hey, baby, what's your song?

So, if Why This Road is my current state-of-being song

(actually, I'm coming out of that already; sometimes all it takes is a song. Did you know that musical theatre is structured much like Shakespearean plays? Seriously. In Shakespeare's works, you will find characters speaking in prose until the emotion becomes so overwhelming that s/he has to express it differently, it cannot be contained in prose--so s/he speaks in verse. Look at Viola and Olivia's dialogue from Twelfth Night, Act I scene v. When Viola's passion for Orsino overtakes her, she begins to speak in verse. So, too in musicals. When a character has an emotion too big for words, s/he sings! Of course, this is only true of musicals post-Oklahoma!. But that's taking this digression a bit too far, isn't it? Indubitably. <-That was a Mary Poppins reference. It just happens.)

then what is yours? Everyone has a song. In drama school we had to write and sing our self-song. (Of course we did. It was drama school.) I still know mine--and it still fits. I've had lots of songs that sum me up at different times. Haven't we all? I say yes!

So, what's your song?

still looking for sw

The new sw was going to cost $1750 + travel expenses to do my new hs. That's more than my first hs! I'm looking further.

this road

A dear friend sent me a cd she'd burned for me. (Thanks again, S!) This song, the last one, seemed espcially fitting (although I think "suffering" to too drastic and too dramatic to describe my situation properly). These lyrics, and this post, and this blogger are unashamedly Christian.

This song is by Ginny Owens.

A million miles away from anything familiar
A thousand places I would rather be
So I choke back the tears and try to find the bright side
Though I find it hard to see beyond my suffering

In my heart I know Your plan is so much bigger
And this small part is all that I can see
And I believe You haven't left me here to wander
Still I can't help but ponder where You're leading me

And I ask why this road? Why this way and this load?
Tell me how far must I go 'till I see, 'till I know, why this road?

A million miles away from anything familiar
What was it like to be so far from home?
And though You came in love, the world misunderstood You
There must've been some days when You felt so alone

But You endured because there was joy before You
Joy that came because You sacrificed
Since You gave Yourself just to spend forever with me
Surely I can trust You'll lead me through my darkest time

When I ask why this road? Why this way and this load?
Tell me how far must I go 'till I see, 'till I know, why this road?

From here I cannot see why you'd choose this path for me
But I don't have to understand to believe
That You know why

You know why this road, why this way and this load
You know how far I must go 'till I see, 'till I know, why this road

I love it and I sing it. It so nicely sums up both the struggles and the faith I have about bringing d2b home.

And, once photobucket un-bans me for for violating tos (ummm...yeah. not me.) I'll change my photo to a better representation of this road.

(BTW, I found a sw to re-do my hs. Hooray! Now let's see how much it will cost...)

a little help

Thank you for your kind offers to help the children at Loozeena. I don't really know what we can do. That being said, the atmosphere there was not one of doom and gloom. It wasn't camp-like, but it was just...life for these kids. I wasn't there very long. I'm sure if I was, that I'd have more insights into what life was really like.

Some ideas...

Buckner obvioulsy works there. Supporting their outreach program would help these children and others like them. Becky? Want to chime in here?

I can find out more about the Lutheran organization (V. says it's not Bethany) that Valentina works for and see if we could make donations there. I think they sent a team to build showers at the last children's home I visited. Maybe they could help with paint or flooring...or maybe these are just cosmetic things that struck me. Maybe there are more pressing needs.

I am happy to recieve packages from the US or to take donations and go shopping for these children. I can ask Valentina for what they need (they just got a new blood pressure gague and wood-working tools) and what they want (dolls for all are still high on my list...) and fill up my BIG car.

These are all short-term. I think in the long term, all we can do is pray for these children and for this nation. There are so many people here in need of care. It's easy for us to focus on the orphan population. Those are faces we can readily see. The elderly population is struggling tremendously. The pensioners here have seen their state pensions dwindle away to nothing. My heart hurts for the millions of people here who are lonely and hopeless. I don't know how to help them. I'm open to suggetions!

more good news (note the sarcasm)

My social worker just e-mailed me. She said she will not be able to do my homestudy because she has family issues that prevent her from being in Russia.

Have I mentioned how difficult it is to adopt while you're living in Russia?

visiting Lopukhinka

Yesterday I delivered clothes and toys that our school collected at the end of the school year (see political corruption). On the way Valentina, the co-ordinator who works with Bethany (I think) to supply needs to orphans in Leningrad Oblast, and I stopped for a blini and to buy some things for the children. (Note: they asked for a tea kettle for the infirmary, shampoo, sanitary pads, and candy. If you're thinking about a donation for older children, think hygiene.) It was a good thing we ate, because we didn't get home until well past seven last night.

This time we went to a different children's home near the village of L. (close to Peterhof). it was a very pretty drive with lots of birch trees and grazing animals. It's one of the prettiest parts of the country I've seen. There were even individual houses. I didn't realize how much I'd missed seeing those!

The children's home (they attend school in the nearby village, so it's not an internat) was by far the poorest I've seen. The paint was peeling from the walls. The floors were worn through. There was little furniture. But, the children seemed cared for, happy, and open. The caregivers were truly caring. They help to work on the farm and sold enough produce last year to send 30+ children to summer camp. They have woodworking classes. This is the only home I know of that has a significant amount of men on the caregiving/teaching staff. I think that is so important!

The children at Lophkhinka were aged 7-16. It was actually graduation day (from high school) for the older children. We ran into a group from Buckner (not my agency) who were there distributing "supplies" for the graduates. (They didn't know you, Becky. I asked.) I think the teenaged girls on their staff were responsible for all the French braids and beribboned pigtails on the little girls yesterday. I know there were responsible for some RED nail polish.

We delivered our toys and clothes. All the toys were greeted with enthusiasm. Little scrappy bits of plastic that I'd throw away as junk were treasured. The biggest hit was a doll bed that I had been tempted to keep for d2b. My car was packed solid and it was both cute and hard to fit in. I was so glad I hadn't given into that temptation! The little girls (maybe aged 10) were delighted with it. They were even happier when they found a doll (kookla) in the bag to put in the bed. I want to go buy lots of new dolls for this children's home! I'd love to make sure all of the girls in that groupa had their own doll.

One little girl, Veera, was new and a little lost. She was probably seven. She'd been brought to this home because her brothers had been here previously. There was an evident desire to keep siblings together here. It was easy to see family resemblances amongst the children. There were sisters who were tall with long, dark hair and a family of freckle-faced strawberry blondes. I admit to having my eyes open, searching for a lightening bolt, just a little bit. But, again, the fact that I was in a children's home that was older than my current age range made it a little easier for me to go. Not much though--it mostly made me want to increase my age range!

We talked to the assistant director. Valentina told her I was adopting and she asked me to come back there! I told her I would be happy to do that. Sadly, as in most of the children's homes, most of these children will never leave. V. estimated that 80 % of them were not available for adoption. Some occasionally see their mothers. Some occasionally leave for a visit. Most just stay there.

When we were leaving, V asked if it was okay if we gave the children a ride to the gate in my car. And, then, she added joking, we can just keep going. Little did she know how much Alias and 24 I've been watching! A daring escape was just up my alley. And, I was sure I could get some forged documents. Sydney always manages... So, Nastya, Katya, Veera and Dima all piled in the back seat. We drove them down the path. And, despite my recent CIA/SD6/CTU training, we stopped before the gate that led to the road out, dropped them off and waved goodbye. Won't it be a great day when the waving goodbye takes place from little hands inside my car as we drive through the gate together?

the results are... (with addition)

As many of you know, I've been conducting an independent study on the effects of stress upon single, thirty-something women. To that end, I needed to induce a high-stress situation. I've chosen to delve into the world of Russian adoption. While I was told it would be "hard", I, like most pap's did not really believe it or fathom the how's and why's. I'm organized. I follow directions well. I a believer who knows that God's timing and plans for my life is better than, and often different from, the plans I make on my own. I didn't really think it would be THAT stressful. I thought I'd fill out my paperwork and then wait. Silly, Kate.

