, it was hard to choose! And, it made the music fit better.

Paperwork is scheduled to be presented to the judge this week. Court before my birthday seems very likely...

show me yours

...and I'll show you mine.

I'll bring a picture with me to the shower.

It's a really good picture. Full of joy.

YOU need to post a picture of you and whomever wants to join you eating cake for the shower. Brownies count. Cake must be eaten with joy and zeal. Said joy and zeal should be evident in the photos. Party hats, blowers and fun attire are encouraged but optional.

I want to see you all EATING CAKE.

And I may not post that great picture until you post yours.

The best part about visiting Sasha is that I don't have to do anything other than that--visit Sasha. I don't have to think about anything, track down anything, stamp anything.

Today I finished every pre-trip thing that needed doing outside of the house. I started off at the post office. Two days ago I'd gone to my local post office and asked if I had any packages, if they had any "chits" for me. (We used that word in Tennessee to mean the same thing it does here--a little piece of paper.) It's a little like being in college. You hear from the mailroom that you have a package and then you have to collect your package. Same thing here. You get a stamped chit to take with you to claim your package--after you fill in details on the back. The Russian post used to deliver the chits to your address but now, I'm told (and I partly believe--but it's coming from the same people who told me the post office was open unpredictable hours. Well, they are open different hours on different days. But the schedule is posted on the door! And, from what I've seen, it's accurate.) you have to go and ask for them in person.

They gave me four chits. I got all excited because I had four packages. Four! I knew one was full of...foundation garments that Ann Marie had forwarded to me. But I had no idea what the other three could be.

Today I drove to the package post office (the same thing was true when I lived in the UK) and presented my chits. Fortunately for me, the person in line in front of me was very nice and helped me fill them out. It turned out they were four reminders to pick up one package. Ah, well. This was shipped on 30 May and I finally have it! Believe me when I say I needed this package. That's a great start to errands.

I tried to buy printer ink and a video camera at a local store, but they had neither.

I picked up my travel permission from the consulate and my medical reports from the clinic.

I braved a trip to Mega, stopping on the way to purchase a glider (assembled--and the boys loaded it into my car for me). At Mega I got a video camera that is promised to be Mac compatible, dollars and rubles for my trip, cat food and litter, and some bits and bobs that were needed in varying degrees. I even picked up two roasted chicken breasts and a sort of scalloped potatoes for meals over the weekend.

The best part of this is that tomorrow I don't have to go anywhere! I'm going to pleat a jumper to smock on the journey (my first machine pleating--my the force be with me) because last time my mind wouldn't settle enough to read. I might also get a slipcover sewn. And I'll get things tidied up and ready to go. All of which can be done in pajamas. That in itself is the making of a very good day!

Hope your weekend starts as fortuitously! I'll "see" you all at my shower if not before.

for the beach bums

And there are many of you reading! ;>

I think there may have been a misunderstanding two posts back in a parenthetical statement. Please read what I actually wrote before you start waxing lyrical about the charms of the beach that I'll be "denying" my daughter.

I never said I wouldn't take Sasha to the beach.


I said that *I* have never had any desire to go to Hawaii.

And I still don't. It holds no charms for me--which is why I find it ironic that I, of all people, may be headed there. Me--not the person who has yearned for luaus and leis and an island paradise and now finally has the perfect justification for spending the money to make that trip.

That's why I even mentioned it. Irony.

So, please note: Just because I don't like something doesn't mean that I won't experience it with Sasha. She might love it! That goes for foods, places, music... I would never presume to limit her world based on my own likes and dislikes, which are fairly decided. We are different people. I don't think a child should be a clone. Letting her discover who she is and what she likes is one of the things I am most looking forward to in the upcoming years.

Thanks. Hope you have lovely days full of hot, sandy fun and that no things touch you while you're swimming.

Let's see...

I loaded orphanage donations from home and school, drove them to V, and unloaded them there. She looked at a picture of Sasha and cooed, "She looks just like you!"
"Nooo," I told her, laughing. "Do you really think so?"
"No," she sighed. "Dark. Dark eyes, dark hair."
"So not like me. But beautiful!"
"Yes. Beautiful."

A little revealing, no?

Then I had both my eight-doctor and regional medicals done. They can be picked up tomorrow. Piece. of. cake.

I let the clinic know that I was not best pleased over their financial practices (they charged my debit card over $1000 without telling me last May, saying my insurance isn't paying...and then took forever--well, until today--to get me a receipt so that I can file that claim. And, they misquoted my price today. It was only 500r different, but after that last encounter I wasn't happy. AND they asked me to prove what time I called so they could listen to the recording.) and then went to pick up my notarized translation. I went back to school and scanned it to my sw and then went home.

While the clinic was at fault, I could tell that some food (hadn't eaten yet and it was 1.30), sleep and maybe some St. John's Wort were needed.

I ate some tuna/peas/egg/pasta salad and then crashed--one of those dead sleeps where you just.don't.move for hours. Three, this time, before I dragged myself into consciousness. I have sort of a sleep hangover now.

So...productive. Everything that must be done before Sunday has been done. The rest are just non-essential errands.

home stretch?

I didn't want to interrupt the happy and amazing with the daily grind...so I've saved it until now. You'll remember that Thursday I was basking in the happy of real. On Friday the weather was perfect for a lazy morning. So, I didn't go grocery shopping (the drive is best made before 8:30 a.m.) much like I didn't the day before, when it was also lazy-morning weather.

I hung out in my pajamas and went in to school around 11 (I did get dressed for that), chatted quite a bit with my principal, and typed a letter. It was a letter I copied and edited in Russian explaining that the school provides housing for me and that my housing is now where it is. Oi. This took forever. I had to check every single letter. Principal signed and stamped it. Official!

Then I went to the consulate intending to get fingerprinted [Because when the embassy sent in my prints for me, it limited what the FBI will do. (I say "will" because I don't think it's a matter of "can".) The prints came back clear, of course. But all they did was notify the embassy who (unfathomably) updated my I171H. Neither the embassy nor the FBI will send an "all-clear" letter. The FBI won't return the cards. So, I need to be fingerprinted again.] and then drive those prints to be fed-ex'd. I first had them notarize documents granting permission for my fingerprint to be sent to new agency instead of to me. The girl behind the counter put the wrong stamps on. Then they couldn't find the stamp, so they made up a form and attached it. I got the notaries done (and explained several times that I didn't have to pay anymore for this) and asked for my fingerprints to be taken.