So, it seemed prudent, if my study was to succeed and yeild valid high-stress results, to up the stress level. I decided to live in Russia. Living outside your culture is stressful. Living in Russia provides it's own unique frustrations.

I increased the stress level further at work. My class this year included a child who is high-functioning autistic, another with undiagnosed but severe ADHD, three with learning disabilities, my esl contingent and a child with spina bifida who had a very difficult learning assistant. Really, she crossed the line from unpleasant and verged on crazy. I taught for a first-year principal whom I don't really...click with. She just let me know today that my classroom for next year will be subdivided (I knew that and was a bit sad, but understanding) AND that I would not get to choose my new room. (The other teacher is new and won't arrive until August. All the staff thought I'd get right of refusal since I'm actually here.) WRONG. That wouldn't be nearly stressful enough. So, now I'll be in the other, less desirable, darker, smaller classroom with fewer computers and more students. AND, I'll have an assistant next year whom I've only seen at the Christmas party. (She's been on maternity leave for the last two years. Russian leave beats US family leave, hands down.) I hope she was drunk then because otherwise we're in danger of exceeding the safety limits set at the beginning of the experiment.

And lastly, my sw (who is surely in on the experiment) hasn't answered e-mails or phone calls for the last two weeks about renewing/reprinting my homestudy.

So--the results?

This year I've gained weight despite a very healthy diet, giving up Coke, walking a minimum of two miles a day at least four times a week and teaching dance classes. It's really not fair. I'm at an all-time high weight-wise. Yeah. That makes me really want to take all those first-meeting photos. (See, it's a GOOD thing there will be a delay before I meet d2b. I've got time to fast.) Being this weight is stressful.

I'm losing hair. Really. Pregnant moms get thick, georgous hair. Adoptive moms lose theirs. No one tells you this, but it's true. Ask Lauren. I'm not balding, by any means, but there's a lot of hair in my brush.

Insomnia. (Sing along--Who needs sleep? Well, you're never gonna get it...) I often have bouts of insomnia, but this year has been really bad. My Russian teacher told me I must get rid of some of my stress. I told her school was almost over. ;>

How could I forget to mention the state of my neck and shoulders? You're right--they're just huge knots. I had a massage here once and was in so much pain that I haven't repeated the experience. I'm surviving on Flex-All. I'm investigating a day spa in Helsinki. How crazy is it to go to another country just to get a massage?

That's the case here. I'm wondering what stress-effects the rest of you are experiencing. I'll write us up and submit it to the AMA. Okay, I won't really. I'm totally making that up. But, don't let that stop you from sharing!

[p.s. No worries on my account. This summer I'm adding extra Ballet Boot Camp workouts, staying off Coke, conditioning my hair well and sleeping whenever I please. I'm also increasing my Russian lessons and planning some weekends away in an attempt to busy my mind.)

some kind words

Today was the students' last day! Amidst the goodbyes (there are a lot of those in an international school) there were some very sweet moments. One of my cards today, my from newest English-speaker, told me:

you are the GREYTEST titshar in the wald!

;> Nice, huh?

Now I have to clean out my classroom (tomorrow), deliver some donations to a local children's home/s (soon--my car overfloweth) and get my sw to reply to my e-mails and phone message about that new homestudy (yesterday would be nice!). So, even though school's out, I've still got plenty to keep me busy.

for the record

Lauri has documented many of her crystal ball predictions in the adoption world, so I thought I should provide evidence of one that's been given to me twice now.

My friend A. last year referred to d2b as "Anna" off-handedly. He was completely taken aback and a little freaked out--didn't know how the name had come to him.

Then, this week, most of my class found out about my adoption. It's not a secret, they just hadn't really asked. They were so excited and wanted to know all about her--age, hair color and, most importantly, her name. They wanted to know what I would name her. I said she might already have a Russian name. One of my students (another A) said, "I think shes name is Annastasia." So, that's two votes for my favourite grand duchess... We'll see...

almost there...

That is a quote from Star Wars.

I've got four more days of school and then my life is my own again! And then, dear bloggy friends, you'll be regaled once more with all the news from Russia, with love. Thanks for hanging in there. Last week was insanely busy--and this week is poised to rival it.

field trip pix

Our students are very fortunate in their field trip ops! Here are the second graders (minus a few from each trip) out and about in St. P. In all, we have 15 students from the following countries: USA, UK, South Africa (those are my native English speakers) Sweden, South Korea, Japan, Russia/Ireland, Russia/Finland, Czech Republic, Estonia, Holland and Germany.



Here we are on top of St. Isaac's. This was the only thing in St. P that wasn't camouflaged during WWII. All the other building were covered or painted. The Russians reckoned that if this were the only building not covered, the Germans would need it to navigate by and wouldn't bomb it. They were right. Below is what we were looking at--one of St. Isaac's domes. You can see the top dome reflected in this one.
Here we are at Peterhoff. This is one of my favourite places to go in St. P. The fountains are amazing--and were much enjoyed by second grade.

And, this is one of my students drawing outside the Hermitage on Children's Day. Their drawings really turned out well. I'll photograph a few for you. I love the feet on this little artist.

reia, last of the astani

*Update: What I've been told by the agency is that this has to be a new hs and not an update because the original hs was never filed. It is expiring because it was actually finished in early June last year. It was only because of the seven months it sat on my agency's desk that it's expiring early. I understand my sw sticking to the date it originally was finished, but would love it if it reflected the last changes asked for and made--which was in February. I'm hoping that this can be a sort of an update that just includes all pages being reprinted, a compromise of sorts. Otherwise, it's time to break out the checkbook. Either way, I don't see how I can be ready to be first in line if the re-accreds come this month as expected by my agency. My consolation is that not many people request children in my age range. Maybe that will be my saving grace? Aren't you just SO curious to know what d2b is up to that's keeping me waiting and waiting? I am. I can't wait to see what's been going in in her/their life/lives over the past year...


I am calling on my alter ego, Reia, last of the Astani, to help with the latest agency demands. 'Cause, guess what--

I need a new homestudy. That makes 4, by my reckoning. Did you know that the Brits use the word "reckon" all the time? They do. "Whadya reckon?" is a commonly used expression instead of "Whadya think?" I kid you not. I used it all the time when I came home from my first UK stay and people thought I was a total hick.

PC foods

(It's all in how you categorize...)

pasta, poultry, peaches, plums, pickles (bread and butter only, thanks), peanut butter, peas, pasturized milk (a bit of a cheat, but...)

cheese, crackers, chicken, condiments, Coke, chocolate

Hmmm...I know there's more, but I haven't eaten them is so long that I've forgotten! Help me out, here.

What I'd really miss if I went PC: berries, green beans, soups (I'd have to finagle a way around that...in Russian it's суп), lentils and rice, bread

Do you know what I'm longing for right now? Cold asparagus in soy sauce. I got hooked on this by a family a babysat for in Chattanooga. It's the perfect summer food. I just wish it started with a "p". I also wish they HAD asparagus in St. P...

on borrowed mice

Was that close enough to being "on borrowed time" that it made sense? I've borrowed a mouse from school and am good for now.