Although girl said they did that, man said not anymore. I have to go to Moscow for that. There is nowhere else in Russia to have that done according to consulate man. I decided I'd better verify that I could get Sasha's ssn and passport at the consulate, as I'd been told previously, and was told I could not; that Sasha could not leave the US on her Russian passport. He couldn't tell me why (and I still don't understand), just that she could not.

So, I've been doing more passport research. Here are the possibilities:

• Everything is as we thought--enter and leave US on Russian passport, wait for Certificate of Citizenship to be mailed to a US address (Hi, Amy.), and then get US passport and ssn at consulate
• Everything is horribly difficult--we fly to the US to clear immigration and then apply for an expedited US passport. It will say something nonsalubrious--that she's a legal alien or something. We file an extra paper saying I'm an ex-pat. Then, we return to Russia and wait for an appointment with...somebody. We then fly back to the US, have the appointment, and get her COC.
• The "horribly difficult" option is if we enter the US in Honolulu. (I have never had the slightest desire to go to Hawaii. Beaches? No. Sand is glorified dirt and there are things in the ocean.) There, they give you your COC when you clear immigration. She would still need an expedited passport but it would all be kosher--no aliens, no return trip in a month. It would just be a 23-hour trip. One way. And then back.
  
• Everything is minorly inconveninet and just requires more paperwork. This is one that I don't quite understand yet. Because I work for the Embassy, I am a government employee. I hope. In this case. Because if I'm a government employee then there is some way to get an expeditied COC. And we could still get the expedited passport. And return.

Because Moscow is part way to Sasha, I decided to combine my fingerprinting trip with document hand-off and a visit. I have mixed feelings about this. I'm not sure that it's best for her. I just don't want to be another mama who keeps leaving her...even though I will the one who comes back. She really doesn't understand what is going on. Really.

Of course I want to see her, but our visits have such constraints! We are required to sit at a table to play. We cannot see any other children, so we cannot go outside. We cannot sit on the floor (horrors!) or spread out. And, I cannot "parent" her because she's not mine yet. (That's what they think!) They don't want me to pick her up. They want me to "encourage" her in the Soviet style--telling her exactly what she may and may not do, scolding her for coloring things the wrong color or coloring the wrong way, making her conform, conform, conform to a standard she CAN'T conform to at this point. (They don' t know me very well, do they?) My last translator was as bad as the staff--and needs to just back off. I will have a different translator this time, so maybe that will help. It's just a very frustrating way to "visit".

I don't like this orphanage. It is the least-welcoming orphanage I've been in. The staff, as Dr. Kholoudis noted, does everything we asked but never smiled. I don't think Sasha is safe there. I know she is not cherished. I don't have any warm-fuzzy feelings about caretakers who really do care. I haven't been able to spend time with them or in her group, I've only met them, so I may be wrong. I hope I am.

But I'm going, nonetheless. I will see her next week!

Yesterday I booked my tickets, got a haircut, and collected my Russian homestudy.

Now I need to get the hs copied, officially translated into English, notarized and to my international sw (who finished that hs, too!) in Germany. (eta: Dropped it off this morning and it will be ready tomorrow. First address given was a dentist, but found a notary/translator nearby.) As soon as the team in-region has it, we can ask for a court date! The judge is on vacation until 1 August. I think we'll have the hs shortly thereafter. My sw is scanning a copy to new agency so translation can begin even before it arrive. SW is fed-exing the hard copy to them for notaries and apostilles. And then it gets Fed-ex'd to Russia! That *could* all happen in three weeks, I think. Could.

Which means we could have a court date while I'm still in my 30's. Which would mean, after my ten-day wait, that my maternity leave would end just as Christmas vacation began--extending it by three weeks. Wouldn't that be great?

I have an appointment tomorrow for my eight-doctor medical and my regional medical. I have to walk to the travel agent and pick up my tickets (didn't want to brave the lines at the train station), go to the local pochta to check for packages (eta: Did part one of this today.) hand off some orphanage donations, pick up my travel permission papers and buy a rocking chair. And pack. And vacuum. And buy a new vacuum cleaner. And a digital recorder because the sony handycam I bought for trip one is not mac compatible.

What am I doing on the computer? Gotta dash!

(Disclaimer to B & C: portions of this post taken from e-mails to you.)

amazing

One month ago, I met an amazing little girl. One month ago today I had to leave the tearful little face that's at the end of this slideshow (My translator said the judge would want to see that.) And made her the promise written on my hand--that I would come back.

I've been waiting years to make a slideshow to this song. You can see in this such a progression in both of us in these pictures--from uncertainty, to certainty, to joy, to belonging, to grief at parting. Who would imagine that would happen in only four days?

I don't know how long this will stay up here...because I get nervous...but I wanted to show you this amazing little one. Now do you see why I'm going crazy at the inactivity?

(Um, you might need a tissue.)

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

real

It's really going to happen.

Yesterday, I just felt so much lighter. I know much of that was my sw visit. I had been concerned about to going to court and swearing I lived where I didn't live...and getting caught in a lie...and having the judge deny my adoption...

With my rock star visit yesterday, all of that concern just vanished! (Agency has yet to acknowledge this good news, I suspect, because their mouths are full of crow.)

The other thing that makes this real, more real than the toys and dresses and things that have been accumulating for years now, arrived yesterday.

I remember shopping for a wedding dress with my friend Lara. She tried on beautiful dresses, including the dress that was just perfect for her. And she was fine--happy, but in a sort of impersonal way. Then they put a veil on her and happy tears came flooding out. The veil made it real.

Here's what's made things real:

I've had the privilege of buying dolls, first dolls, even, for my friends' children and my niece. I've been looking forward to doing the same for my daughter. But I refused to buy d2b's doll until I knew she was coming home. I wanted it to look like her. So I waited. Yesterday, her doll arrived! I even had time to place it in the cradle before the sw came.

Now, every time I pass by Sasha's door and see her doll sleeping in the cradle, I smile. It's real.

Yes, that's her sweet, dainty room--without being pink. Oh--the doll's blanket is pink (not unpacked in this photo) and there's a pink pillow on the green couch. I still need to sew that slipcover. Photographs don't do justice to this room. I love the arch in here! It keeps it feeling cozy. On either side of the arch, the ceiling soar. There are floaty, white cotton curtains on the window at the foot of the bed. The sill is more than wide enough to curl up on and watch the happenings in the courtyard. That's my beloved bed in there--one I shopped ages to find. It came with me from the US. But, I thought that when we do move from Russia, it might be comforting for Sasha to have the same bed in our new house, so I've given it to her. It's oak with a spoon-carved daisy. On the wall across from the dresser, where you can see them while you're lying in bed, are three large photos of the two of us from trip one. The six little pictures are Monet prints from a calendar and bits of pretty wrapping paper. Next to the dresser is a large, oak-colored wardrobe. Above the little couch is the big Noah's ark print that I love. This room could use some wall stickers, couldn't it? I wish I were able to paint.

I am trying to decide if Sasha's doll will come with up on our pick-up trip. If the orphanage will let Sasha bring her elephant with her, then I think the doll should wait at home. The elephant will be familiar (I hope) and smell like the orphanage. (Sasha's Elephant could be the sequel to Mishka: An Adoption Tale.) But, if the orphanage keeps the elephant, then I'd love to have her doll for the time in Moscow...and on the plane rides. Right now, I'm contemplating sacrificing valuable suitcase space for the doll and just keeping her hidden if the elephant makes it out of the orphanage. What fun things to ponder!

rock stars

My social workers are rock stars.

My friend, Galina, called my Russian sw today, at 1:30 p.m. and explained that the school had moved me to a new flat and I needed a homevisit as fast as possible; that a child was waiting.

My sw came at 3:00. That was barely enough time to drive home from Galina's! After 30+ minutes in the car, I found a great parking space close to my building. (That is a miracle in and of itself at this time of day and year.) I made a mad dash to the shop for a bottle of wine to give my rock star sw as a thank you gift (and believe me, I was THANKFUL!), tidied up, cleaned the cat box, changed clothes, took out the trash and found her waiting on my front step fifteen minutes early.

AND she said it didn't matter if my apartment was not clean (I was pleading "new flat" before she entered). All that mattered was that my baby had a place to sleep.

She asked me about Sasha and, after looking at her sweet picture, told me she was a good, kind girl. ;>

In as long as it took me to copy the statement requesting the visit (that she'd prepared and brought with her) she looked around, complimented the size of the rooms, and was finished. We LOVE her!! Her report will be ready Monday. Monday! Or maybe Tuesday.

AND, my US/international sw (who lives in Germany) said she'll take the information I sent her today (who did the visit, size of flat, etc.) and plug it into her update without even waiting for a translated copy! (I'll send her one, nach.) That means we can be finished!

I have to re-do my fingerprints (tomorrow) and type up a letter to accompany my lease (in Russian) for my principal to sign (also tomorrow) and then...that's it. ВСЁ!

If the judge asks for more, we can get it without looking shifty.

We already gave a shout out to Barbara Parker, who is a bureaucratic rock star.

The final rock star in today's post--Dr. Victoria Khoudoulis who did Sasha's in-country exam. She's already written the letter that I need to get Sasha's visa and handed it off to my rep in-region. (For the record, this was my call, too. Agency still is hemming and hawing about what to do.)

It's like We are the World or Band Aid or something around here. Rock stars everywhere you look! (OT: Anyone else find it ironic that Band Aid was mostly Brit musicians...and the Brits call band aids plasters?)

tick tock addendum

Called my agency and told them I was proceeding as outlined in the previous post.

They thought this was a good idea.

tick tock

If my agency would PLEASE just make up their minds about what I need to do, I could start doing it.

Yes, everything is finished if we don't mention my move. But, I think the judge will want to see a lease. And, while I know there is "game-playing" involved in Russian adoption, this pretend-you-haven't-moved feels too high stakes to me.

I think we should submit my new lease (agency actually asked me to get a lease without an address...umm...not possible).
I think we need a new homevisit and two new homestudies.
I think we need to get the paperwork with my address on it re-done. (WHY is there an address on my psych eval??)
I think I should go to the region, visit Sasha, and re-do all the petition/registration/etc. forms that have my address on them IN RUSSIAN, in front of a Russian notary. Then, the papers don't have to fly to the US, be notarized and apostilled, flown back and translated. They'd just be finished.

I have suggested all of this. Multiple times.

However, no one seems to care what I think. And so we're wasting another day. By the time they e-mail me today, even if it's morning there, it'll be too late here to call my sw and try to schedule a visit.

I'm almost to the point of e-mailing and telling them that if I don't have a plan of action from them by tomorrow morning (MY time) I'm starting to move ahead as I see fit. Almost. We'll see how the day pans out.

Tick-tock.

eta: I did e-mail them.

And don't freak out about the new blog color, this color and charcoal grey are two of my favorites. I had just had enough of the pink. This is much more peaceful to me.

I just wish the header stretched...or centered...or something...

more adventures of car

I travelled to meet Sasha a month ago today.

I've been meaning to post my latest car adventure for you car fans, but...

I left home to go and meet Sasha a month ago today.

When I came back from meeting her, it was late Friday night. The next day was Scarlet Sails (go look in FAQ on the left if you missed what that was). I knew that cars on my street would be towed, so, I called my principal to arrange to meet up and get my car keys. I'd left them with him so that he could rescue my car if need be. (Foreshadowing or irony?)

I passed my car on the way to his apartment. The street was clearing, but by no means clear. The tow truck was nowhere in sight. By the time I'd walked the block to his apartment, chatted a bit about my trip, heard about the end of school, and walked back...yes, faithful readers, my car was gone.

I wasn't really fussed. I mean, this is par for the course, right? I'd find it.

Well, I didn't. I looked on Sunday in ever-increasing spirals, checking all the places it's been taken before. Nothing.

But, I still wasn't fussed. I knew there was a database on a website somewhere that the secretary at school could access.

So, Monday morning, I walked into school. We joked about my missing car and she started looking online. And making phone calls. Several phone calls. And no one knew where my car was. It wasn't logged as being towed.

We called the consulate. Shortly there was news--my car had been towed and left not far from the consulate. It seemed an odd choice...crossing some busy streets, but within the realm of possibility given my red plates. Oh, and given that this is Russia.

I walked to the metro and rode over to that neck of the woods. I walked up. And down. And around. And up and down again. And again. I was in the background of so many of one couple's wedding photos (The registry office is down the street from the consulate. You're bound to hear shouts of "Bitter!" as the guests encourage the couple to kiss--and make life sweeter--whenever you're nearby.) as I scoured the area. I'd been told that a consulate employee had spotted my car.