We're down to the nine days of school. That means we're BUSY! I've had loads of class trips during the end of this year. It's nice, but does wear us out. Add to that all the end-of-year paperwork and I have little free time. Here's what we've got going on in second grade:

Last week we went to practice the talent show on Monday morning, went to Peterhoff on Tuesday and had the talent show that night, Wednesday was a normal day, Thursday was a student's last day, so we had all sorts of goodbye activities, and Friday we were at the Hermitage.

Tomorrow is Sports Day, Tuesday we're going to have lunch in the Summer Gardens (Russian life insight: I asked our secretary Tatyana if we could eat there. Many, many Russian parks do not allow food. She said she was sure I would do it properly by sitting on benches and not letting the children on the grass, so it should be okay. Oh to be able to WALK ON GRASS again!), Wednesday we're staying put, Thursday we go to the Mariinsky and Friday will be a day of packing up.

Next Monday is International Day, Tuesday is Game Day, and Wednesday is the last day for students. Teachers have to be in on Thursday, but as of Friday I'm FREE for the summer!

If you're interested in tagging along on our excursions, just be sure to bring a permission slip and a packed lunch. The camera cord is at school. I'll give you a pic or two tomorrow.

8 things

Suz tagged me of the 8 random things meme. The rules are as follows:
Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

Mine won't be nearly as pretty as hers, but I'll give it a shot...

1. I am the voice of a video game character. I'm Reia, last of the Astani in the game Vexx. They'd already cast the role three times (in NY, London and LA) and been unhappy with all the actresses. I hadn't been back in the US very long, and my "trans-Atlantic" accent did the trick. Well, it was either that or the way I interviewed them prior to the audition. I wasn't sure I wanted to do a video game. But, this character was a strong woman and the game was very low-violence and high-fantasy. It didn't sell all that well because even if you get all the way to the end, you don't win. They thought this was clever and would make you buy the sequel. I thought it would make people mad. Looks like I won. Still, it was GREAT fun to do.

2. I've ridden in rodeos. Now, they weren't the big, professional ones. They were more like pick-up rodeos. But, I did it. I did some calf sorting, some team cow cutting, and rode barrels. That was great fun, too.

3. I have texture issues. I can't stand to eat foods like tomatoes (squishy and gooey) or shrimp (sets my teeth on edge just thinking about it) or peaches with skin (fuzzy). I don't like to even touch velvet. It gives me shivers thinking about touching it against the nap.

4. I learned to ski on Pikes Peak. You can't ski there anymore, but it does make for a great, random fact.

5. I'm allergic to faux.

6. If I were only going to eat food starting with one letter for the rest of my life, I'd choose the letter P. I realized this when I opened the 'fridge while living in England and saw that everything on my shelf (except the milk) started with P. I laughed out loud! If I got a second letter, I'd choose C.

7. I understand cold temperatures in Celsius and warm/hot temperatures in Farenheit. The changeover occurs at around 52F/10C. (My friend Dawn is the same way, so this isn't completely random.)

8. I am usually very much a rule-follower. I make up rules for myself to follow when rules seem to be lacking.

So, this is a random act of rebellion. I'm not following the meme rules of tagging eight. I'm going to leave this tag open for whomever is interested. I know I've been absent from blogland for a while, and am not sure who would still be interested. Link your blog in the comments so we can come read about your randomness. ;>

happy birthday, st. p

This weekend the city is celebrating its birthday. There have been parades, fireworks, and a big street party--Russian style--on Nevsky Prospekt. It's been turned into a pedestrian zone for the weekend. Accoridng to In Your Pocket, this year, for the first time, they've introduced an element to the celebration called

the Bride and Groom Festival. Celebrating the family in Russian life, it is dedicated to promoting happy family values. It also features a kind of informal dating agency where unmarried hopefuls can meet their soulmate. The grand finale will be the arrival of a launch laden with beautiful girls in wedding gowns. So to all singles (and looking) of St. Petersburg, get thee to the Peter and Paul Fortress.

Intriguing as that may be, I have decided not to be out and about today. ;>

I've never really like watching parades. Being in them is fun, but standing and watching--not so much. I remember thinking last year that next year (which would be this year) I'd go. I'd take d2b to see the parade and the festivities, as long as it looked like something we could handle.

But, this year, I'm not going either. It's just not the sort of thing I feel like exploring on my own. I'm so not a party girl. Perhaps next year I'll go. I'll take d2b to see the parade and the festivities, as long as it looks like something we can handle.

good news!

Wow. That was the best meeting I've had in Russia. It lasted a total of ten minutes with an extremely friendly and helpful consulate staff member who told me that, after reviewing my lease, she didn't see why I couldn't have a copy of my new lease. It will be signed next week and I should have it Tuesday or Wednesday!

Thanks again for your kind, good wishes and your prayerful support.

Kate

super quick

Yes, my mouse is still broken. And for those of you who immediately thought
a. return it
b. exchange it
c. just go out and get another
d. what's the big deal?
I can tell, without even looking at the visitor map, that you're not in Russia. ;>

This is nonsense.

The point of this post (written on borrowed time due to aforementioned mouse crisis) is that I have an important meeting at the consulate tomorrow that could make or break things. If you're prayerfully inclined, please say one on my behalf. I need a copy of my lease and finally have found the person who can authorize this. My meeting is at 4:00 p.m. here which is 8 a.m. EDT.

things are looking up...

(That's a Gershwin song.)

First, thanks for understanding my frustration. My agency actually wrote and said they didn't understand why I was upset about this. Yeah.

Second, my paperwork has actually been found. It's in the office here...but isn't translated. They seem to think since we're not accredited, it doesn't matter. Um...how about doing a little work ahead of time?

Third, the person who would accept my documents in Leningrad Oblast is away on vacation until July. (Must be nice, eh?) SO, I actually cannot register there as an independent.

And (here's the part the other waiting pap's will like to hear...) since they think we will have our re-accred before then, I am just going to wait and file in St. P (more children on the database and more connections and more understanding of how things work, judge's preferences, etc.) when it happens. If July rolls around and we're still not accredited, then I'll file independently. (This rec is from V. whose opinion I trust.)

Lastly, my mouse isn't working. This means I cannot do anything online. I hope to have a new mouse soon. So, if you're not hearing back from me when you've e-mailed, now you know why. (This post was composed at school.)

Thank you again for all your co-miserations! I can't wait until we have co-celebrations!

not my kind of excitement

I thought I was going to have such an exciting post for you today.

I've been asking and asking my agency if I could be registered as an independent. They kept saying no. Finally, I told them that I knew a family who was about to be registered as independents (well, the "family" was actually me...another agency was willing to do this) in Leningrad Oblast (the area surrounding St. P, but not St. Petersburg itself). I asked again if they could help me with this. They said they'd check.

Three weeks later, and after a few prompts from me, I heard that yes, it did seem possible. Wow! Exciting post in the making! I was to speak to my facilitators here today to get the details. This all sounded great. The agency said it would be "no problem" for me to come back under their wing, so to speak, once accreditation was granted. Until then, it couldn't hurt for me to be independent.

This morning I called the number they gave me for N. It was actually G., who speaks no English. I told her who I was and she gave me N's number. I called N. at 11:30 a.m. and woke her. Oops. Russian time--I miscalculated. She told me to call V.

I called V. who repeated the same information I'd been e-mailed. And then said that

they still did not have my dossier in the office.

I was gobsmacked, flabbergasted, amazed, bemused, incredulous and just plain unbelieving.