I called the consulate and told my friend in the motorpool that my car wasn't there. He was a bit flustered and went to find out what happened. Well, we found out at about the same time. I found a car with a similar license number (one letter different) parked on that street. It was little. And white. Sigh.

So, I walked and metro-ed back to school. The consulate encouraged us to report the car stolen. The school employees wondered if it would be better to wait to see if it turned up (because I would need one of them to go with me to handle the police department). We decided to go that day. I was actually quite curious to see what it was like. And, if my car was stolen, was looking forward to buying a newer, smaller one with the insurance money.

The police station was a tiny little hole-in-the-wall, hidden in a courtyard. We rang the bell and waited. And waited. And waited. Finally they buzzed us in. And we waited. It was just a tiny room, with the damp smell of an old basement and a table with two chairs in the corner. The desk officer was behind a plexiglass partition, dropped down a few steps.

Mostly, we waited. We waited until they would hear our business. (They knew who I was so I suspect the consulate had called.) We waited until an officer came to talk to us. We waited while he sent people out to patrol for my car. We waited for over an hour. People came in--two homeless men, three women who lived up to the bad stereotype of "Gypsies" that St. P has, two young men who seemed to be considering a career in...law enforcement (for lack of a better term)--and were taken to a back room. Officers came and sat at the table and filled out reports (about the homeless men). Other officers came and went, their guns (not handguns or pistols, but guns) apparent. And it was apparent their young owners were quite fond of them. There were wanted posters on the wall--some for runaways.

Then, the first officer (who my companion said was now resigned to actually doing some work) came and took us on patrol. Deciding that his car was too small, we took ours. Then, we just drove around the city looking for my car. WE could've done that! Well, we could've if my companion that day had been willing to do that. So, actually, it was a good thing the officer initiated this ridealong.

We were having a hard time finding my car and started debating whether we should do the paperwork (ah, that was the hesitation!) to report it stolen. The argument against that was if the car turned up, I'd be unable to drive it for months as undoing the paperwork would be difficult. Before we had to make the decision, CAR! We found it parked near the circus.

So there you go. Not much charm in this retelling. Not much emotional investment. I think they're all invested elsewhere at the mo. But it was an experience nonetheless.

saturday nothingness

I went shopping early this morning so as to beat the traffic and be back in time to get a parking space near my flat. Well, early here means I left by 8:00 on a Saturday. That's early for this sleep-in town.

I carefully planned my route so as not to drive by either the militsia guy who stops me for no reason despite my red plates or the one who pulled me over for a valid, though unknown, offense.

I got most of my shopping sorted. But I didn't find denture cleaner. NO! I need it to clean my shower head. I looked in the toothpaste aisle. Wouldn't you think it'd be there? Nothing tablet-y or fizzy or in a box with a picture of teeth.

Do they have dentures in Russia?

(Yes, I'll try hot vinegar on the shower head now. It's next on my list. Denture cleaner just sounded fizzy.)

(btw, one of our Estonian girls at school has the name "Talii" which, apparently, means "dentures" in Korean. It made my little SM giggle everytime she said it last year.)

(I'm finding it very interesting, linguistically speaking, that I wrote "has the name" instead of "is named". Very passive and Russian of me. Linguistically speaking.)

back to our regular programming

Well, those few days we had thinking everything was finally taken care of, that all the paperwork was completed were nice, weren't they? I enjoyed them. I was excited. I was counting down the days until it was likely that everything would be translated, submitted and I'd have a court date.

Now, NOW new agency is realizing my lease is up. No kidding. This, THIS is why I asked if we needed to update everything with my new apartment! (Do you ever feel like people dismiss you, thinking they know best, when, really, they DON'T?) I have no clue what they'll ask for now. Two new home studies and a new rental agreement, I'd guess.

Hopefully, my Russian sw can come quickly and do the visit. (It's summer, and everyone is on holiday, but we can still hope.) That visit can be used for my hs update (which Jane JUST completed...and will have to change). But I think this easily adds another month. MONTH!

New agency asking for two more bits of paperwork--one of which I sent in May and the other I will never have.

triple check

Barbara Parker, that jewel amongst bureaucrats, e-mailed me yesterday to tell me she'd done my child abuse clearance and the report had been mailed. Check!

The embassy in Moscow e-mailed today to say my FBI check is back and clear. Double check!

AND, the embassy in Moscow seems to be saying that a letter from the doctor *may* be enough to negate the need for a new visa. Triple check!

I sent a package to Sasha today--letter, photos, coloring book, stickers, matching game. It cost about $1.25 and should be there in ten days. I feel better with that tangible reminder on its way to her.

Now I must conquer the summer lethargy that's overtaken me (can't do anything without needing a nap afterwards and am all achy) so that I can clear away the last few boxes. Well...maybe tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day. And after that triple play, I don't have any paperwork to chase!

have, need, like

Let me just clarify, especially before this post, that *I* am not a chronic pain in the neck. I *have* a chronic pain in the neck. ;>

Do you know that Ann Marie first came up with the virtual shower idea while she was here in St. Petersburg meeting her little one? And now Alexander isn't so little...and he's been home for two years!

I'm so grateful to Ann Marie and Debbie for organizing my shower. (Ummm, you're all invited. Check here for news. But I'm not. Checking there.) I was so excited about registering for my shower. I didn't have a bridal shower, wedding shower, housewarming shower...or any shower (that didn't involve water) so this was exciting. I had images of me with the gun zapping items in Target.

Instead, I got completely overwhelmed. My good friend Julie got online with me and got overwhelmed as well. We couldn't find things that I needed and would be easy to ship to Russia.

So, rather than "register" Debbie suggested I let you know what we have (maybe you'll see some holes...and everyone keeps asking) what we need (that I'll be buying here because it's just too heavy to ship) and what we like. I'll give you some guidelines and turn you loose. While my friends (um, Kerry--who always gets me the perfect gifts) tell me I'm hard to shop for, I think, like Sally Albright (to whom I've been compared, oh, once or twice. every day.) that I just know what I like.

Harry: There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.
Sally: Which one am I?
Harry: You're the worst kind; you're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.
Sally: I don't see that.
Harry: You don't see that? "Waiter, I'll begin with a house salad, but I don't want the regular dressing. I'll have the balsamic vinegar and oil, but on the side. And then the salmon with the mustard sauce, but I want the mustard sauce on the side." On-the-side is a very big thing for you.
Sally: Well, I just want it the way I want it.
Harry: I know; high maintenance.