Didn't I just say that I should verify earlier reports that my documents were where they should be? I thought there was a slight possibility that they weren't translated, but never thought they hadn't arrived. I thought with all this time that my agency has now that they're unaccredited, that they'd be extra-on-top of all this paperwork. And that recent plea they made to get all dossiers in so that they could be translated and waiting seemed to me to indicate they had time on their hands.

This is not the sort of excitement I had in mind for this post.

On Monday, the office here will call me and tell me what they have and what they are lacking. I've sent e-mails to the US facilitators and the agency itself (who do nothing, but I still thought they should know) asking if they have confirmation that my documents arrived in Russia. Wouldn't you think that would be part of their job? Making sure paperwork arrived? It's not like they gave me a tracking number so that I could see where things were.

I guess this qualifies as exciting...in an agitating sort of way... Sheesh.

quick quote

"WHAT?!! They killed all the tsars and then they didn't even want any churches? What's the matter with them?"

--one of my second graders today at Church on Spilled Blood after he found out that the communists used that amazing church to store vegetables and theatre sets

word nerd

I know that there have been a lot of hopes hung on the word "imminent" in the recent statement issued about accreditation. (see post below)

I thought a little word research was in order. I looked up imminent in a couple of dictionaries, and found the word немиуемыи (which is fun to say--nyemeeOOyemee).

My friend Nadya says this word actually means something you must get around, a crisis you must face.

An online translation from English to Russian gave me неизбежный. But, that translates as "inevitable" in my dictionaries and on the online site.

Interesting, eh? So while we're thinking that accreditation is going to happen very soon, it may actually be a crisis that is inevitable that we face.

not really an update

Rumors are flying once again. Apparently, four agencies have had their final paperwork sumbitted to all the Ministries that need to approve it. (No mention has been made of who those four agencies are, though.) The adoption world seems sure that re-accreditation is "imminent". (Actually, that was a quote from Alina Levitskaya, Director of the Department of Youth Policy, Upbringing, and Social Protection of Children of the Russian Ministry of Education and Science. Ms. Levitskaya was in Washington, DC to meet with senior staff within the U.S. Department of State to discuss the status of Russian intercountry adoption and the accreditation of U.S. agencies.) I remain skeptical.

This is not my typical frame of reference. My friend Kristen once said, "Do you ever get the feeling that Kate was raised on a steady diet of Hayley Mills films?" This comment gets a chuckle from those who know me in real life. I do tend to be a bit of a Pollyanna.

But for now, no glad game. These are strictly the facts: No one has accreditation. No one knows when accreditation will be granted.

My agency (notice this is neither in the facts nor the fantasy paragraphs...because I don't know where it belongs) says that accreditation is coming soon. They are encouraging all families whose paperwork is not complete to complete it so that it can be sent to Russia for translation. They feel that accreditation will be granted first to those agencies who have the most parents ready to go.

That's all I *know* for right now. My papers are in and translated (well, actually, that's an assumption I should verify). I would think I was top of the stack. And, with the age range I'm requesting, I would think that my wait would be short...one accreditation is granted.

Well, I told you it wasn't really an update.

(p.s. for Sybille: I'm on week two of my cold. It's wandered from my sinuses to my throat. My doctor in the US would say that colds last two weeks if you see a doctor and fourteen days if you don't. Knowing what I do about healthcare in Russia, I choose the don't option. I should be in good shape next week.)

toothpaste revisited

I know you've all been waiting with bated breath ever since this post forthe results. Today is the day! Today, the experimental toothpaste tube was finished.



This means that one tube of toothpaste used by a single person who brushes her teeth 2-3 times a day will last approximately 12 weeks. I would've thought it was more like a month. So, my hypothesis was incorrect and I learned something.

This means, and I know you'll all be relieved, that I do have enough toothpaste to last until I anticipate leaving Russia. There were no openings at the school I want to return to in the US so I signed on for another year here. But, as you can see in the original toothpaste post, I have more than enough toothpaste stashed away to ensure clean teeth for more than a year.

five words...fourth word...four syllables...

You will *not* believe what show just came on BBC Prime instead of As Time Goes By. I don't. Even in a heated round of charades, I would never have guessed this title in a million years. I would've thought it was a SNL skit or something. If I'd gotten this one to act out, I would surely have protested and demanded proof of its validity. But, it's real. So, store this one away for your next charades game and you're sure to score a point:

The Spa of Embarrassing Illnesses

I kid you not.

Edited to add: I tuned back in thinking the ten o'clock offer might be good. It's usually mystery/drama sort of show. Spa was still on!! It's an hour long. An hour of embarrassing illnesses. And, they weren't even in a spa. It was a guy in a car at a drive through or something holding a Tigger stuffed animal and crying into it (them?), "Who's Daddy's boys, then? Who's Daddy's boys?" Yikes.

a better mousetrap

Just learned that the Hermitage keeps cats on the premises (the video footage showed at least 20) to keep down the mouse population. Hermitage workers donate money to pay for veterinary care and food. Apparently, they do such a good job that there aren't enough mice to keep them all fed!

Just thought that was an interesting little tidbit. I've seen the same cat outside the Russian Museum the whole time I've been here. It's white with a gray spot on top of its head. Now, it's been joined by a kitten there that looks just like it and another kitten as well. They all look well-fed and at least one has a collar. I wonder if the same policy prevails there.

sniffling

Don't you hate having a cold? There is something about being oxygen deprived (cause you know the O2 isn't getting through all that gunk) and sleep deprived (because every time you moved the slightest bit you had to wait for your sinuses to equalize so that you could breathe in little, shallow breaths. Sleeping sitting up helps you breathe but doesn't help you SLEEP. And, all the tension about not getting any sleep just makes it worse.) and a little queasy from all the drainage (ew. nasty.) but still being expected to function--including not only teaching (which is actually the easy part) but also having scheduled and unscheduled parental conferences AND a formal evaluation from your brand-spanking-new principal)--that makes me feel rotten.

And it makes me miss all sorts of homely things. I miss...

General Hospital. Really, truly I do. I admit freely that I watch--and have since I had chicken pox in fifth grade. Aside from the time when Holly Scorpio left the show and I switched to Days, this is the longest I've been away from Port Charles. I like the escape and the connection to my friends-who-shall-remain-nameless who also watch. I just found out Nik and Emily got back together. Sigh. I was hoping for that, and yet...I with they'd waited until I was home.

TV in general. I've been watching a taped tv show and the commercials are all about shows I've never heard of--except CSI.

TJ Maxx. I love that store. I need some shoes and bits and bobs but I won't buy them here. They're too expensive and cheaply made.

Chili's and Mexican food and that good Chinese restaurant we'd drive 45 minutes to get to after we'd run our errands on Saturday. Panera and Chipotle and all the little shops that cluster around a mall.

pop culture! I'm in a time warp. I haven't had any new movies, books or music. I don't know what the catch-phrases are or what the latest jokes are about. (Feel free to burn me a copy of your favorite cd and send it. I'll listen to it!)

libraries and bookstores where you can browse. I admit to judging books by their covers. (Wow, lots of admissions today. Defenses must be lowered by rotten cold.) I like to pick a book up, flip through it, read the back and the jacket. I don't really like hardbacks--too hard to read in the tub--but all the books I'm waiting for will take another year before they're in paperback.

parks you can eat in and walk on the grass.

clean air and things to do outside.

living without having to read the culture all the time. Even when I see things I've observed before I'm busy filing it away as proof of a correct assumption. This isn't conscious. It's like when I go to a play and I spend the whole time re-saying the lines in my head to correct inflection or timing. I don't MEAN to. It just happens. (Thank you, Judi Dench, for being brilliant in Hay Fever last summer so I could just watch the play.)

a drug store that sells cold-eaze so I could nip this in the bud, stop whinging and feel better.