Oi. The have is long. Let's do it backwards. Let's start with like:

I like natural products and fibers, not synthetics.
I like Sasha in winter colors (I think... but I'm a winter so I may be biased). Cool colors, jewel tones...not pastels and not warm colors. No peaches and yellows. Cool, deep red was great.
Sasha likes dresses (me, too) and hearts and stickers and puzzles.
I like many of the clothes by Hanna Andersson (but not their fall preview) and Mini Boden.
I like little girls to look like little girls.

I don't like Disney.
I don't like *any* characters.
I don't like logos.
I'm not keen on electronics.
I don't like markers.
I don't like "prostitot" clothing.
I don't like frilly and fussy.
I don't like light-up shoes.

If you're desperate to buy something to send, let me think.
If you long to buy little girl clothes, I understand completely. ;>
Please don't buy us anything smaller than a size 120 or 7.

I found a few things on Amazon and made a wish list.
We could use some more bath toys.
I like the Fisher Price Noah's Ark--if Mrs. Noah is there.
There are lots of animals to go with them.
The nativity set might be good.
We could use some 12-24 piece puzzles.
Alphabet, numbers, colors, shapes...
a potholder loom and loops
simple craft items
jump rope
hats and gloves and mittens and scarves

Trips to the circus, zoo, oceanarium, puppet theatre, etc.

There are a few things we still need:
A rocking chair (very hard to find here)
baby bottles, pacifiers and sippy cups (for therapeutic play)
a mini trampoline
a bike
roller blades
helmet and pads
shoes (I don't want to buy them until she's home. Feet grow so fast!)
winter coat
an easel
water colors
kid cd or mp3 player
balls

Sasha has:
a bed and dresser
linens (sheet sets, towels sets, comforter, duvets)
short- and long-sleeved dresses (about 30 in sizes 100-110 alone)
pants, jeans, sweat pants
long- and short-sleeved t-shirts, tops
cardigans, sweaters
lots of underwear (about 30 pairs each of sizes 4-6 and 6-8)
socks, tights, camisoles
pajamas and slippers
a possible winter coat, but I think it will be too small
a futon couch (that I need to recover)
stuffed animals (so many already!)
a bitty baby from American girl
a cradle for her toys
games (candyland, chutes and ladders, sorry, jenga, memory, parcheesi, some russian games, jack straws)
some puzzles
a brio-like train set from ikea
a floor mat that has roads to drive on
a car and tow truck (;>)
play dishes
wooden blocks
lacing cards
jacks
wooden farm animal stringing beads (big hit on trip one)
cards: uno, alphabet flash cards
lots of board books and picture books
coloring books and stickerbooks
crayons and colored pencils
finger paint
bead kit, craft kits to make slippers, purse, picture frame
fairy wings and a tiara
pattern blocks
a make-it bake-it butterfly
bubbles
princess leia (polly pocket size w/ clothes)
another little 4" doll
foam shapes and pon poms and glitter
play dough (and a mama who knows how to make it)
play clock
dvd's, mostly sesame street and veggietales
cd's: Steve Green, Raffi, Jim Valley, Peter, Paul and Mommy, Kenny Loggins, Little Einstein (from Rachael), a Russian one that is too rocky-poppy, some books on cd
toothbrush, flouride rinse
hairbrush, comb, clips, headbands
ponytail holders, and some ribbons (won't need for a while)
tylenol, motrin, advil, benedryl, triaminic
neosporin, band-aids
thermometer
vitamins
lotions, bubble bath
a mama kit (from julianne) with first aid-y things
a wooden adjustable-height chair
a car seat
plastic cups, plates, and bowls; little forks
two cats
me

Does that help?
Any questions, fire away!

I'm excited and overwhelmed at the amount of joy that is being shared because of my little d2b. I'm really looking forward to my shower! Let's eat, drink and be merry. Come rejoice with this one who is rejoicing.

Happy fourth!

I can't wait until we're both wearing these:




The flag shirts are for both of us on the plane ride home. (We'll keep them covered until we're on the plane--or at least until we've cleared passport control leaving Russia.) After she's cleared immigration in the US, she'll truly be an "American Sweetheart".

angels and weirdness

That title reminds me of the quote about Russia being the land of heroes and madmen.

First, let us pause for a moment and give thanks for Barbara Parker. In the midst of e-mails like this from unhelpful colleagues (I suspect they're subordinates with little power and unhappy personal lives.) of hers:

I did not respond to your first email The instructions you received initially were incorrect. You cannot fax your request, it must be mailed and have the original signature. There are no exceptions to this requirement in the Ohio Administrative Code.

Barbara Parker sent me this:

I'm acknowledging receipt of your faxed request for searches of Ohio's Central Registry on Child Abuse & Neglect for your name. Your request included all appropriate documentation to proceed with searches, except one: our policies require that your original signature must be on file with our office.

I can relax the requirement somewhat if you are able to scan a document containing your original signature and return it to me as an e-mail attachment. You can use the document you faxed to me (there is no need to include the IDs) or you can write a statement, "Please conduct a search of the central registry for my name," and sign it.

Otherwise, we will need to obtain this information through U.S. mail, Fed Ex or other delivery service.

Please let me know if there are any questions. I'll do my best to accommodate your request!

Thank you!
Barbara

This is the happy ending to weeks of misinformation and rude bureaucrats. I scanned her the signature last night and she's doing the search early next week. This, and my FBI prints, which should also be in early next week, are all we need to update my homestudy!

(Christie Llyod, who used to work at the embassy in Moscow was another angel-in-bureaucrat's clothing. She helped me out immeasurably three years ago...with just a little common sense. She was amazed that I, and another pre-adoptive family she'd recently helped, were so grateful for what, to her, was a little thing. Little things are important.)

Now we just need to sort out the visa issue. "Just".

Frankly, I am not too bothered by this. I need to convince my agency to go ahead and submit the paperwork for a court date as is. If USCIS Moscow won't give me a visa, I'd think I could just take Sasha home to St. P while things (new hs, new I-600A, new I-717H) get sorted. Of course, that's a little common sensical of me. Danger, danger.