On the plus side, it's Victory Day tomorrow so we don't have school. Hooray! Pajama Day!

(I'm also thankful for the cold medicines Ann Marie brought me and the chicken boullion Rachael brought me. All are being put to good use tonight! ;> Cheers, you two.)

still no news

It's that time of year. All schoolteachers know it. We're approaching the home stretch, but aren't in it yet. I still have SIX weeks of school left. Six. That seems ludicrous. Aren't we all supposed to get out on 1 June? Well, if the Russian government and I had our way, we would. Unfortunately, we don't get our way. We have six more weeks of school.

So, we plug on. We take lots of field trips. We struggle to master multiplication (just 0,1, 2, 5 and 10) and quotation marks. We write poems and graph the temperature. And all the time we're longing for summer.

Anyone out there have exciting summer plans? I know what I'm hoping for, but not what will actually happen...Still exploring independent options, but have no definite news there.

(Yeah, uh, really I just posted this so that you'd stick around. I really don't have anything to say. But, I will someday and didn't want to lose my audience...Thanks for humoring me.)

thinking?

Lauri very kindly named my blog as a thinking blogger blog. Ironically, it came just when I was considering how dull and dreary my posts have become. All I seem to do is whine and whinge.

If you look back at my blog prior to March 2006, I think the posts are much more interesting. They were about life in Russia...and I seem to have had more life then. Granted, there have been good posts along the way. It's just recently that I seem to be stuck.

This isn't just in the blogger-world. I'm feeling a little stuck in real-life, too. I feel caught in the life I'm living now. Waiting for the late bus that is my elephantine adoption (okay, that was a nice reference to past posts) has me standing still. I don't feel as if I have permission to do anything else until this is finished.

I've been in Russia for two years. I've had a whole year of "Oh, wow!" and another year of "Yep. Next is..." as I've gone through the seasons and celebrations. I have ceased to be enthralled by the wonder of a new culture and am beginning to be impatient with it. I've visited all the historical sites at least once. Because of my cat and financial considerations (um, adoption is expensive), I really cannot travel. I've read all my books, watched all my movies and listened to all my cd's many times. BBC Prime shows the same shows over and over and over (Have you heard Ann Marie longing for it after she saw what it actually had to offer? No.) and they're shows I saw when I was living in the UK! It just seems as if everything is repetitive. And, I'm afraid my writing is reflecting that.

Friends who have had multiple pregnancies bandy about the statistic that each pregnancy causes you to lose ten IQ points. I'm wondering if the same it true for "paper pregnancies". If so, does one lose the IQ points per adoption wait or in nine month intervals (ten points every nine months) or do you simply lose one IQ point every month?

Very scary thought. Thank you, Lauri, for awarding this before it's too late! I'll try to get back to thoughtful posts...

april 30

Here's how we said good-bye to April. This is the Field of Mars (note to s: It's where the Tsars used to review their troops and is now a large park.) yesterday on my way to school. That's the Summer Garden in the background. They just took the boxes off the statues last week.



After seeing all the garden photos lately, I thought you'd like to see the tulips I pass each day.

so not right

I walked outside today, keys in hand, to get in my car. My car wasn't there. I looked up the street, I looked down the street. Not only is my car not there, there are NO cars on the street. There is a bicycle/rollerblading/running race today on my street and, apparently, they towed all the cars. I walked all around the block looking for it, but didn't find it. So, I came home and called our school secretary. An hour later she called back and said that she had found a number to call. The person she talked to had no information about where the car might be. She said that ususally they take them to a paid carpark or just leave them nearby.

So, now I've got to go cruise the streets of my neighborhood (currenly clogged with those people who run even when nothing is chasing them) in widening circles, I guess, to be effective, looking for my car.

How is it possible for people to be allowed to just take my car and leave it somewhere without notifying me or anyone else?!!??

Edited to add: Found it--over by The Field of Mars.

if i were a poem...

I am the sonnet, never quickly thrilled; Not prone to overstated gushing praise Nor yet to seething rants and anger, filled With overstretched opinions to rephrase; But on the other hand, not fond of fools, And thus, not fond of people, on the whole; And holding to the sound and useful rules, Not those that seek unjustified control. I'm balanced, measured, sensible (at least, I think I am, and usually I'm right); And when more ostentatious types have ceased, I'm still around, and doing, still, alright. In short, I'm calm and rational and stable - Or, well, I am, as much as I am able. What Poetry Form Are You?

I've been saving this one. (thanks, suz) I agree that I could be a sonnet, but not with the content of and the definition put forth in this particular sonnet. I think the author is most certainly
*not* a sonnet. To me, a sonnet is full of passion and wit. It's also controlled. All that passion has to be reined it. And yet, it's written in the most natural of all speaking rhythms. Controlled passion, cleverly and naturally put--that is a sonnet. And, that sort of sonnet am I.

Things my friends will attest to: I am not fond of fools or of rules that seek unjustified control

Things they won't: That whole "not quickly thrilled" part...and I do like people individually--just not in a crowd

(I was tempted to write this post in iambic pentameter...)

agency update

The saga continues...sort of.

No news from current agency. Am going to see if they can register me independently in Leningrad Oblast instead of St. P itself. Doubtful, but worth a try.

Still uncomfortable with agency 2--though they seem to be getting results.

Agency 3 will not work with me b/c I am a non-military ex-pat.

I've looked at two agencies that are still registering families. One won't work with me b/c I'm an ex-pat. The other isn't responding to e-mails (still) and has a mixed reputation.

Short post, eh? It seems as if I'm staying the course with my current agency. There is something to be said for closed doors...

oh, be joyful

Yesterday I was given joy. I woke up really happy. Really--I was really happy and my first thought was, "Good! One day closer!" And, that thought in itself--and the realization that I was both happy and able to think that way made me even happier. It brought a smile to my face before I'd even tossed off the covers.

While I don't bounce out of bed in the mornings with a twinkle in my eye and "Yeah, SCHOOL!" on my lips, neither do I wake up moaning and groaning. I don't spend time pining away and thinking about how time is slipping away. I don't often count the days since I started this adoption journey, but I occasionally do. It's not a good idea. Seeing the days add up is disheartening.

But, this joyful wake-up was really fun. It was a countdown. Granted, I don't know how many days are left in the countdown, but I do know that today it's one day less than it was yesterday. That brings joy to my heart.

toothpaste

Do you know how long it takes one person to use a tube of toothpaste if she brushes her teeth 2-3 times a day? Neither do I, but it's longer than I thought.

Ann Marie thought this was so hysterical that I promised to do a post on it for her. I, like all ex-pats I know, have a cupboard full of necessities. My friend Kat shipped loads of toilet paper and paper towels--she hasn't bought any in-country yet. I stash away everything from Advil to creamy Jif. Also in my cupboard, there is a stockpile of toothpaste. I break out if I use anything other than Arm & Hammer baking soda toothpaste. (I love it--my teeth feel soooo clean.) So, it's important to know if I have enough toothpaste to last out my internal exile ;> . I keep trying to remember when I start a new tube so that I can figure out how long my stash will last. I say things to myself like, "Oh, surely I'll remember that I started this tube on Groundhog's Day/the twins' birthday/the third Thursday in October." But I don't. So, THIS time, I wrote the date on my toothpaste tube. I started this tube on 26 February.


It looks like I have enough to last for awhile...


Can you see the two little girl toothbrushes in there? Surely that wins me points. I've already got toothbrushes. (But, my prepared-ness is really a whole 'nother post...)

So--mock away. You call it obsessive. I call it well-planned.

subbotnik

Today, 22 April, is Lenin's birthday. During soviet times, the Saturday closest to Lenin's birthday was spent in an annual subbotnik--working to clean up the city. Groups of workers and school children would be given the tasks of cleaning up parks, courtyards and communal areas. (All kinds of things might have been festering away under the snows of winter...)

This subbotnik pre-dates Lenin. Lenin himself is said to have been a big fan of "voluntary" communal work on Saturdays. "Saturday" in Russian is Subota--from "sabbath" which, ironically, means "rest". Lenin was reputed to be captured by the idea of workers giving up their free time on Saturdays to work for the good of the community. Random subbotnik-s were scheduled throughout the year as the need arose. My friend N was telling me how her school days were filled with subbotnik. She and her classmates were often "given the opportunity" to sacrifice their Saturday for the greater good.

Yesterday, as we drove to IKEA, we noticed many people were out doing a spring clean of the city. Walls were being painted, parks were being readied for spring. A notice appeared plastered to the front door of my building on Tuesday. The inhabitants of my building were invited to participate in cleaning up a street nearby.

I declined. Had I known that this was the BIG, annual, Lenin's birthday subbotnik, I might have gone along for the experience. But, not having had Lenin's birthday drilled into my head since childhood, I didn't realize that. I just thought they were having some sort of neighborhood clean-up. And, since it's a few streets over and not really my neighborhood, I declined. Actually, when I was over there yesterday evening, I didn't notice that street looking any cleaner... Perhaps the fireworks later last night were considered celebration enough.

lunch

For lunch today I really, really wanted:

some cold bread and butter pickles (I've been known to make this a meal in the summer)

a smoked turkey sandwich with dijon mustard, lettuce and red onions on a well-toasted sesame bagel

a cold Snapple lemon iced tea--or two

I shared this with my friend Kat while we were shopping and now we're both drooling. Would someone please go and eat that for us?

a call (not THE call)

I'm sitting here waiting for Agency #3 (not my third agency, the third option of the three I've been mentioning) to call.

I've got a cuppa made in my favourite cup sitting on my desk. I also have water, a notebook and various writing utensils. The phone is here charged and to hand.

I've opened an old e-mail with fee information, a copy of their webpage, a list of agency questions I tweaked from the LAST agency quest and the document they e-mailed about their various regions on the mac.

I've rubbed massage cream into my tense shoulders, run the dishwasher (I like the sound of appliances working), and have been taking long slow breaths.

Soo...now we just wait for the call. It's already 8:40 p.m. here. If she doesn't call by 9:00 p.m. I'll e-mail or call there. I also won't be best pleased.

[I know my friend Lara (no, she still hasn't e-mailed) is shouting Meyers-Briggs letters at her computer screen as she reads this...]

I'll update!

Update:
I had an e-mail saying that the St. P phones were up to their usual tricks. So, I called her. The head of the Russia program with #3 was helpful...sort of. She didn't really have good news to share. She is going to ask some more questions of her Moscow team to see if they could work with me, but didn't sound terribly hopeful. She thinks (as did I at the beginning of this process) that an adoption from St. P would be in the best interests of d2b--allowing many visits b/t "trips".

She also said that if I wanted to take advantage of their waiting child program, it would be wise to extend my age range to 9. Nine sounds much older than seven... We talked a little bit about the issues a nine-year-old would have as opposed to the children in my current range. A nine-year-old is much more likely to be available for adoption b/c parental rights have been terminated. This could mean a history of severe neglect or abuse. She has seen very easy, successful adoptions in this age range and some that really had to struggle.

She also thinks the whole situation with my current agency and their sub-contracted US facilitators is nuts. AND she said there was no way I could've known beforehand what they were really like.

She gave me a list of agencies that work in St. P. Many of them I talked to in round one of the agency quest. More than a few have a reputation in the adoption world for being either crooked or just plain bad.

This isn't quite the update I hoped I'd post. Let's face it--it's not even close. But, I did appreciate her honesty and her knowledge--and her willingness to investigate something for me. She's really just trying to help! That's amazing to me at this point in my journey. An agency rep who HELPS--just helps without any personal gain. Wow. Impressive.

Edited again to answer some comments:

I was VERY happy to have someone give me the straight scoop. Believe me--I'd rather hear the truth than a pretty lie. I thought I'd made that clear in my post, but guess I didn't. While I was disappointed that this agency didn't seem to be the answer I thought it would, I was very thankful for their honest, up-front approach.

I am willing to adopt from ANY region. I originally thought St. P would be easier, but that's been proven wrong. In my opinion, the travel benefits are outweighed by the added bureaucracy that seems to characterize adoptions here. I am very ready to travel wherever I need to (and actually thought this agency would send me to Vladivostok). It was the agency rep who suggested I stay in St. P. I'm exploring every option--in every region--I can.

quickie agency non-update

How do things stand? Have I gotten closer to figuring out which agency it is that will get me to d2b? Um, not really.

No news from current agency.

With agency 2, I'm still weighing expense and legality against results. Results are losing.

Agency 3 re-scheduled our chat to Friday night. I wasn't best pleased. While they win so far on knowledge and costs, the thought of re-doing most of my dossier for a different region/agency is a little daunting. Still, it would give me something to DO while I wait for re-accred.

I've looked at a few other options. There are a couple of agencies working "independently" in the south of Russia. One is quite expensive. The other is not answering my e-mails. A friend is on their case, though.

just another tuesday

Living in St. P has allowed me the privilege of meeting many brand new families. I met my friend Jenn when she and her husband were here adopting their gorgeous son. Lauren invited me meet the amazing Cupcake while they were waiting it out in Moscow. And, Rachael graciously let me spend an evening with her incredible new daughter, reassuring me about some age questions I had about d2b.

Ann Marie and Zach came and stayed with me while they were here meeting Bee. It was fun to see the city through a new pair of eyes. They appreicated the stunning architecture of the city. Ann Marie claims to like driving in Russia (note: she only rode...which may alter her opinion). They enjoyed blinis and hot chocolate and fish "pie" (Stolle's was out of chicken).

It was funny to see what cultural norms I've taken on board from living here without even realizing it. On the first night, Z asked me how to say good evening in Russian. I told him, thinking he was getting ready for a trip into a shop. A few seconds later I realized, with great shock, what it was he planned to do. "You're not going to talk to people on the street? Just people we're passing?" It hadn't even occured to me that he would do that when he'd asked. And, I am the person who makes it my mission to make x number of people smile at me when walking down the streets of NYC or London. It's usually an easy task--smile and they'll smile back. But, the thought of simply greeting people on the street had completely left my daily life. (I still smile--which marks me as a fool. "What do you Americans have to smile about all the time?")

Here's one thing that made us all smile. It's one of my favourite directional indication signs in St. P:



Obviously, it's the right lane that makes me giggle. It thought we could all use a giggle right about now.

accreditation prayers

Last night, my alarm rang at 1:10 a.m. I was surprised at how easily I awoke. I prayed for accreditation. I prayed for the people working on accreditation requirements here in Russia. I prayed for our agencies in the US who will have to fulfill the requirements handed down. I prayed for the children and families that are waiting to be united. I was so thankful for all the families that are united--and for all the families who pipped it to post. I prayed for d2b. I prayed for wisdom in how I get to her and which agency I used to lead the way. Then, I easily fell back asleep (not often the case) and awoke this morning before the alarm went off. What a restful night!