I should be out paper-gathering for that visa appeal, but woke up with two three-inch red streaks on my shoulder. It looked like traveling poison from a bite. It looked like this:

So you got a post, instead. Maybe two. There's no bite, no rash. I didn't eat anything new. It doesn't itch or burn or feel warm to the touch. It's not changing size (that's what the black marks are for). But, it's red and it's weird. An ache is spreading and I'm dizzy. And WebMD (always a little alarmist) says I should seek immediate medical attention. So, rather than run around the city, I'm headed to a new doctor this afternoon. We'll see how that goes.

Exciting stuff, eh?

eta: Having been seen by a gp (American clinic), a neurologist, and been x-rayed, the diagnosis is a disease called...

Chronic Pain in the Neck.

Seriozna. Seriously. It is exacerbated by stress and lack of sleep. The treatment includes (basically) an injection (ya nehachoo-I don't want), advil, tylenol, flex-all and massage. Also, less stress and more sleep. (Say what you will about Russian doctors, this neurologist was GOOD!)

And the marks...well...by the time the doctor saw them they were less red, more brownish and more diffused. Diagnosis: too heavy shopping bags carried on that shoulder. (It was only groceries.)

So I'm going to take some advil and a nap. And check into delivery options for my upcoming big purchases.

bitter irony

Does my agency,
who is closed from now until next Tuesday,
not realize that by closing
for a week
for Independence Day
they are postponing Sasha's independence day?

And now I can't get any answers to any questions.

I'm going shopping.

newsy

Internet is back! Hooray.

I'm moved in and mostly unpacked. (Yes, yes... pix when I'm ALL unpacked.)

I've beaten the boat noise by moving into Sasha's room. See? Co-sleeping already. ;>

I'm overwhelmed by the enthusiastic response to my shower. I never got to have a bridal shower, wedding shower, baby shower...housewarming shower so this is very exciting. I'm a little gobsmacked. I don't quite know what to register FOR. I've got so many things...but I guess we just register for the future. Right? I'll do some dreaming. And consulting. Maybe in addition to registering I can give you some basic guidelines for those of you who like to shop off the registry. (That's easy--no Disney, no characters, no synthetics, nothing too cutesy. I think she's a winter. Yea! Me, too! But we won't know until she's home and has lost that orphanage pallor.)

Paperwork. Bleh. My agency is going back and forth on whether or not we need to update my hs for USCIS. The latest word is yes--and get a new visa. If we do, that's a big update. It will take a long time to complete. Special needs adoptions need special paperwork. (Came up with that gem of a definition very late last night.) BUT the memo USCIS sent out to agencies in March (I have a copy) says that a doctor's exam can overrule the dx on the paperwork. I think my doctor's exam does that and have e-mailed USCIS to ask for their opinion.

My current hs update for Russia is 12 pages long! I thought it would be a page...or maybe two listing the things that have changed (salary, saving, address, special needs) that would be attached to my current hs. Instead, she's re-written a lot of things that haven't changed (personal history, why I'm adopting, plans for after d2b is home, guardianship, etc.).

Twelve pages will take a long time to translate.

I e-mailed my agency to ask their sw (who approves all the hs) what we need--two pages or twelve. She didn't know. Let me repeat--She didn't know. She didn't even understand WHY we were updating. (insert controlled scream) We're updating only because THE AGENCY TOLD ME TO UPDATE!

To answer your questions, it's not likely that I'll be visiting her during this wait. If she were close by, I'd be there every day! But she's hours and hours away. Russia's a big country. Imagine if you were adopting from another state. You wouldn't be able to visit every weekend. It takes longer to get to her than it does to fly from New York to London.

And, she really doesn't know what's going on at all. Having me come and go may be worse.

If it looks like court will be more than eight weeks, I'll go visit once more. Probably. If it's going to be soon, I probably won't.

That's the newsy-ness here.

(Sorry for no pix. A friend got on the blog without accepting his invitation. It makes me nervous.)

from ann marie and debbie

Blog: shower4kate.wordpress.com

User: shower4kate

Password: zeus969

(I'm so excited about this!!!)

(Am I allowed there or not? Abstaining for now...)

beautiful

There used to be a picture here.
It was of my beautiful Sasha. And me.
I'll put it back sometime.

That should keep you busy until I'm back...

surprise, surprise

no internet at the new house. i can watch my sling, but can't open firefox or safari. IT from school is coming monday (fingers crossed) to sort it out.

i've got a great car story for you.

handprint

"You'll be with me, like a handprint on my heart."
-Wicked

her name...

is, and will continue to be, Sasha. She's Alexandra. Middle name disclosed after court!

Having thought I might keep her name as her middle name and add a new first name (Sasha is neither one of my favorites nor one of the can't -stands...except I'm worried someone might mistake me for an Obama supporter. Nah. Never happen.), I was surprised at how unquestioningly I kept her name. Really, as people keep saying who have done the same thing, I feel like it's all she has. And I can't take that away from her.

Not judging--just how it played out for us.

Now, if in time she wants to change it, well and good.

And we can always Americanize the nickname.

See? That was worth signing on to a private blog.

Answering comments:
Jim, of *course* families are included. And thank you and your family for your prayers.

Melissa, yes, it's a new USCIS requirement. If your paperwork says that you're requesting "minor, correctable health conditions" and you are referred a child whose paperwork indicates otherwise, there are now visa problems. Now you have to either have paperwork changed (including a hs update) to match or get a doctor to do a private evaluation and say that actually the issues are minor and correctable. We're hoping that the doctor who examined her will do that for us. Hoping.

so, here we are.

As soon as everyone has sworn the oath of non-disclosure we can get started. Please leave your own oon-d in the comments with a suitably traumatic consequence for breaking it. (Katie, I suggest something with birds.)Seriously. Go comment.

My blog was in a recent Aeroflot in-flight magazine. It made me nervous. It got me some snarky comments.

So, I wrote to Aeroflot and asked them not to quote me again. I put that completely useless pseudo-copyright on the top. And I was still nervous. So, now we're private.

One reason for privacy--I moved yesterday. And new agency is saying to just.say.nothing. That makes me a little nervous...especially because the notary in-region was skeptical about my address (which actually has the wrong apartment listed...but it's the same on every piece of paper, so I'm not saying anything about that, either) and changed the wording to say "She says she live at xyz". Nice, huh?

But re-doing MORE paperwork at this point might make me weep. So, I'm taking their advice and saying nothing.

Here we are:

I'm in the yellow building, above the (overpriced) produkti. I use the door without a sign or awning.

It's a much nicer layout for d2b. But, it's NOISY with the boats on the canal and there was zero water pressure this morning. Also, there is no track for a shower curtain. It's a wet room...but I'm not really keen on that.

Still, it's light, has real hardwood floors and is just a much pleasanter place. Pix once I've unpacked (give me few days).

a little privacy, please

Friends, I'm temporarily taking this blog private shortly. If I "know" you, you can look for an invite in the next couple of days. (Don't panic if you don't hear from me until the weekend. It's a little busy here...)

This might be precipitous, but I'm just feeling like I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Faithful lurkers, please keep checking back. Once we've had court and d2b is home I'll make it public again. I do want to you to be able to share in what it takes to get us down this homestretch...but I don't want to do anything that might jeopardize actually BRINGING her home. I'm sure you wouldn't want that either.

Hoping to be back soon...
Kate

so now...

So, what's next? Well, first I need to find my car. (Yep. Towed again. And I can't find it!) Then...

PAPERWORK!

D2b has a "diagnosis" in her paperwork that doesn't match up with my paperwork. We asked if they'd change hers, and they won't. So, I have to change mine.

I've had new fingerprints done (they'll be back in two weeks), a new psych update written (notarized copy to the agency on Wednesday), new bank details notarized (yea, agency) and am waiting for a new child abuse clearance. THEN we can update the US hs (and maybe the Russian hs, too) and my visa. Her visa.

THEN, when that's all done, my papers and all her papers will be presented to the court. If it's all okay, a court date will be issued. If it's not, more paperwork will be requested. (During the summer, there is only one judge working at a time, so things slow down. But, I'm still hoping we're home before my birthday in mid-September. It's possible.) Once I have my court date, I'll have my eight doctor medical exam done here. (There are no gp's in Russia, only specialists. So, to prove I'm healthy, I have to see a cadre of doctors. Fortunately I can do this at my local clinic.)

Then we have court. Then we wait two weeks. Then we fly to the US. Then we come home!

Please pray for my little one while she waits. I really don't think she understands why I'm gone. Pray for her to be safe, for someone to love her, for peace and reassurance. Pray that she'll remember, that this doesn't break the fragile trust that was forming. Pray that knowing she has a Mama who is coming back for her will give her strength and confidence.

Please pray for the people completing my paperwork and hers. Pray for the judge. And pray for a quick reunion.

Do you know what? D2b came into the orphanage the same time I changed agencies.

hers and mine

Have you read the book, Two Little Girls? I read it ages ago and, quite frankly, can't remember if it was good or not. I do vividly remember thinking that I hoped her children, especially her second daughter, never read that book.

So, I'm cautious about sharing.

I've read so many stories, and have become vf's with families who've brought home little six- and seven-year-old girls from Russia. After a settling-in period, which seems to often include some very physical moments, these girls hit the ground running.

Their backgrounds, however, are quite different to my little bunny's. We're not going to be running any time soon. We're going to be having a nice leisurely walk. And it's a walk I'm so looking forward to taking! But, I'm not sure that it's one I'm going to be blogging. We'll see.

I'm going to be discreet from now until court. You'll just have to bear with me and know that it's all worth it. ;>

Let's see...

She is not at all what I expected.
We are perfect for each other.

• I'm a teacher.
• I was a psych major...until I realized all I could do was go to grad school...which would postpone my acting career even further.
• I ended up with a psych minor.
• My focus was on children--developmental psychology.
• I've had an interest in, and done much research about, the challenges d2b has in front of her.
• I've got lots of clothes in her size. ;>
  

Everyone who sees us--the examining doctor, my agency staff, the sw, the director of the orphanage thinks we're a good match, one that is more than good, one that is deep and strong and true. My child-charming skills, while not a surprise to me, were a source of amazement to many onlookers. The sw was very impressed that I was "a professional".

It wasn't until the second day that I knew. It was then that I realized that if I'd prayed for the right child to be referred to me first, then I'd best open my eyes to why this was the right child, instead of worrying about why I might not be the right Mama for her. It was that second morning, when I was walking to get a Coke before we left, that I realized I couldn't really put a limit on my obedience. I am adopting because I know it is what I'm supposed to do. So, who am I do say that I'll obey up to a point but no further? That actually made me laugh. I was much calmer going in the second day. And I knew when I saw her again that she was mine, and I was hers.

Even though I didn't know it at the time, I started being her Mama about five minutes after they brought her to me, a scared little bird, so worried about what to do and determined to do things correctly, and then proceeded to read her history out in front of her. I was livid!

She understands my Russian. She listens to me, and turns to me, instead of to the translator. (After my second translator's first day, which was the second day, I had to get her to back off and stop trying to push things. It isn't her job to bond with d2b or to run a dog-and-pony show. And, frankly, what she thought was important I didn't. I gave her the cameras to keep her busy. It helped...but she's not a great photographer.)

She is more agreeable than any child I've ever met. Ever. She does everything willingly and wholeheartedly.

She loves balloons and balls. She like puzzles and games and drawing. She likes hearts and stickers. We had so much fun playing with some wooden farm animals I found. (We made the goat a cow and then a dog. There was no dog. How can there not be a sabaka?)

She has never had a choice and doesn't really know how to make one. She will choose between two activities, but was very perplexed when we asked her what color shoes I should bring her. Several colors were suggested and she was still perplexed. When I told her, "Mama will choose?" I got a big grin (oh, those dimples), an emphatic nod and a big sigh of relief.

She's figured out what makes me smile (like her dramatic, tak, tak, tak --kind of like "so" and kind of just a thinking, tongue-clucking noise--while she's thinking or looking for an answer) and does it purposely. She mirrors the way I'm sitting. If my chin is in my hand, hers will be moments later.

She has scars over both eyebrows that look like injuries that should have been stitched and weren't.

She is a teeny-tiny little peanut. She's 111 cm tall and weighs...not nearly enough!

She is very precise in everything that she does. She is eager to please and to do things the. right. way. She looks into my eyes and just searches.

She has the sweetest voice, the deepest dimples, the most gorgeous eyes.

She cried every day when I left. This, her panic the first day, her inconsolablity the second, her determination the third and her melting into my hug on the last day broke my heart four different ways.

I left her a stuffed elephant (what else?) that I'd been sleeping with for weeks so that it would smell like me (the best connector to memory). Elephants never forget. They promised to let her sleep with it. My arms are so empty without that elephant.