And now we wait.

Thanks for waiting with me.

accreditation prayer time

Today, at 4:15 CDT (central daylight time) people in the adoption community are praying together for accreditation. Let's simply offer up the situation and pray for those involved--those making decisions and those who are waiting.

shopping--US style

At a baby shower for a colleague, chat turned to shopping. Another teacher (from India, long-time Russian resident) was commenting on her experience at a shopping mall in the US.

It wasn't the number of shops that made the biggest impression on her. It was the shoppers. She was amazed, she told us, by their sense of peace. Everyone was calm and unstressed. Children were running just ahead of their parents. Moms were chatting. No one was pinched and worried and weighing decisions as if they couldn't be undone.

She soon learned why. Some one at her seminar bought a pair of shoes at Wal-m*rt. After wearing them for a few hours, her feet hurt and so she took them off. (Really, what did she expect?) That night, after the seminar, they went to Wal-m*art and (gasp!) returned the shoes. My friend was shocked! She was amazed that they would take back the shoes not only without any hassle, but with an apology for the shoes not working out!

It was fun to see her marvel at the little things we US ex-pats have been missing. Can you imagine if she'd gotten to go to Target instead? I don't think she would be able to contain herself. My friend Lara says (and maybe this will get her to e-mail me...) that the sun always shines at Target. All that sunshine might have been too much.

Easter

I know--I was supposed to post this yesterday...or, better still, last week.

The thing is, like Christmas, the communists really did away with Easter. Unlike Christmas, they didn't move the traditional celebrations to a non-religious holiday. There is not a big celebration. Only two of my Russian friends celebrate Easter.

Easter in Russia is a religious holiday--and it is only for the religious. (Ann Marie and Zach's translator said, when I expressed surprise that Easter would not alter their visitations, "It's not like this is a Muslim country".) The city moves around as normal. This is strikingly different from my time in the UK. There, Good Friday and Easter Monday are always bank holidays. Everything is closed. Here, it's life as usual.

Some old traditions:

Homes are cleaned prior to Palm Sunday. On Palm Sunday, you bring pussy willows to church to have them blessed. Then you bring them to your home.

Eggs are dyed using red or yellow onion skins. (It's the Ukrainians who have a tradition of beautifully and intricately painted eggs called pysansky. DAWN--speak!)

Eggs are...shrink wrapped with decorated sleeves. (You put them on the eggs and then pour boiling water on them.) These eggs are best for the cracking game. It's a little like conkers in the UK. You tap the eggs together and whichever egg breaks first loses. I've heard this explained by Russian friends, but never seen children playing it.

An Easter sweetbread (kulich), is baked in a tall cylinder shape. It's then decorated with white icing and sprinkles, and the letters XB meaning "Christ is risen." (Christos voskres.) It's served with pashka (a soft, sweet, cheesy pudding--think light, thick cream cheese filling...sort of). There was a LONG line of Babushkas at Okey on the Saturday before Palm Sunday patiently waiting for the white eggs to go on sale. It takes 10 egg yolks to make one kulach!


Easter mass is celebrated at midnight the night before.

That's really all I've found by living here...

I hope your Easters were happy!

seven is little

I'm still mulling things over. New things to consider:

Agency 1--nothing.

Agency 2--Ex-pat friends here have accepted a referral and will have court next month.

Agency 3-- I met the amazing Katya and her MOM today. Seven isn't as big as I thought...It sounded SO much older than six to me when I started looking at "waiting children". But, now... A rep is calling me on Wednesday to talk with me about their program.

BIG thanks to Rachael for letting me play with her gorgeous daughter. It was a privilege to be a part of their special day.

written excuse

Please excuse Kate from her recent blogger absence. She has had a full, buzzy head and was unable to post. We expect her to be recovered and participating in her usual activities soon.

My head has been full. In the absence of accreditation, I've been looking at agencies again. Here's what I've got so far:

1. Stay with my agency.
Pro: no money lost, it's the devil I know, great in-region team
Con: little faith in the facilitators, not allowed contact with in-region team

2. Switch to agency 2.
Pro: can be registered now in Leningrad Region--d2b home soon, v. little travel
Con: not sure how this is possible or if it's entirely legal, will cost 26K more than what I've already spent (I don't have that much in the bank)

3. Switch to agency 3.
Pro: program to underwrite the costs of adoption of children over age seven and reduction in the cost to adopt younger sibling, they have ex-pat experience and assign an advocate to every single pap, they submitted papers the same time as agency 1 and have ngo status
Con: they say to expect a referral in 6-12 months--could keep me in exile longer

I haven't come to any decision...and probably won't very soon. Looking at it written down, agency 2 has little to reccomend it other than time. They felt dodgy when I first looked at them and the uneasiness continues. My friend here reminds me to trust my instinct.

While there is nothing happening accreditation-wise, I feel a strong sense of urgency. But, I can't let that blind me to the other important factors.

I'll post about Easter tomorrow.

Hmmm...

He is risen indeed!

Wishing you all joy this Easter.

at loose ends

Yeah, when I post about hair you know I'm drawing a blank.

It's spring break. I've got oodles of time on my hands. I could be getting my 1040 finished and notarized, but my agency is having selective amnesia. They are telling me that I cannot notarize here. Hmmm...V helped me do that for all my signature docs just a month ago...

I could be switching agencies, but it seems precipitous. I want to make a logical and not an emotional decision. (This is a distinct disadvantage to being single: you do not the the luxury of someone else making logical decisions when you're less than logical.) So, I'm looking around a little and praying a lot. There is another agency I'm interested in...but it would take a lot of paperwork changes (increasing age ranges on my hs and my immigration forms). I'm not sure how my current agency would react. (Yes, I am a trained people-pleaser from way back. I'm working on it.)

I could be shopping! But, I don't know what sizes to shop for. And, I've really got the basics pretty well covered in multiple sizes. Ask Ann Marie. Besides, I don't want to shop here. Everything is expensive. I don't really need anything more than I need to save. I'm a pretty good saver.

I could be cleaning, but I've done that.

I could be reviewing my Russian vocab or scrapbooking or reading or even watching LOST, but my brain is fuzzy and my eyes are tired b/c I had caffeine yesterday after six.

I could call and pester some of you, but you're all asleep. I could read blogs or websites, but since you're all asleep I know there is nothing new posted since my last troll through the web.

I could be posting something interesting, but nothing interesting is happening.

I could be making banana bread with all the bananas I have frozen in my freezer but...but...

Huh. Guess I'll bake.

vive la france

I have now had my hair bobbed in five different countries. The best haircut award goes to...France!

the bus is late

I have, at different times and in different countries, relied on public transportation to get around. There are great benefits. I really like riding on trains and tubes/subways/metros. Buses that are clean and frequent make life easy. I love not having the responsibility of a car. There are no oil changes, no dodgy mechanics and no insurance premiums. When the public transport is good, it's great!

When public transportation is unreliable, it's less than great. It's actually pretty stressful, especially for a clock-watcher like me. I am a very punctual person.

What's it like waiting for the bus? You show up five to seven minutes before it's scheduled. For those few minutes, it's easy to wait. You chat about the weather. You read your book. You sing or tap dance if there's no one else there.

The time comes for the bus to arrive and you start to watch for it. You pack up your book, check that you have your fare or your pass and start looking for the bus to round the corner.

When the appointed time passes, you get edgy. You check your watch, double-check the timetable, deride the timeliness of buses on this route with the other waiters, and keep watching for the bus. Your eyes are focused in the distance, willing the bus to materialize. It's as if you can conjure it up if you just watch hard enough. But, just like a watched pot never boils, a watched-for bus never seems to come. Yet, you can't help watching.

The bus that goes in the opposite direction passes you by and you start to worry. Yours was meant to come first. What might be holding it up? Accident? Mechanical problems? Driver didn't show? Can you still make it on time? You check your watch and try to breathe easy. You realize that you're getting tense. Your neck, your jaw, your shoulders all are tense as you wait and watch.

You start playing games with yourself--counting the cars that pass. Surely your bus will come after 5 cars or 10 or 20. You start to calculate the time until the bus after yours is due. If it's less than half the time between buses, yours might still come. You wonder if there is time to run up to the top of the street and catch the other bus that goes close to your stop instead. You weigh the bags you're carrying and calculate the distance you have to go and the time that bus is due. And all the while your eyes never stray from the corner where your bus will round into sight.

This is the best way I can describe how I'm feeling as I wait. It's just like waiting for a bus that is late. I'm alert and watching and a little tense. My mind is racing and I'm constantly revising my mental time-frame. If I knew when accreditation would arrive, I could relax and chat to the others at the bus stop. Instead, I'm hyper-vigilant. It's tiring. (In this analogy my agency would be the broken display that is supposed to tell you how long it is until the next bus comes, but is inevitably wrong.)

Sometimes you miss the bus. Sometimes they skip one out. (Stupid buses in Kent!) But, in my experience, if you wait long enough, you'll catch one. It might not be the bus you thought you'd take. You might be incredibly late. But, you will get there in the end.

classifieds

My friend, Kat, reads the classifieds in the St. Petersburg Times religously. They provide much amusement. This one actually sounds interesting:

ENGLISH TUTOR WANTED

English Tutor Wanted: Russian family with two children under the age of 5 seeks English tutor who: * speaks American English, but knows at least a little Russian * is stable and educated *likes children * is able to live with them in Russia and spend vacations with them around the world * is able commit for at least a year, with much flexibility for vacation time The candidate may be male or female and any nationality. Position is well-paid. Please note: The children already have a nanny. This position would require speaking and teaching American English. For more information or to send a resume or c.v., please write to: XXX

Hmmm...I'd be there in a heartbeat if I didn't need more stability right now. *Sigh.* Stability. It's not really much fun...especially when the reasons for your new-found stability are still mist on the horizon.

quick quotes

To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.


-Voltaire

nutty accreditation

Thanks for asking, Dawn. I forget what I've said and what I haven't. Here's the story on accreditation in a nutshell (note the dual meaning in today's title):

The rules for Russian adoption change all the time! Right now, if you are not with an accredited agency, you may not register to adopt. (This is me. My paperwork is here and translated but not registered with the Ministry of Education.)

If you are already registered, it's probable that you can continue with the process (receiving a referral from the Ministry of Education, meeting the child, signing a petition to adopt, going to court to finalize, waiting ten days, receiving custody). Currently there are only three agencies that are accredited. Their accreditation will expire in mid-April.

Russia has decided to re-vamp it's accreditation requirements. Now agencies must be registered as NGO's (non-governmental...organizations). There may be more paperwork to be filed...but the ministries involved haven't all really decided what it is. The ministries were supposed to have 90 days to reach a decision about accreditation after NGO submission, but on the 89th day, which was last week, the Ministry of Justice asked for an additional document. Now no one really knows if the 90 days start over or what happens... Many agencies have already filed the additional document. (It's a statement that adopted children will have inheritance rights.) Mine hasn't, but says they will this week.

It was possible to register independently with the Ministry of Education and pursue adoption without an agency. There are mixed reports on whether or not this is still possible.

Add to all this national politicking the fact that each region has its own policies and procedures and you can see what a maze of red tape we're dealing with right now. ("Right now"--optimism rears its head!)

So--yes. While my agency is unaccredited everything is on hold. I'm still nosing around to find out about independent adoption. It's also possible that a region will let agencies register their clients as independents if their accreditation is imminent.

Please comment on anything that I've left out or not explained.

bookish

Books exercise a powerful magic. I've been caught in their spell for longer than I can remember. Growing up I read everything from cereal boxes to the classics. I devoured books. When I read, I wasn't reading about other people. I was another person--Laura Ingalls, Sara Crewe, Anne Shirley. I think that's what reading and travelling have in common--they allow one to live someone else's life for a little while.

Recently I read Grey is the Colour of Hope. It's a memoir chronicling a Russian poet's life as a political prisoner in a Russian prison camp. She spent time in prison and then was subject to internal exile for a time after her release from the camp. (This was common.)

Maybe I've been identifying too much with the poet, Irina Ratushinskaya. ;> I'm feeling a little like I'm serving a sentence of internal exile.

*I haven't heard of any opening at the school I want to return to in the US. It's not surprising, I suppose. It's a great place to teach! Happy teachers stay put. I really praying that God sends me back there soon.

*My adoption is at a standstill. If I leave now, I will have to re-do my homestudy again. Not only will that be time consuming, it will be expensive.

*We're on the verge of accreditation being updated...we think. That means that it's important that I be here over my upcoming spring break. Of course, it was also important that I be here last summer and over fall break and Christmas break. With the agency slowing things down, it feels a little like a pardon appeal has been denied.

So, here I am and, for now, here I stay.

It's not a life sentence. It's not even SHIZO ("punishment isolator") because a friend is coming to visit on 5 April. I do like St. Petersburg. It's a beautiful, historic city! My car is working again, so I'm feeling more mobile and less imprisoned. (New battery, a good tank of gasoline and a water remover treatment along with warmer weather did the trick after six weeks biz machina.)And now the sun is back and temperatures are steadily climbing. So, really, things are good.

I think I'd better read something light and fluffy to banish the prisoner-mentality. (Children of Glastnost, by the wife of a former Canadian ambassador didn't help. I thought the opening of the Soviet Union might dispel the prison camp, but it didn't. I don't think her experience in Russia is typical or representative of the population as a whole. Also it's dry. Don't bother with that one. So, since that book failed utterly to spring me, I'm prescribing a course of light and fluffy.) Unfortunately, I've read all my light and fluffy books. Now I'm working on Isabella: She-Wolf of France and Queen of England. I don't know anything about her, so this is a good way to occupy my mind. So far, so good. And, following your suggestions, I'll add Rebecca to my next Amazon order. (I thought I'd read it ages ago, but then couldn't recall the plot...so even if I've read it, it needs re-reading.) Abracadabra!

...or a list

This booky list is from esther and suz, too.

Look at the list of books below:
*Bold the ones you’ve read
*Italicize the ones you want to read
*Leave plain the ones that you aren’t interested in.

1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)
6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)
7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)
8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)
9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10. A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Rowling)
17. Fall on Your Knees (Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. The Stand (Stephen King)
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Rowling)
20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. The Hobbit (Tolkien)
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. 1984 (Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)
39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. Bible
46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54. Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56. The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrew Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
65. Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. Les Miserables (Hugo)
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding)
72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76. The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According To Garp (John Irving)
79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80. Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)
81. Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)
83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
84. Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. Emma (Jane Austen)
86. Watership Down(Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding)
93. The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)
94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce)

can't resist a quiz...

I am a Violet What Flower Are You?

You have a shy personality. You tend to hesitate before trying new things or meeting new people. But once people get to know you, you open up and show the world what you are really all about.

This one is courtesy of suz and esther. Thanks, you two!