She loved her photo book about her new life--home, cats, school, friends and family. She likes that she will have three uncles. She likes her toys and her dresses. She was excited about the circus. She said she will throw the mouse for Mia. (Mia is thrilled.) But her absolute favorite page, the one she poured over every time we looked at it, was a page with photos of the two of us. She was just amazed. We decorated the book with stickers. She was ready to go home on Thursday--and I was so ready to take her! They said they would read her book with her.

She is mine and I am hers.

She needs to come home. Now.

in the pink

Yep. D2b likes pink.

Hoping she like periwinkle, too. ;>

slideshow help?

I have a slideshow, created on my mac in iPhoto that is saved as a Quicktime .mov file. I'd like to upload it using blogger's video button, but can't figure out how. It just says it's loading FOR.EV.ER.

Any help out there?

"ten minutes ago"

I had this all preloaded to post Monday, but I wasn't singing it until last night. And this morning. And now...



Ten minutes ago, I saw you.
I looked up when you came through the door.
My head started reeling.
You gave me the feeling
The room had no ceiling or floor.

Ten minutes ago, I met you,
And we murmured our "How-do-you-do's?"
I wanted to ring out the bells
And fling out my arms
And to sing out the news:

I have found her!
She's an angel,
With the dust of the stars in her eyes.

We are dancing.
We are flying!
And she's taking me back to the skies.

(Please excuse Lesley Ann Warren. Dreadful. Almost as bad as Audrey as Eliza or Whatserface as Guinevere. But Stuart Damon is so joyful!)

D2b has nearly-black hair and golden-brown eyes.
And dimples.
She's a little peanut, can be a frightened rabbit, and is certainly a survivor.

More about the trip once I'm home. But, I thought you'd want to know.

for cuteness' sake

and for no other reason. So don't go thinking there's some clue here (seriously--I.don't.know.anything.):



I love how "lmno" came out. ;>

Too busy to even take a pretty picture for you. Leaving on Saturday.

mouths of babes

On the way out the door today (I'm not sure what started this) one of my big-hearted students (whose brother I taught last year and whose younger sibs I have next year) earnestly told me,

"Miss X, there are so many important things you need to find out about her. Like her birthday. Can you imagine if you didn't know that?"

"You're right, Kealan. That is important. That's probably the first thing I'll find out."

"No." he replied emphatically, halting in his homeward journey and facing me in all seriousness. "First," he continued emphatically, "you've gotta know her name."

* * * * * * * * * *

Former students (current fifth graders) were wondering about d2b while I was on playground duty this morning (a duty I love). One of the girls asked me if I had a picture of her in my mind. I told her that I tried really hard not to so that I wouldn't be disappointed. The girls went on to say that they have been imagining her. They think she will have big, brown (or blue) eyes and shoulder-length light brown hair. They think she will be rather petite (or not). Her name is likely Olya or Nastia (or something really unusual for a Russian name). This varies depending on whether you asked Vani (or Neta).

preparing myself

So, let's see... I have

• booked an apartment
• made train reservations
• decided on what activities to bring for our visits (beads, matching game, puzzle, paper & markers, nail polish, balloons, eye-spy book, sticker book, activity book)
• looked through my stash of clothes
  
• updated almost all of my pre-court paperwork (still need sw to do her thing and to get my fingerprints done. again. waiting for cards to arrive as non-card prints didn't work last time.)
• arranged for a doctor to visit the orphanage on the second day
• lost my watch and lens cap (they're the ever-helpful "somewhere")
• mentally packed

I'm keeping track of everything on spiral bound index cards. This is brilliant (and not just because I thought of it). It lets me have multiple lists--to do, to bring, for agency, for sw, for school, to buy--but keep them all in one place. I love it.

According to the genius-spiral-bound-index-card-organizational-system I still need to

• do a little shopping (a specific game, a new lens cap, possibly a digital video recorder)
• confirm cat care
• grocery shop for this week
  
• clean
• put away laundry
• wrap up the school year (BIG to do there...field trip, sports day, game day, math assessment, grading, report cards, good-bye party, make photo dvd's, get pillow cases for the kids to sign for leaving students, phone and in-person interviews of prospective students...)
• meet with the movers for them to see how much stuff I have
• hand off some orphanage donations to V--and pack the rest in my car to await my return
• sub plans for while I'm away (yes, they'll still be working the last week of school)
• leave to attend graduation in five minutes
  

So, I'm a little busy. It's probably THE worst week for me to miss at school. And, yet, no one begrudges me this time at all. There's just a lot to do so that my absence is less inconvenient than it could be. But, no matter what gets accomplished and what doesn't I'll be in-region in a week (I'm going a day early to help with sleep and my composure.) ready to meet a little girl who may be d2b. We'll see...

prepare yourselves

During our last field trip, I had nine of my twelve parents along for the fun. They all had their cameras and were clicking away--calling to their kidlings to "Look over here. Smile. Say 'kimchee.' Over here." I was busy trying to get pictures for our class and for the three moms who weren't there. Our tour was fast-paced and we were whisked from one activity to another.

I think it's great to have photos. I don't have nearly enough photographs from my childhood. There aren't everyday moments captured. I have friends that I've known for over thirty years and we have a handful of photos of us together. It was so normal for us to be together that it wasn't photo-worthy, I guess. There aren't yearly birthday and Christmas photos, marking growth and change. I want to have more photos of my child. I've been a good photographer of my friends' children for years. I'm looking forward to doing the same thing for d2b.

But.

You knew there was a but coming, didn't you?

I think that we've become spectators of our own lives--photographing and recording and commenting on them instead of just living them.

While I know you are all dying to hear and see what is happening, recording it in the moment is not my priority. This is a moment that I want to LIVE. I'll share some of it...but it may be after I'm back. (And, of course, photos have to wait until after custody is granted, as per Russian law and common sense.) I may have time to blog while I'm away, but I may not. I'm not even sure about internet availability.

I am so grateful for all the support I have both irl and in the blogpsphere. It's wonderful! But, this moment is mine. Is ours, mine and d2b's. And I think I may need to just treasure it up for a little while before I decide what to share with all of you. I just wanted you to be prepared. ;>

ppnn

Yesterday, second grade went on a wet and windy field trip to Vyborg Castle. It's a Swedish medieval castle (as per our guide) in what was once a Finish city. Vyborg is lovely! It has a very not-in-Russia feel to the layout and architecture.

ppnn, as defined in this post, is kateish for "pretty picture, no news".

ppnn

The tulips in the Summer Garden are beautiful right now.